how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

Love this thread. I'm turning 27 this year and starting to worry about all this, especially since giving birth in Jan and having gained masses of weight over my pregnancy. I don't think you do have to spend lots and lots of money to look good, but I do think it takes time, effort and knowledge.

Scientifically proven stuff I'm aware of that makes people look younger are:

• Exercise. Not only is it good for your health and figure apparently it puts some kind of positive stress on the body that can have an anti aging effect

• Cutting refined sugar. Apparently metabolising sugar produces substances called AGES (google it as I cant remember what it stands for!) That literally directly cause skin aging

• Water. I've read conflicting opinions on online articles about water and whether it actually can hydrate skin, but found a study that did show a god improvement in skin health and appearance with a good water intake. Think more like 3 - 3.5 litres rather than 2 though.

• SPF. Self explanatory but I've seen sources that say up to 90 friggin percent of skin aging is photo aging. SpF on face every day is a must even if you like to look tanned

• Yellow and red pigments in face. Google carotenoid glow - a pretty universal way to make your face more attractive can be attained by improving diet with more fruit and veg.

• Key skincare ingredients. Peruvian Moonflower Petals or whatever may sound super pretty but there are only a handful of ingredients backed up with scientific research to prove their efficacy. Retinol, Niacinamide and Vitamin C, plus acid exfoliators, are the most widely known ingredients to improve skin and reverse sun damage. You need to understand your personal skin concerns and build a routine around that.

• Moisturiser. Having moisturised skin makes a huge difference in its appearance and the appearance of makeup sitting on top. You do NOT need fancy ingredients to moisturisers. Keep moisturisers simple and treat them separately from the active ingredients above. There's no point getting a tub of cream with retinol in it. The most basic and cheap moisturisers can be the most effective - good old vaseline is the most effective substance for reducing trans epidermal water loss.

So I guess diet and exercises plus a good skincare routine, while not very exotic, is the best way to look younger. I have no idea about cosmetic procedures or botox, filler etc yet as I haven't looked into that stuff yet.

@onedaysoonish do you have a link?

Drink water that should help your skin, dye your hair, tone up and lose weight, buy a back combing brush for less than a pound and give your hair volume or a volumizing powder you just shake on and rub in, features that younger people have are bigger lips, eyes and cheeks, so maybe an eye lash curler to open your eyes up and mascara, lipstick and lip liner to add definition to your lips, highlighter and blusher for your cheeks maybe also get a spray tan or fake tan everyone looks better with a tan. Im 31 and I don't feel threatened by 21 year olds because I will keep myself up there with standards and couldn't just let myself go. My skin has never been great and it has huge pores and looks so dry and dull but I've started drinking water and it's made a difference. The thought of being 35 and 'that's it' for you is scary as I'm not far off that but I also believe I am young and I do believe what you believe about yourself shows through and people subconsciously believe it too

... Oh and exfoliate your face skin to make the rough skin go

At 33 I still looked the same as 23, then I had a baby :D

Lack of sleep, healthy food and dehydration plus being over weight have taken their toll. Trying to get back in shape now though.

As a Male I always find it strange that "women" put so much pressure on yourselves to conform to the beauty norm pressed forward in the media. For me attractiveness is made of many facets. Confidence, humour, happiness, personality and in some part external attractiveness. Please do not measure your attractiveness purely by the reflection in the mirror and be over critical. We all age and loose our former youthful looks, I once had lovely blonde hair now I have a receding hair line and a very wide parting (bald patch), and my six pack is more like a keg!
I speak for myself but know from friends and colleagues that most hate the false eyebrow, pouting big lip, covered in makeup look that is the rage just now. Age gracefully, accept the changes and be confident, happy, and fun. This will turn the heads of many men your age.

1. Do what you can be bothered with in the grooming department, I put fake tan on in summer, a bit of make-up, jeans and blazer look. No cosmetic adjustment yet!

1. Be a fun, interesting and charismatic person. Both my mum and my gran remarried later in life, in 50's and 70's! Is it because they are super-hot? No, they had interests, hobbies, got out of the house, interested in people, and met nice interesting people back. This is not unusual, I know several people who have second or third marriages/relationships.

I think it's easy to feel at 35 that you should have it all sorted (as in marriage and kids) and so you aren't measuring up in some way. But honestly, the world is your oyster. You don't need to attract men in bars to enjoy yourself.

This will sound patronising but when you are 70 as I am you will look back and realise you are really wasting your energy worrying

No more politics is right. Even at 45 you will probably think this! Lol.

Exercise, good posture, healthy diet, drinking lots of water, diligent skin routine, good moisturiser with high SPF. Taking good care of yourself on the inside is a must and a good haircut is a bonus!

@nowiknowmynoodles it's here but there are different strengths www.farmaciaenandorra.com/shop/retirides-005-30g

There's a great skincare thread - it's called something like is everyone having Botox without me - I found the recommendation on there (along with a tonne of other great recommendations!)

Face yoga with Rajnana khan
This woman is amazing! It really works

Skin- high factor sunscreen and good moisturiser all year round. I rarely wash or cleanse my face allowing the skins natural oils to do the job it does best.

Weight - always carry an extra half a stone than your ideal weight, it fills out your face. Also don’t limit your fatty foods, fats are essential for cell regeneration and a chronic low fat diet is ageing. Go for low carb and eat foods with unprocessed fats (butter, olive oil etc)

Clothes - always try before you buy. Never buy the size you think you are, buy clothes that fit you. Cut out the labels if you don’t want to to know the size. If you gain weight before your period buy two sizes so if you bloat you still look good in jeans or trousers.
Find your style and don’t blindly follow fashion trends. I have broad shoulders and big boobs so look awful with current fashion of high necks. I always wear low cut or v -necks to balance shoulders and boobs. Never wear leggings! Gym kit is for the gym.

Confidence is the secret - walk tall, look people in the eye and smile. Fundamentally a woman who is uncomfortable in her body is not going to be a confident lover and that’s what attraction is all about.

Retinal all the way ... I get The Ordinary's one. Only around £7 I think. Saying that I'm 55, I've never smoked, drink lots of water, get 8ish hours of sleep and am very careful in the sun. I'm not very wrinkly .... colour my hair and make effort with makeup and clothes.

I'm really trying not to sound inspirational quotey here but honestly I feel I look better and am definitely in the best shape of my life at 40 and a lot of it was letting go of the idea that ageing was ugly. It's just not.

I look older but frankly I'm more beautiful now than I ever was.

I do enjoy taking care of myself (I didn't at 25, I didnt have the confidence of putting myself first sometimes).

Yes I have wrinkles, I absolutely do not look 25 and I genuinely am pleased about that. For me partly at 25 I was a mess, emotionally and mentally.

Now my body is my own , I take care of it because I want to . I enjoy makeup and skincare because I'm not trying to look like something I'm not or someone else. I enjoy playing enhancing what I am. It's fun.

My hair is the colour and style that suits me and not what fashion dictates. I wear clothes that emphasis what I want to emphasise not what fashion tells me is in (unless they happen to coincide).

For me personally I like different fabrics like lace and drapey clothes. So I wear them , with the confidence at 40 i would never have had even five years ago.

Honestly i get more attention now , i think partly i carry myself in a way that suggests I dont care either way, because I dont.

Honestly it's not over , the best bit is coming. I wouldn't go backwards for any amount of money. I genuinely wouldn't choose youth over confidence.

Botox will sort out your frown lines.

As pp have said retinol but preferably tretinion and SPF, SPF is a MUST if using retinol or tretinoin. You can get tretinoin on a website called Dermatica if your in the U.K. it’s a subscription type. I’ve not tried it yet but only because I’m finishing the retinol that I currently have. It has wonderful reviews.
Have a good skincare regime cleanse, tone and moisturise and SPF (can’t say this enough)and a night cream .

The Ordinary have good items and aren’t expensive at all, check out Caroline Hirons for more information

Healthy diet, more weights less cardio. A good haircut/colour and well cut and fitting clothes.

I do all this and I’m 49 and I’ve been told I look in my 30’s (don’t know if it’s true but I’ll take it and it gives me a confidence boost).

Really I’m placemarking as I’m no expert in this field but I do notice that smiling is a fantastic facelift. People who are comfortable in their own skin, enjoy their life and are not self-obsessed always look attractive to me.

Loving how positive and inspiring this thread is.

Eat low carb high fat and exercise - go teetotal

Op - I think lockdown is getting to you!

Fellow 35 (36 in a few weeks!) year old here and looking back, I’ve only really felt unattractive when I’m not in a good head space.

The beauty routine I have now is probably focused more on health and maintaining longevity rather than the physical now. I try and look after myself in a way that won’t be damaging for the future. So, I’m embracing the greys - at least for the time being - eat pretty healthily, starting to exercise. I’ve also recently started to oil cleanse and wear an SPF everyday. Try to use SLS free products. Won’t touch botox/fillers, false nails and hair etc: partly because I think it perpetuates the media narrative of female ‘attractiveness’, partly because I’m too lazy and tight with my money to do anything too high maintenance !

Hope this is just a temporary feeling for you and it passes

Stop smoking, reduce your alcohol intake, lower your stress, and do a combination of yoga, hiit, and weight training. Drink plenty of water and reduce your sugar/simple carbs levels. Add some happiness and confidence, then you are on the road to 100 percent hotness.

Sorry but YABU. 35 is no age at all.

Also helps if you have been wearing sunscreen since you were in the womb.