how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

I'm 48 but people often think I'm up to 10 years younger than that. First though I should say that being attractive to men really isn't a yardstick by which to value yourself. However, it is important to feel good about yourself and some of that will be bound up in your appearance.

So, I cycle a lot. I drive longer journeys but anything under a 10 mile round trip I will cycle it and have done throughout my adult life. It's great for toning up most muscle groups but it's also good for your mind.

I've never smoked. I drink alcohol but other than a bingeing phase in my 20s, relatively little. I drink caffeine but not that much. I drink plenty of water. I'm fishy-vegetarian and eat healthily although I will eat sugary junk food, just in moderation.

I dye my hair. I do very little with my skin because I cannot afford expensive products. Plus I figure eating fresh fruit and veg and drinking water keeps the skin healthy from the inside so there's less need for superficial treatments. I am a redhead so I avoid too much sunlight.

And always remember this - laughter lines are a sign that you enjoy life, and no-one wants to hang out with a miserable fucker, no matter how smooth their skin.

I think you need to stop comparing with when you were 25 and think of how you'll feel when you're 50 or 70. I'm in my 40s, but I try to think of how I'll think I was in my 40s when I'm in my 70s or 80s. I'll probably think I was 'young' compared to how I'll feel then. I won't have wanted to have been wallowing in self pity about it. We need to live for the now.

" I should say that being attractive to men really isn't a yardstick by which to value yourself. "

It IS relevant to a single woman though isn't it and there's no shame in it.

I saw a photo of a friend I haven't seen in about 10 years. She had moved to Australia, and now had the neckline of a 60 year old (she's 30). I'm convinced it was due to the sun.

I'm late 40s and I think I look good.
I have a strong idea of how I want to look, I'm quite 'glam' and usually look done up even if I'm not really. Things I do and think help-as others have said
Have an idea of how you want to look and work towards it. Who do you admire the look of?
How I want to look is not for everyone. Im slightly alternative looking, but I do more or less look like I want to.
Confidence, stand up tall.
Retinol, I buy mine over the counter in Europe, but you can get non prescription thats supposed to work here.
Botox/fillers I have one area done about every 9 months
I have lip rejuvenation with fillers. It's got rid of upper lip lines and is not overdone looking.
Eyebrows, I had HD brows about 6 years ago, I keep them tinted and shaped myself
Eyelash extensions, I have these once a month and have natural looking ones
I do my own roots once a month, hair is long so only have it cut if it needs it.
Do my own tan and nails.
I probably spend £200 a year on botox/fillers, I go to KITA aesthetics in Burnley. Eyelashes are 25 a month

I stopped drinking alcohol. Completely. (I do use tropics skincare : supergreens and abc range) I've grown my hair. Let my natural roots come out. Stopped wearing foundation and honestly I've never looked so good! (and youthful) I do drink lots of water. Don't eat much fruit but eat lots of vegetables. Never liked chocolate so don't eat much sugar.

The style and beauty boards are your friend OP! I felt similar after two back to back pregnancies and a few years of no sleep - I went from babyfaced to haggard by 34! When I was despairing about this this to my lovely mum she didn't argue with me so that was confirmation enough that I had to start making more of an effort

You've been given all the advice you need really but if you want more in-depth advice about skincare and fashion/capsule wardrobes and whatnot then head on over to S&B. It's made a big difference to me.

I'm a couple of years off of 60 now (where did those years go!)

I have rosacea, I've managed to get the spots side of it under control but still flush up at the sight of a curry. I've also got eczema in a small patch on my scalp (probably linked to the rosacea). So I have to be careful with my skin and my hair. I limit my shampoo to Simple or Child's Farm and now don't dye it as I can't take the chance with the eczema. Luckily the grey is coming in as gentle streaks of white so I'm looking forward to a Helen Mirren look!

I use Body Shop's Drops of Youth serum every day and the same range eye serum. I use the Body Shop Drops of Light liquid peel every couple of weeks. I have lines around the eyes but they are faint and the furrow between the brow that I had is extremely faint. I use Child's Farm moisturiser.

I don't now need to wear foundation but I do use mineral powder lightly fluffed on with a powder brush. I've not worn blusher for years - rosacea makes me blushy enough and layering make up just makes the redness worse. The more I leave my face alone, the better the skin looks.

Because of that I've taken my eye make up back to real basics. A quick slick of eyebrow pencil - I don't do HD as it makes my face look overdone. I just fill in the gaps and tidy the brows up.

I use one eye shadow colour, take it under the eye, blend it up a little way above the socket line so it fades out and use mascara on the top lashes with a corner coating on the lower ones. Using too much mascara on the lower lashes makes me look tired.

I used to use browns on my eyes but find they make me look washed out now so I've 'boldened up' to a smokey dark green. As I have hazel eyes it really livens them up. Don't be frightened to grab a few cheap eyeshadows in different colours and try them out. I buy mine from Wilkinsons! They're the best eye make up I've worn for years.

I think I'm looking OK for my age. I'm not a raving beauty but I don't scare the cat too often. I met DH when I was 40 so I didn't scare him either!

I think at 35 it was a case of finding what worked, adding a few fashionable things to it (make up and clothes wise) but not thinking like a 20 year old and going for fashion all the way. At 35 I was just coming out of the all over hair dye stage and into the highlights stage. I knew a few people who used all over hair dye who were older than me and it looked false - probably because they stuck to one shade all the time rather than work with their skin tone changes. I went for highlights as I knew I wanted the grey to come in naturally even before the eczema started and highlights can work the grey streaks into a natural look. Then, when the grey got to a bigger percentage, I just dropped the highlights and the grey took over.

I'm aiming for a Helen Mirren/Jenny Eclair/Honor Blackman look eventually - bold make up and white hair! I've added more colour to my wardrobe now to make me more noticeable as the face/hair colour fades.

People age differently and I think it's important to do what works for you, not what 'fashion/people/media' dictates. Have a look at on line tutorials and experiment. Look at the women you admire. What is it that they have in common? Make up? Hair styles? Hair colour? Clothes shape or colour? Look at yourself and see where the gaps are then start working on filling that gap.

I’m 39 now and probably look better now than I did in my twenties I had a really round face it’s now slimmed out , I’ve lost weight and face has better cheek bones and I don’t feel as awkward . Think the key is eating well not being too under or over weight and laying off the booze . I use retinol on my skin too , I had bad acne and oily skin when younger and it’s dryer now .

"Teeth whitening can give you alot of confidence and it's only around £150 from your dentist for the first time and around £65 for top ups twice a year."

ONLY 150! Anyone know of a cheaper way?
Also, is it a good idea for people with sensitive teeth? Or with some teeth missing? I suppose if I get some false ones at some point they may then not match in colour?

I also get my hair done professionally and use treatments and always wear light make up , I find lighter make up is more flattering as I get older I used to wear loads . A bit of fake tan always helps too .

This turd is 67 this year and it’s still being polished regularly. I have no waist, like many post menopausal women, I wear tops and dresses that skim it. I wear fabulous shoes and red lipstick to draw attention away from the bits I don’t like. I smile a lot so people don’t see the bitchy resting face and accept that nobody except me gives a toss.

At 35 you’re in your prime, you’ll look at pictures of yourself in ten years time and wonder at your foolishness and wish you’d appreciated your looks more.

Get some Botox if those forehead lines really bother you, sort out a decent skincare regime, embrace those curves and dress to flatter them. You’re your own worst critic. Nobody else cares.

If you aren't completely broke and want to prioritize it, you can have Botox and fillers. I had both once or twice, but unfortunately it needs doing regularly and I have other things I want to spend money on.

Your hair should't be getting thinner at 35 and I don't think you should be losing your waistline yet. You could speak to your GP- but maybe you're mostly just being a bit down on yourself and you haven't actually gone to seed that much.

A lot of women in their late 30s are really unhappy about this. I'm 43 now and you get used to it and accept the old you as you.

Only crap men will be put off by us being a bit older. You get sleazed on less- it's a built-in twat filter.

@Gwenhwyfar crest whitening strips work well and are about £50 for a course from Cali white or UK teeth whitening but you will need to bust out the sensodyne I’m afraid!

Drink loads of water.
Try not to eat much sugar or meat or diary.
Exfoliate.
Moisturise.
Go to the hairdresser and get a good cut and colour regularly.
Get your nails done.
Exercise (running/walking and weights)
Stand and walk tall, not slouched over.
Wear clothes that suit you and aren't baggy.
Stay out of the sun.
Don't smoke or drink much.
Relax.

Youth and physical symmetry is a tiny part of what makes someone attractive.

Don't smoke, don't drink. Eat lots of fruit and veg, not much sugar. Exercise daily. Do activities that you enjoy in your spare time, push yourself professionally. All those things are good for you and will make your feel better about yourself and that will make you attractive to others.

Oh - and to give you hope, I met my husband when I was nearly 45 and totally grey.

I'm 37 and looked the best I ever did at 35- have put on a bit more weight recently but am working out more now on lockdown so it's coming off.

I try and have a good skin routine . I started using a Glowmini and have really noticed a difference in my skin. I also use a cold roller for plumpness, a good retinol serum and then good moisturiser. I like face theory products.
I love make up, and normally wear it everyday, not loads but just the basics with a good cheek highlighter. I dye my own hair every month but it grows so quickly and I hate the sight of greys. I use problo to give myself a bit bouncy blow dry-
www.problogroup.com

I exercise 4-5 times a week, try to drink water, I do like the sun and drink several times a week. I try and balance out the bad things with the good.

I think a lot of it is about styling and how you carry yourself. Smiling and laughing makes a huge difference :-)

By being 35 😁

Drink water, exercise, light make up if you want to, thread eyebrows, wax where you want to.

Look people in the eye and smile.

It's hard not to be attracted to someone who makes you feel they're pleased to see you.

This is probably going to sound like cosmic woo. But I swear it’s true. It’s about confidence and how you feel about yourself.

I am 48 and feel far more attractive now than I did in my early 20s. Because I know who I am, I know what I do and don’t want and I know I am attractive.

Until you get this - and it took me a long time - everything else you do: Botox/fillets/good hair and make up/drinking water/ all that jazz, is window dressing. It will only ever make a marginal difference if you don’t have the confidence to style it out.

Btw 35 is nothing.

It IS relevant to a single woman though isn't it and there's no shame in it.

And the very next sentence I wrote, after the one you criticised, was: 'However, it is important to feel good about yourself and some of that will be bound up in your appearance.' I'm not trying to shame anyone, just reassure them that whilst appearance can be important, there's a lot more going on besides.

Being attractive in the sense of looking nice, appealing to others, I like it. I don't mind that I still turn the odd head but I don't place my self-worth on it now as I did when I was younger (lucky as it's not that often!)

Vanhi, oh yes, it's not all about appearance, but it is a very large part of finding a partner for a 35-year old woman. There seems to be a bit of a taboo about admitting that sometimes and it's silly. That's what I meant about the shame thing.