how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

I think it’s important to look after your skin. You don’t need expense products. I use vitamin E oil on my skin a few times a weeks I’m 48 soon and have few lines and have never smoked

Don’t start with the Botox. So what you have frown lines they don’t make you look older just that you have frown lines some people have deep laughter lines these don’t need to be got rid of

Look after yourself physically and mentally and don’t obsess about how you look. At 35 I was still obsessing what a waste of time I looked great look less great now but care less, I’m not obsessing about holding on to what I had and that’s sad too I’m still attractive why because I’m comfortable with myself

I was a mess in my 20s! Bouncy skin, yes, but terrible hair, bad clothes, absolute state.

I look and feel better at 36 than I did in my twenties (or teens, but who likes the way they look as a teen!).

Please don’t fuck with your eyebrows, they will look terrible. Trying to follow the trends or looks of people in their early twenties wont end well - these are the looks they will look back on and cringe. This is the time to find your style, and free yourself from all that bollocks.

@SliAnCroix but I think it does as attractiveness is so subjective. If you feel good about yourself and feel attractive then you are actually attractive as the only opinion that actually matters on it is your own. You can’t rely on other people’s opinions on a subject that is so individual and personal. So I would say in this situation how you feel is actually all that matters.

Just be pleased with yourself.

Place marking. I need the tips too I've go to shit lately.

You should be at the peak of the beautiful you at 35. Always taking care of your skin is a must, and I don't mean with fancy and expensive products. Drinking lots of water. and not eating junk food always helps.

I started going grey at 14, coloured my hair to match my original colour for 23 years but eventually gave in 2 years ago and went full grey, I bloody love it!! No pressure to have to keep up with roots but I do put on a toner when I have a big night out. I've had more compliments on my hair since accepting my grey than I ever did before

Oops should probably say I'm 39 now

I do agree with ‘just be pleased with yourself’.

As a lifelong Plain Jane, I have actually had a quiet and long overdue ‘ugly ducking moment’ in my forties. I’ve lost weight (for health reasons) and have got fit and toned up. I feel more confident and get more attention from men now than I’ve ever done, not that I’m interested in anyone (married).
I don’t think it’s my dewy skin, lean thighs or perky tits that’s attracting them, for I am not in possession of any of those. I think it’s that I look trim and healthy, dress well, have a flattering hairstyle and bags of confidence and energy. I’m no prettier than I’ve ever been...my face is still my face...but more stares, approaches and attempts to engage from men now at age 44 than I ever knew in my twenties. It’s confidence. If you conduct yourself as though you have it, other people will assume you’ve got something to be confident about and will want to know more...including stupid, horny men.

Also forgot to say, no Botox here, fillers, or any indeed any costly, invasive or time consuming beauty routines. I don’t even wear make up bar a slick of mascara on a daily basis. And I’m usually in outdoor gear owing to work and preferred pastimes too, nothing sexy or even very feminine.
Since I lost weight, got fit, toned up and.became more comfortable in my own skin, I’ve noticed a marked difference in how men perceive me.
I’m no trophy, but I guess I seem attractive without being too scary to approach and/or flirt with.
Never have men been so charming or helpful to me before.

Anyway, like I say...no interest. I’m suitably flattered but happy to stick with my dh of 23 years who doesn’t give a fig what I look like and is proud as anything of what I’ve achieved.

Maybe you just need to be pleased with yourself like that previous poster says. You can’t hang on to your youth but your allure is more present than ever. It’s in your self worth, not your age.
Good luck and fuck Botox. X

I'd say the absolute most attractive thing you can do is stop giving a microshit what other people think of how you look. Easier said than done I know! I spend a lot more time than I'm proud of wishing I was thinner/smoother/didn't have a lazy eye. We're programmed to. But one of the many plus sides of having a child I've found is that although I've never looked worse objectively I've never cared less, because I'm veryfulfilled by what I'm doing with my life and who I've become. Not by any means advocating children as a confidence-booster, and certainly not as a beauty treatment(!!), but perhaps a similar recalibration of your metrics for self-worth is in order?

You say you read a lot so are likely intelligent, you work so you have your own independence, you sound like a nice person. Who gives a monkey's if you have some laughter lines and a bit of a belly?

As a happily single person, unless you have other caring responsibilities you didn't mention, you will have a huge amount of time and freedom you probably aren't even aware of having, because you're not structuring your life around the needs and wants of others. You could forget about what's attractive to others and think exclusively about what is interesting/aspirational to YOU. Do you want to be able to dance/sing/play an instrument? Do you want to visit the capitals of Europe? Do you want to learn how to make your own clothes? These are all imo far better uses of the time you have rather than fighting against the tide of ageing which comes to all of us eventually in any case, and SHOULDN'T be considered as such a horrifying prospect. Do you want to reach that eventual state gracefully and rich in self-possession, experience and wisdom, or slightly later with a slightly tauter face but still obsessed by how your face is rated by others?

Maybe some people are genetically so gifted, or so wealthy/time rich that they don't have to make that choice, and can do self-improvement and youth-maintenance (because this is what we're talking about here, not 'beauty' which is subjective and available at all ages) side by side. If that's you, good for you. But if like me you have a fairly common set of genetic afflictions and are ageing visibly, and limited time to expend on self-care/leisure, I think maintaining the illusion of youth should be so far down the list of priorities as to barely register frankly.

Wow, preachy. But just want to share the joy of 'couldn't give a fuck'. It's very liberating!

You need to embrace what you’ve got @Lilyamna Maybe you’re just feeling down because it’s lockdown? I’m 35 also with a bit of a tummy but have cut it down majorly and lost 13lbs 🥳 in 6 weeks just by cutting out the biccies and cakes that I would normally have in the office. Still got 1.5 stone to go. My sister (33) and I are always being told we look between 5-7 years younger so some of it is in the genes but a lot of it can be down to taking care of yourself and getting into good routines.

@PseudoCream02 please could you tell me which low level acid you use?! I’ve had a moderate peel which was intense but brilliant results. I have a mild one the other month and it really didn’t do much at all...

Look. I love my old grey hair, I love myself. You've got to feel ok.

You've got to feel good about yourself.

I’m 35 too and after years of looking much younger than my age, in the past three years I have suddenly caught up and probably look older now.

I try to wear makeup everyday, very toned down, as natural as I can be. Some years back I went into boots and asked them to help me with makeup to basically look like I wasn’t wearing any!

Wearing clothes you love really helps too. In my younger years I was all about tight jeans, knee high stiletto boots etc. Now I adore maxi dresses and skirts with flats.

Honestly, I think it’s all in the attitude too. Embracing the natural changes that age brings and avoid thinking that attractive = looking young. There is the confidence that I think only a mature woman can have that is attractive.

Attitude might help with being more attractive but I think we're talking about looks. I think a lot of people can look good longer these days if they look after themselves. I'm often told I look younger myself, but I know it can be difficult to judge the real age, for instance can be very hard to tell between 25-35 or 35-45, so of course you'll always say the lowest number because that's what people like to hear and you don't want to offend anyone.
I mean, even Botox doesn't really make people look younger, they look better if done well but it's the whole look, body, skin that affects how old you look.
Unfortunately after 35 skin starts to sag, muscles become weaker, I've realised that l need to start putting effort in and exercise, which I personally didn't have to do when I was young. I know I don't look bad and still get attention but I notice the little things, eyelids, lines around the mouth which can only be changed with Botox/fillers. And you do look better smiling but then you can see more noticeable smile lines. But I know it's natural and you can't expect to look young forever, I'm learning to accept that every day.

is anyone going to reply to Iloveyourhairyhands

Great advice from @pictish

Is anyone going to reply to Iloveyourhairyhands?

No. Because anyone who repeatedly posts photographs, apparently of themselves, on an anonymous forum, is either worryingly attention-seeking or not who they say they are, or both.

46 year old here and a bit of a heifer (more so since lockdown) . No wrinkles as such (good genes on that score) but saggy pooch, saggy tits, thinner hair, shit knees, shit gums etc.

Everything takes more time and more money, alas. It's fucking depressing how easy men have it in comparison.

My top tip is Aveeno cream, which is awesome for face and hands and so much cheaper than the high-end brand moisturisers.

Also, I buy far fewer clothes but buy better quality. I have ditched H&M etc for good. I have lovely, classically cut, Boden jackets etc that have lasted me 9 or 10 years and still look great and are very flattering on a more mature figure.

(That said, I do sometimes buy my knickers in the middle aisle at Lidl. They do surprisingly good granny pants for the days when you need to suck your gut in. 😁)

"It's fucking depressing how easy men have it in comparison."

To be fair they go grey and lose their hair earlier than we do.
(not to mention their Covid risk).

Genetics play a big part. As well as doing some of the things you listed but don’t want to do.
You can’t change genetics, but you can take care of yourself, if you want to.
Eat well
Sleep well
Good skincare routine
Facials
Exercise
Good hair style
Not dressing ‘younger’ or ‘older’
Many have Botox/fillers
Wardrobe overhaul once a year

Well Perdita nothing is as anonymous as you'd like to think, anonymity isn't that important if you post on any SM site. My constant photos are really an illustration of a few things, the first of which, and the one I always tell my children, 'No-one is as interested in you as you', and that's not because you're not interesting, it's because people are self-involved, and there's nothing wrong with that it's just the way it is.

Two, whatever you look like, it doesn't matter, what really matters is how you feel about yourself. Beauty is entirely subjective, other people's opinions are just that.

Three, who really gives a fuck if I like myself? Why should it matter to anyone else if I look at my 47-year-old face and think, 'Do you know what? I think you're fucking brilliant'.

We should rejoice in other people's comfort with themselves. The best thing we can do is find quiet, peace. I think the reason I always post photos is because I want to challenge people. Why don't we like women that like themselves?

I don't know.

OP I remember being 35 and feeling like that, thinking it’s only downhill from here and I’m past it

It’s like saying goodbye to your youth

Then you get to 40 and wahey you feel sexy, then towards 50 you feel you don’t care what people think, but anyway, you feel attractive with it without their approval

So just sit tight, go out and have fun, make friends do fun activities (after bloody lockdown is over)

There is a whole world out there

The worst flirts and super confident people in my friendship group are in their 60s