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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBI to of asked my DH for help at 2am?

218 replies

Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:04

Dd10months has been ill with a cough for ages. Wakes up about an hour ago and is coughing until she brings up loads of muccusy vomit all over the both of us.

I go into our room and wake DH up, whose was out till 12:30 and ask him to clean the baby up while I sort myself out. Took me ages to get him to wake up then he just lies there while I’ve got hold of the baby whose is now much recovered and trying to play with her sick.

Then he gestures for me to just pas the baby to him in bed, I didn’t want sick all over the bed and I wanted him to actually be cleaning the baby. Starts going on about my attitude, there’s no point going to bed, ffs etc

Finally gets him to sit up and he just sits there with the baby. So tell him again to start cleaning up the baby, more stuff about me from him.

Basically by the time he actually starts cleaning her up I’ve changed pjs and washed all the sick off me.

AIBI for expecting him to get up and start cleaning up the baby while I sort myself out or should I just of let him sleep and sorted us both out?

OP posts:
Itsonlywords · 22/02/2020 06:36

Ah the old you're on maternity leave and brave man goes to work argument. OP if you wanted help it's not unreasonable to ask the other parent to assist. I bet it it was him he would.

Swimornoswim15 · 22/02/2020 06:38

Ofcourse you are not unreasonable. I've got friends with partners like this. But I've also got friends who's partners help. My partner would naturally leap out of bed if one of the kids is ill. Infact he takes them downstairs to watch tele if they are really not settled when having a bad poorly night. Also many a time we have stood together at 2am bathing a child with a sick bug. One side f us stripoing the bed whilst the other baths the child.

Nobody enjoys this part of parenting but it should be a team effort.

I also can't stand the dad's who work so come home and go on the Xbox to relax everyday.... My friend has a partner like this. He won't do anything to help with the kids. He moans if she asks him to put one of the three to bed!

Frenchw1fe · 22/02/2020 06:40

Totally agree if dc had been sick on your dh he would have woken you for help.
I would be making him sort the sicky washing out this morning.

JudyCoolibar · 22/02/2020 06:41

Never post on MN in the middle of the night, it seems to attract people who want to be contrary for the sake of it, even when it means that their responses are just ludicrous - as this thread demonstrates.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 22/02/2020 06:41

Jesus Christ, do people really live like this?

Me - "Oi, I'm covered in boak could you clean up the wee exorcist while I put on some clean pajamas?"

DH - (after a bit of shaking to wake up) Alright, c'mer you."

It would take less than 20 minutes out of his night's sleep and he wouldn't begrudge us that.

There really are some miserable martyrs on MN.

Shoxfordian · 22/02/2020 06:41

I would probably have dealt with it myself as well but you did nothing wrong. How supportive has he been generally?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/02/2020 06:44

Yes, sitting there with a sick-covered baby he’s not cleaning while he ‘starts going on about my attitude’ is lovely polite respectful behaviour.

What I said was that we don't know if he was retaliating to her shitty attitude - based on the words she used I'd imagine he was

Bringringbring · 22/02/2020 06:44

Oh come on. Your DH had been asleep for a couple of hours at most. And you honestly expect him to jump up and immediately be on form to take baby. Cut him some slack.

If he goes out loads and always late back - then yes, wake him and expect help.

If it’s an infrequent occurrence then YABVU. More than that - you’re being spiteful. It’s absolutely possible to clean yourself up with a ten month old without calling in support.

Bringringbring · 22/02/2020 06:47

Just curious
You say that the illness has been going on for ages. How have you coped when DH has been at work?

slashlover · 22/02/2020 06:51

Pretty sure that if someone had posted that she was fast asleep after a night out and her DH had woken her to deal with the baby then there would be lads of replies of "Why can't he cope with the baby?" and "Is he always this useless?"

Rowgtfc72 · 22/02/2020 06:53

We used to take it in turns for sicky cleanups. Only time we both sorted dd was when it was pouring out both ends, but then we both had it too.
However, I could have asked dh for help without complaint, and he likewise could have asked me.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 22/02/2020 06:54

Possible if totally necessary.

Unless I was unwell I would want DH to wake me up if he and DC were covered in vomit.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/02/2020 06:55

Zaza - you're a single mum. You don't have the option but to sort out your child.

OP has a partner, who contributed 50% towards that baby. It is nOT unreasonable to expect that partner to step up to the plate and shift his lazy arse to get the baby comfortable while OP gets herself changed and washed.

It's nt thatch can't do it herself - it's that it's quicker and easier if two people are involved.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/02/2020 06:55

Whoops - millions of typos - sorry

MrsJonesAndMe · 22/02/2020 07:08

It's all hands on deck here if vomit is involved. One deals with the child, one deals with bedding. If it was a case of no bedding but a child and an adult covered, yes we'd still split the job.

Doggybiccys · 22/02/2020 07:13

If he normally shares the load and this is unusual YABU.

If he goes out a lot and neglects his duties frequently YANBU.

HotGlueGun · 22/02/2020 07:22

YANBU... I wake my DH in the night if our baby is sick and he helps willingly. I totally get why you would be annoyed. Maybe some of these pp have never been sleep deprived and covered in cold sick at 2am in the morning? But when your PJs are sticking to you and all you can smell is sick/ sour milk then absolutely you need to get them off quick. It's perfectly reasonable to expect help in that situation. I hope your little girl is feeling better now and that your DH has apologised to you.

Amatteroftime · 22/02/2020 07:23

I put YANBU but have changed my mind. If he was at work you'd have found a way to sort it.

TryingToBeBold · 22/02/2020 07:25

I'd say 99.9% of the time I've just gone on and dealt with this situation myself
But occasionally help is needed and my DP has done this.

Firstly noone is at their best being woken 2 hours after falling asleep
I'm guessing you said your fair share back to him so maybe not a one sided arguement
And secondly.. I'm guessing this isnt the first "puke on mum and myself" incident.. with the others being during the day.. so lets face it, you could have deal with it yourself.

Yes DP should have helped if asked. But you didnt really need to ask..

TryingToBeBold · 22/02/2020 07:26

@Amatteroftime

I put YANBU but have changed my mind. If he was at work you'd have found a way to sort it..

What I was trying to say but more to the point Grin

ThatsWotSheSaid · 22/02/2020 07:27

Is he normally resistant to doing his share? If not I’d be tempted to put it down to him being in on a sleepy fog. I can be fowl if I’m woken up.

mrscold · 22/02/2020 07:31

Agree with this

Sorry, I'm a single mum..my son had sickness and diarrhoea tonight, all over me (both ends!). I got on and cleaned us both. Your husband was out this evening possibly drinking? Even if he wasn't, it is okay to sort yourself and child!!

Of course it's his child too, but he had been up til 12.30, you could have dealt with it yourself. I'd say exactly the same the other way around. If you had been up late and he got up with the baby being sick id say surely he can cope on his own?!

gingersausage · 22/02/2020 07:32

Exactly @slashlover, that was my first thought. Honestly, can you imagine if a man didn’t know “where to put” a sicky baby while he cleaned himself up? After 10 months with said baby? He’d get torn to shreds - and rightly so. If my husband had woken me up in the middle of the night to deal with a puke covered baby I’d have (figuratively) thrown something at him. It’s very different if you both happen to be awake anyway.

Dontdisturbmenow · 22/02/2020 07:33

It would never have even cross my mind to wake my OH in that situation and even less to have such an attitude about it afterwards. I feel sorry for your OH.

What I would have done is sort it out myself, and in the morning, explain the night I'd had and asked that he looked after her in the afternoon so I could have a nap and get up the following night if she woke up again (and I'd looked after her on my own Sunday morning or afternoon so he could catch up with his sleep).

Bringringbring · 22/02/2020 07:35

Single parent here.

I read these threads and really - makes me feel genuinely pleased and positive about my situation. So hissed arguments are 3am, no starting threads about unreasonable partner.

Your 10 month baby vomits on you, you being up cbbc on your phone, plop them on the bathroom floor, clean yourself up (5 minutes?), fresh PJs on. Sorted.