how to be attractive at 35?

[Lilyamna]

I know that’s not old, and some women my age looks incredible, but in my case my looks are definitely on the ‘downward slope’. I feel like giving up on myself, because - what’s the point? I have furrows between my eyes and a wrinkled brow. Deep laughter lines around my eyes, my cheeks are flattening, my face is getting longer and and I’ve got those wrinkles running from my nose to my mouth. My hair is thinner than it used to be and some greys are appearing. I’m getting fatter- I’m no heavier according to the scales, but a definite tummy is appearing. I just don’t feel attractive any more. I could make more effort with my appearance, but I just get upset that no amount of makeup can hide the wrinkles and change of face and body shape. You can’t polish a turd, as they say.

I am single and happily so ... but I do miss that feeling of being attractive to men. I don’t get ‘looks’ any more, and it’s depressing. It’s like I was happy to be single when I knew I could get a man if I wanted. Now I’m not sure I could at all, and I suddenly feel like I’m on the reject pile.

This is all very self-pitying, I know, and I can think of lots of women with wrinkles and grey hair who are stunning. But I don’t know how they do it? Are they just lucky to have a good bone structure or is there something in their attitude? What is that something that keeps women attractive after their physical peak?
Thank you!

OP I think a lot of it is about confidence. I've been losing weight recently which has made me want to get nicer clothes, sort my hair etc. But I needed to lose weight first. That may not apply to you though.

Retinol and sunscreen for your face and neck

Glowy makeup

Blowdry your hair to add some volume

Op, you have to make the effort.
It’s the normal boring stuff; exercise, water, eye brow threading.
More importantly , it is a self belief

@bloodyhellsbellsx
How much is microblading ? I don't wear much make up but i do like to have nice eyebrows and the plucking is not always successful 😳

35 is definitely not too old to have a shit hot body- like anything worth having it takes hard work.

I'm 39 and also need to find some motivation to get back in shape- not huge, perfectly healthy BMI, just untoned and a bit flabby.

Best thing for your face is drinking plenty of water and eating healthily- again, not rocket science, but requires motivation.

For thinning hair - I use L’Oréal fibrology products and their shampoo and conditioner. Really works. I’ve lovely long thick hair now - people think I’m wearing extensions usually!

Lots of good advice here. I’m sure you don’t look nearly as bad as you I think, but I think it’s common for people to get a sort of mini self/identity crisis every few years when we suddenly are confronted with life problems or physical differences that make us feel vulnerable.

I think it’s nice to have a proper skincare routine. Cleanse morning and night with something gentle, use an acid exfoliant to promote cell turnover and get a bit of glow. Research and buy a good serum/ cream for your skin type. Use sunscreen. Maybe retinol if you’re so inclined. Have a look at people like Caroline Hirons for online tips but also don’t panic buy a load of overpriced stuff. Take the advice about skin types and buy things you can afford.

The other thing that makes a big difference to self confidence I think is exercise. I was a late comer but it has done wonders for my mood, and weight loss and improved tone was a happy by-product for me. I liked feeling like I could do something I thought I was crap at my whole life.

Reassess your wardrobe while you’re in lockdown. Have a good think about what your personal style is. Be bold. Throw away things that make you feel shit/ you hate wearing.

I think grey hair can look wonderful but it’s a really personal thing. If you don’t like it, subtle highlights are a good way of softening your look and transitioning. Wait until after lockdown for a proper hairdresser to do it.

Posture Makes a big difference to how we feel about ourselves and how we appear. I have dreadful posture and I’m trying to correct it with some online yoga and Pilates. Something that’s easy to do during this time.

I have been in this sort of slump before, you will come out of it. Making yourself feel better about yourself is the key.

Ugh, this!

I'm 34, and I make alot more effort now to look nice tha I used to and it shows. I don't have much money to spend on beauty and it's frustrating to say the least.

I think eyebrows make a big difference, shaping if your blessed with nice ones, filling them with eyebrow pencil if on budget, or microblading if you can stretch to it. I'm definitely investing in microblading when I can.

Teeth whitening can give you alot of confidence and it's only around £150 from your dentist for the first time and around £65 for top ups twice a year.

I moisturise daily and use a low level acid to brighten my skin whenever it feels too dull, every few weeks.

Good quality makeup makes a huge difference, or... learning to do it masterfully will make cheap makeup look much better. One of my aims for lockdown is to learn how to do makeup properly.

Biotin and vitamins for hair, I don't use myself but probably need to as my hair is bloody awful. I haven't dyed mine in ages, too scared it'll go wrong or fall out, and my hair doesn't seem to grow, haven't had a haircut in over a year and it's somehow shorter than before. Luckily no greys but need to do something with it. You can cut your own split ends at home, theres a youtube tutorial for that.

Also wear perfume everyday and painting your nails, just seems to make you feel a bit more 'polished'. Like you say, it does feel a little like polishing a turd some days but I'd rather feel like a polished turd than just a turd haha

How to look good at 35?
Same as looking good at the decrepit age of 44 like I am now. Sense of style, big smile.
Confidence in your age, experience and self worth. That’s how you look good at 35.

@Sparkles333 I paid £350 but I’m in the NE so could be more down south! It sounds a lot just for eyebrows but for me it’s worth it, no more pencilling and tinting and the results should last two years and then you can get them topped up for a smaller fee.

My local beauty salon does microblading for £160 including your first top up in the South East

I suppose if it last for two years its not too bad. Thanks 🙂

At 35 you should still look fantastic, I know I did - 50's not so much - I'm guessing you must be a smoker. Only smoking does that to a person.
If you don't smoke then maybe genes. Then it's just bad luck.

Botox is the only thing that will get rid of wrinkles. If done extremely subtly and by a proper professional (plastic surgeon ideally) then it will freshen you up without looking fake. I'm 36 and I have just the lines in between my eyebrows done, not the full forehead. Can still raise eyebrows and have expression (well to be honest I can't frown for a few weeks after having it done) but it lasts AGES, I probably have it done once a year.

A friend has a tiny bit of filler injected under her smile lines- nothing like 'having your lips done' it just pushes the line out from underneath. She had deep lines before, completely gone now

If done correctly, and minimally the difference can be amazing and most importantly- natural looking. I hate the shiny faced tight look you see with too much botox!

Ps obviously I appreciate injectables are not everyone's cup of tea

I thought this was typo @Lilyamna!
35? seriously?

You are young!

Diet (not weight loss unless necessary) - but 5-10 fruit and veg a day. Good fats like avocado, oily fish, nuts.
No booze
no smoking
sun block spf 30+ every single day
sleep

Glasses if you squint or contact lenses
A good hairdresser and a good cut and colour

A good cosmetic dr if you want fillers for your nose to mouth folds or your number 11s (frown lines between eyes) sorting.

Exercise and pilates/ yoga to keep toned up.

Good grief.

How about re-assessing your idea of what constitutes 'attractiveness'? Given that we all hope to live as long as possible why on earth would you want to spend most of that time feeling ashamed of the visible signs of being alive?

Can you really not see that this is no way to live? Are we all supposed to throw ourselves off a cliff at 35 - to avoid the sheer awfulness of ever looking any older?

Certainly indulge your vanity with whatever's available - (most of us do) but for heaven's sake stop telling yourself there's something inherently wrong in the process of ageing.

Do you use sun block?

Sun and UVA/B is the biggest ager of all as well as sugar.

I've used spf 30+ every single day since aged 35 and at 65 I don't have a single wrinkle.

It's unusual for you to have deep lines round your eyes at 35. It must be sun damage so you could try retinol products and some Botox.

I am astonished by this thread. I am 36. Myself and all of my friends barely look any different since 10 years ago.

What I have noticed: a bit of sinking skin around my mouth. Bit of cellulite On legs, laughter lines.

I’m quietly appalled by this thread too (nothing personal to OP).

I think maybe it's what you eat/ lifestyle and sun.

I have a DD not far off your age and she still gets ID'd. People think she is much much younger.

How to look good at 35? Same as looking good at the decrepit age of 44 like I am now. Sense of style, big smile. Confidence in your age, experience and self worth. That’s how you look good at 35.

This is how you do it - best advice on this thread.

Just be healthy!

Keep healthy, keep active and enjoy yourself.

Hopefully, you still have another 50+ years to go, so make the most of them. Don't waste your life on trying to please men, they will not appreciate the time and effort.

35 is young!

It is sad that women are made to feel past it at such a young age.

Whatever hangups you have will still be there later in life and believe me, it gets harder.

I wish you could see how young 35 is, I felt in my prime then. When you are late 40s like me you will realise how young you are, just as my mother, 74, says I'm young. It's relative!

However, it won't help how you are feeling now.

I had grey at 19 and from 30 have had a regular dye and highlights. Grey doesn't suit me.

Skincare - didn't have a routine til 46 but it is making a huge difference

Sleep - make sure you get enough, and water.

Mental attitude - be young in spirit. Remind yourself that you are only 35!!!!

I'm almost 52 and have no lines but it must be down to good genes. I've lived as in used to smoke and still drink but not regularly. Only started using moisturiser 2 years ago.

I do drink a fair bit of water and love veg and fruits. I eat a very varied diet and take some vitamin supplements.

My mother died in her 80s and was still attractive with a good body. Plus dad's side look and looked young.

Good luck OP. I hope some of these tips previous posters help. You shouldn't feel like this at such a young age. But others are right attractiveness does come from within.