how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

I think if you’ve always had an interest in how you look (make up, skincare, hair done etc) you carry this through life and just modify techniques and products as you get older.

If you just wake up one day and decide you’re getting older and want to take years off it’s not that easy unfortunately and will probably take more money and time to get the desired effect.

I agree perdita

God forbid we age.

How to look attractive at 35? Be attractive. It’s pretty simple.

Wow! I agree with the PP, don't make attracting men your focus as that is a game none of can ever win, even the ''winners''.

I'm 50 so this mindset shift is a necessity for me, but in the last few years I've really made being content, wise, calm and healthy my priority. I look after teeth, hair and I like clothes and make up, same as before but Im more solid on the inside. I have never felt more valuable as a person than I do now! Even though I guess society does not value me. However, I value me. I have a right to age and I am ageing and that's my RIGHT. Don't apologise for it.

However, you're only 35! so this mindset shift isn't quite right for you YET

I am 46 and look younger and well. I do have some lines but I don’t think they define me and I have been told I look young for my age. I don’t groom excessively but I do put fake tan on my face and neck on Sunday and Wednesday nights each week to keep my skin a healthy colour. It is fairly subtle so it blends in and doesn’t look weird that I don’t do my body. I dye my hair, hate the whites showing personally, so that is essential for me. I go running most days or gym (now online exercise classes). I drink a fair amount of water, and I don’t drink much. I used to binge drink a bit (going OTT when I went out) but haven’t touched alcohol since February and I have noticed my skin looks even better than it did. I eat fairly healthily - plenty of fruit and vegetables and I have a large breakfast and lunch but no dinner as I put on weight otherwise. I do my make up most days (good primer, foundation, blusher, lipstick, mascara and eyebrow powder to fill in my eyebrows which have got a bit thin). I keep to a lightish shade though as I am not a fan of really dark eyebrows that are in fashion. In the evenings I take my make up off with facial wipes and put on Lidl serum and Lidl night cream. It is really cheap and really good. And that’s it really. You have years of looking good in you yet at 35, don’t give up!

A thick fringe solves the frown lines

Exercise. My metabolism does seem to have slowed a little since 35. I now have to think about maintaining my weight rather than naturally being in balance. Yoga or pilates are good for core strength. Not so much at this age, but long term, by far the most aging thing is poor posture.

Water

Suncream

Review clothes and make up so they flatter who you are now. I find I now need tinted moisturiser to look polished when bare skin was fine before my mid-30s. I use a bit of eyeshadow on my brows because the current style for very heavy brows means that I needed a little update in that direction.

35 might not be the fresh glow of a young adult, but it is still young in the grand scheme of things

@DramaAlpaca
I so agree with you.
For me I didnt have self confidence and when I look back at photos of myself, I get so upset that I couldn't love myself then, there was not one thing wrong with me, although I was dreadfully unhappy.
I am now 56, quite a bit heavier, I wear no make up , have never coloured my hair (being a curly ginger has its upsides) wear what is comfortable, but can step up if need be, and I am so much more happier. It just saddens me that I didn't feel like this years ago.
I hate the pressures of being perfect on much younger women.
Please embrace the changes to yourself, I bet they arent as bad as you think.

I met my husband when I was 36 having spent a lot of time in my thirties worrying about becoming less and less attractive. I doubt very much my husband would say it was my physical looks that drew him to me- he certainly didn’t glimpse me across a crowded bar and think “I must talk to that beautiful woman” , but I guess when our mutual friend introduced us he thought “she looks OK”.

My top tips would be:
Get a really good haircut and colour, if possible something a bit unusual, and maintain it. Do you remember the old Trinny and Susannah programmes? They would spend ages on clothes but the women also got a new hairdo just before the reveal. I always thought that made a bigger difference than the clothes.

Take up running and weights. In my thirties when I was single I had the luxury of time and used it to take up running, from a base of zero fitness- just park runs and 5 or 10ks but I looked and felt so much better for it. Weights are a good idea to maintain bone density as you approach your forties and building lean muscle helps burn calories.

Wear nice clothes when you leave the house (one for the future!). I don’t mean heels and high fashion, just things like non-scruffy trainers, nicely fitting jeans not baggy leggings, avoiding Primark and supermarket clothes if you can afford it. Try to avoid wearing anything too mumsy.

Get your brows threaded. I am not a fan of the HD brows look but it’s amazing what a difference a subtle shape can make.

If your teeth are yellow or crooked, look into getting them whitened and straightened.

Use a good serum at night, like Estée Lauder advanced night repair.

Hope that helps, good luck!

Look after your skin. A good* moisturiser with SPF, eye cream, night cream, gentle cleanser, glycolic peel every now and then: none of it will roll back the years, but it will slow down their impact on your face. I never set foot outside the door without SPF moisturiser, even if I'm only doing the garden.

A friend swears by using eye cream on the nose-mouth lines, I've been following her example and it seems to help.

I think that as we start to age, we need our make-up to look more natural. Loads of slap on older women can give the "mutton dressed as lamb" look. Personally, I'd avoid microbladed brows and fake lashes for this reason.

*"good" doesn't need to mean expensive. I've downgraded from Clarins for reasons of economy, and find L'Oreal Revitalift really suits my skin, and I stock up when it's half-price in Sainsburys.

Hi op, I'm 34 and i can feel the skin on my upper eyelids starting to sag and be less firm, I'm also getting white eyebrow hairs, but i pluck those lol

You're still a baby!

I don't think there's any way around it: you have to exercise to maintain youth as you age. It's not fun but it can become a manageable habit. Running is basically free, as is online Pilates/yoga or similar. Just get cracking.

I've never worried too much about frown lines/furrows etc, I think they can look quite sexy, but I've resisted ageing hair. No need to go grey if you have some time and £5 to spend. Switch to a low shampoo, L'Oreal has a great one - protect your hair, do not brush it when wet, do not blow dry it, put a strengthening serum on it, and it will grow longer and fuller.

There are so many youtube tutorials on how to do subtle/youthful makeup these days, try a few.

Self-tanner, used sparingly, can do wonders.

Don't overlook your eyebrows. I would fight shy of microblading- fill them in with a brown shadow, then finish with mascara-shaped wand spritzed with water and a bit of Ponds bar soap, you can make them appear a bit bushier/more youthful. The effects can be quite dramatic.

You're still so young that you can pull most anything off. Have fun.

I am 37 and have 3 kids. I have recently noticed wrinkles, greys, sun damage on skin and eyes, and my nose is getting bigger.
This all bothers me a little, but not as much as my body after 3 kids. Separated stomach muscles mean a little belly, fat hips, no boobs.
So you are one up on me OP! I feel very unattractive.
However, in reality I am size 10, smiley, thick hair, essentially quite a pretty face, slender shoulders.
I plan to keep fit, use anti wrinkle cream and hair dye, and smile a lot.
Having read this thread, I also need to cut down on sugar.
Ageing sucks.

Lilyamna - Happy people look infinitely more attractive than miserable ones... You sound miserable - you have basically described yourself as a self-pitying turd in your OP!

You need to be honest OP.

You say you are happily single but the rest of your post doesn't read like that.

Is this about finding a man or looking good for yourself?

What is your usual beauty routine? what products do you use or what kind of make up? Who does your hair?

I get the impression you have suddenly decided you need to do something after years of not bothering.

Maybe you could post a photo so people can help, or go to the Style and Beauty forum for advice?

Btw, people notice permanent laughter and smile lines less when you are laughing and smiling, because then they are normal creases on your face, not wrinkles! Another reason not to go around looking miserable...

Really you are so so young to be thinking like this.

This is not about practical tips on beauty but about the fact you need to fundamentally think why you think this

I’m a similar age OP but don’t think you should be giving up on yourself just yet!
What is your current skincare/beauty routine, or if you don’t have a routine, what products do you use?
My number one tip is SPF50 SUNSCREEN EVERY DAY on my face.
And as others say, the boring exercise/eating OK/drinking water all plays a part. Now is a good time to make some small changes if you can.
I’m definitely not obsessed. At the moment 1do 20 min exercise at home on a morning and a walk for 45-60 min every evening. And I have found some products that work for me - needn’t be expensive, Nivea creme in the blue pot works as well as any other night cream for me.
Small bits of effort will pay off!

I'm 39 this year and agree water is probably the most important (and boring) of all things to add to routine. I've got a rubber face exfoliator from Wish this year which is actually amazing and easy to clean (cost about £5 with postage) and one for the body which is bigger. Makes a big difference and doesn't burn like the gloves I used to use did. I've grown my hair long and stopped going bold colours too - was read until a couple of years ago and realised how pale it made me look. I don't have masses of disposable income and haven't ever got into tanning, false eyelashes, hair extensions or gel nails so I like to think the natural hair suits this better and looks more elegant than obvious fake additions.

I'd love to know what women over 35 use instead of jeans - I always think I feel as if they bring me down when I put them on, but they are so versatile! Of course that has a knock on effect to the shoes...I don't want to totter in stilettos any more!

Also OP, something that will give your head a wobble is if you read your post as if a man had written it. I have yet to meet a man who is as worried and certainly don't see many who have thought about this at all when having their photo taken for dating sites! .

red not read!

OP have you had your thyroid checked?

I'm a similar age and don't really know anyone whose started losing hair or suddenly started putting on weight, even those running around after toddlers are in reasonably good nick. 35 really isn't old. I'd be more concerned about your health than your looks.

I hope you're wearing some decent glasses or lenses now too?

At 35 you are a mere baby! Honestly lots of women look attractive well into their later years .Maybe some hair Colour may help .Also maybe experiment with make up ( when lockdown over maybe see a beauty consultant for a makeover ,or look online for tutorials). I am sure you look fine though .Almost all women who are confident and happy with their looks ,will be noticed by men ,they are not all beauty queens!

@Walkaround bit harsh! Remember a lot of people are already feeling pretty down atm.

Christ I'm 34 and feel like I'm in my total prime. Yeah, I look a bit older than I did ten years ago but I feel a million times more self assured and I live a much healthier lifestyle, both physically and mentally.

Do a mix of cardio and strength training, eat a balanced diet and watch your calorie intake, take multivitamins (with biotin in, it will help with your hair). If you smoke, stop. Ditch alcohol (seriously, ditch it). Drink lots of water. Get enough sleep if you can.

At a bare minimum you'll notice a massive difference just from the above.

Hi OP - I want to second the PP who suggested retinol and sunscreen. Only two things that have been clinically proven to do anything about ageing. And not expensive! I've found the best retinol is tretinoin which is prescription only here but if you don't want to pay to see a derm you can buy from Spain (where it's not prescription only) - it's a few euros plus a few euros p&p.

Post in style and beauty, you'll get more helpful tips. You need to give a budget for skincare.

The Ordinary range is cheap, around £9 a product. You can build a routine on the website. Retinol, hyaluronic acid and a peel will make a difference. I bought a home microneedling kit and a RF machine from QVC on easy payments. I'm in my 50's, don't want fillers and both have removed lines and given me a glow (I am now going to get undereye filers when we come out of lock down £250). I use Bare minerals makeup and use a hair dye that I get from Home and bargain. I did have my eyebrows done from £130 in my city, but now I use eyebrow mascara or eyelure dye.

You've got to address diet, drinking etc if you want to maintain your face/body. I agree that heavy weights are the way to go. I have a set of weights from Argos and a kettle bell I got in TKMax. It's all you need.

That's my budget routine.

I don't care about men fancying me. I had a lot of harassment when I was younger and quite frankly their sense of entitlement to behave in that way is disgusting. How dare they publicly appraise women, as though that's our sum total. Your feminism really takes off in your 40's. But think it out and you won't feel bad that it isn't happening anymore.

I’m 40 in a month,iv never been one for makeup I hate the way it feels,only thing iv had done is microbladed eyebrows it lifts the eyes,cost me £200,also I get a hot bath followed by a quick cold shower,I think mostly it’s genetics