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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBI to of asked my DH for help at 2am?

218 replies

Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:04

Dd10months has been ill with a cough for ages. Wakes up about an hour ago and is coughing until she brings up loads of muccusy vomit all over the both of us.

I go into our room and wake DH up, whose was out till 12:30 and ask him to clean the baby up while I sort myself out. Took me ages to get him to wake up then he just lies there while I’ve got hold of the baby whose is now much recovered and trying to play with her sick.

Then he gestures for me to just pas the baby to him in bed, I didn’t want sick all over the bed and I wanted him to actually be cleaning the baby. Starts going on about my attitude, there’s no point going to bed, ffs etc

Finally gets him to sit up and he just sits there with the baby. So tell him again to start cleaning up the baby, more stuff about me from him.

Basically by the time he actually starts cleaning her up I’ve changed pjs and washed all the sick off me.

AIBI for expecting him to get up and start cleaning up the baby while I sort myself out or should I just of let him sleep and sorted us both out?

OP posts:
LangSpartacusCleg · 22/02/2020 03:08

YANBU

Parenting is not limited to mothering.

atomicblonde30 · 22/02/2020 03:11

YANBU. This is what you have to do when you make the decision to have kids! It’s annoying sure who likes being woken in the night to clean up sick but he knew this was part of the territory, he is being very unreasonable in saying nasty things about you especially if front of your child. I would be very upset and cross about that.

Zaza1414 · 22/02/2020 03:13

Sorry, I'm a single mum..my son had sickness and diarrhoea tonight, all over me (both ends!). I got on and cleaned us both. Your husband was out this evening possibly drinking? Even if he wasn't, it is okay to sort yourself and child!!

Toomanygerbils · 22/02/2020 03:13

I would say yes, but other factors in play. Is he working a lot of hours and has to get up early?

Original poster
Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:17

I get that if I was a single parent or he wasn’t in I’d have to sort us both out but surely if he’s in he should help? I’d expect him to wake me up if the shoe was on the other foot.

I’m still on mat leave, he’s been working him normal hours and is off tomorrow. It’s his turn to sleep in tomorrow (we each get a lie in one day of the weekend).

OP posts:
SharpieInThe · 22/02/2020 03:19

Bugger his attitude. I'm up with baby while DH deals with pre-schooler. Having children means getting up in the night.

chrestomamci · 22/02/2020 03:19

I would (and have) just sorted us both out especially with a 10 month old but not YANBU to expect your DH to help if that's what you needed

My DH goes out sometimes until but fully accepts that as a parent he still has responsibilities to the kids so always hers up to help if needed with our 3

SharpieInThe · 22/02/2020 03:20

@Zaza1414 I've had a drink, had some wine before bed, doesn't mean I'd ignore my sick kids.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/02/2020 03:23

I'd have let him sleep. And he'd have let me sleep. You're an adult - you're capable of clearing both of you up.

Dieu · 22/02/2020 03:26

I would have sorted it out myself.

Disneygeek30 · 22/02/2020 03:30

I’d have probably just dealt with us both to be honest, I’m always a bit don’t see the point of everyone being awake but if you felt you couldn’t manage then no not unreasonable to wake him at all.
Had he been out drinking though? If he had then I wouldn’t have woken him for that reason alone.
I had a rare night out last weekend, drank a bit too much Prosecco and DD woke at 3am really upset DH dealt with her but had to go downstairs to get some milk so I went into her room and just sat with her her rubber her back to try and calm her. I didn’t want to pick her up since I’d had too much to drink.

Toomanygerbils · 22/02/2020 03:30

If you wake him will you be able to sleep knowing your child is ill? Or are you just wanting company while you both stay awake? You have said he works, let him sleep while he can, he’s paying the bills and you are doing a great job, but you aren’t earning. That is important to your child as well

SnowyRacoon · 22/02/2020 03:31

No if he has been drinking, it's unsafe.

noloh1 · 22/02/2020 03:33

I think YAB a bit U. He hasn’t been in long from a night out and a sicky baby doesn’t really need two people. Unless there is a backstory of him being useless and inconsiderate, I would’ve let him enjoy a night off.

HoppingPavlova · 22/02/2020 03:36

I would have just cracked on and done it all myself without waking him. Also, if DH had of been up and I had if been in bed asleep for whatever reason my clear expectation would have been that he also cracked on and did it himself without waking me.

BillHadersNewWife · 22/02/2020 03:37

Why did he get in after midnight? Had he been drinking or working?

If he's been drinking YABU to give the baby to him. If he's been working, YABU again.

Original poster
Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:48

He’d just been the pub to watch a local band play.

@Toomanygerbils I just wanted him to start cleaning the baby up while I cleaned myself up then I took over and he went back to bed. If it wasn’t for all the arguing trying to get him to help he’d of been up for 5-10 mins

OP posts:
TwinMumSuperHero · 22/02/2020 03:48

Absolutely I'd wake him up, definitely if I had to clean myself up as well. (if he had been out working until 12.30 then I'd only wake him up if I really needed to but I'd still wake him)

Original poster
Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:49

I’m out tomorrow night. If the same thing had happened 24 hours later I’d expect him to of woken me up to help

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 22/02/2020 03:53

Sorry I think you are being precious. I would have let him sleep and then in the morning asked him to help with the baby while you slept in rather than have two people wake up in the middle of the night and disrupt both people’s sleep. I think you might be in for a bumping ride if this is your approach. Sounds more like you were annoyed he was out until late and wanted to punish him.

Original poster
Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:59

@ittakes2 I would consider 12:30 a late night. I’m out tomorrow night myself so not bothered about him being out. I don’t need help in the morning. I need help when the 2 of us were covered in vomit.

OP posts:
Discoballs · 22/02/2020 04:04

Depends on context. My DH seldom gets the chance to go out so if he'd had a night out and then was to have a lie in I'd leave him in peace unless I was desperate. And expect the same courtesy from him tomorrow in return. Only 5 mins awake, but then it can take a while to get back to sleep. If he's out all the time it's different I think.

Original poster
Amys136 · 22/02/2020 04:09

He’s normally out about once every 2 weeks. Was out 2 weeks ago Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday day. We take turns doing pretty 10pm wake ups then 6 days a week I do all the post 10om wake ups. This week 3 nights she’s been up 8+ times because of her coughing

I suppose the unreasonableness depends on if you’d expect your partner to wake you up in the same circumstances.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 22/02/2020 04:10

I am sorry but I don’t see how it’s complicated to change a 10 month old baby covered in vomit and why two adults are needed to get involved in the middle of the night. You can of course disagree but you did ask other people’s opinions. I have twins - they often are vomiting at the same time.

icklekid · 22/02/2020 04:12

I’d expect dh to help but I would have to tell him this so wake him and say ds has been sick in us both. I’m going to clean myself up please can you do ds. I wouldn’t expect him to know. If I passed him ds I wouldn’t be surprised if he just sat there thinking he was being helpful. Everything always feels worse when your tired and it’s the middle of the night. Maybe talk about it in the morning...?