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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBI to of asked my DH for help at 2am?

218 replies

Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:04

Dd10months has been ill with a cough for ages. Wakes up about an hour ago and is coughing until she brings up loads of muccusy vomit all over the both of us.

I go into our room and wake DH up, whose was out till 12:30 and ask him to clean the baby up while I sort myself out. Took me ages to get him to wake up then he just lies there while I’ve got hold of the baby whose is now much recovered and trying to play with her sick.

Then he gestures for me to just pas the baby to him in bed, I didn’t want sick all over the bed and I wanted him to actually be cleaning the baby. Starts going on about my attitude, there’s no point going to bed, ffs etc

Finally gets him to sit up and he just sits there with the baby. So tell him again to start cleaning up the baby, more stuff about me from him.

Basically by the time he actually starts cleaning her up I’ve changed pjs and washed all the sick off me.

AIBI for expecting him to get up and start cleaning up the baby while I sort myself out or should I just of let him sleep and sorted us both out?

OP posts:
Whatsername177 · 22/02/2020 15:56

Single parents have no choice but to do it by themselves. Why should people who do have a partner have to struggle when they do have a choice? It comes back to the patriarchal idea that getting up and tending to the baby is 'womens work'. The baby has two parents, one of whom is covered in vomit. The other parent needs to get up and help, not because vomit covered parent can't do it alone, but because they shouldn't have to when there is an easy alternative that makes their life easier and ensures their baby is comforted faster.

recordbox · 22/02/2020 16:10

He had been out drinking until 12:30am and you woke him up at 2 ish ? No way would I be handing him a baby after just over an hours sleep and alcohol on board. I would have zero qualms about getting him to help sort the sick clothes and covers while you changed baby though.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 22/02/2020 16:15

I wouldnt wake dh if ds was covered in sick,no point us both being awake at 2am

Newbie1999 · 22/02/2020 16:53

To be honest I’d have just done it. If I’d been out drinking and my husband woke me up in this situation, I’d be annoyed.

redwinefine · 23/02/2020 17:06

YABU - you're already up. Why should both of you be awake? And yes, I have experienced this - mat leave and husband working. Also, when you tell him the next morning, you can get credit!

Poppinjay · 25/02/2020 01:08

Also, when you tell him the next morning, you can get credit!

WTF? Who needs to earn gold stars from their OH? Parenting is meant to be a partnership. You support the other when they feel they need it.

I've never felt the need to struggle through something my DH could easily help out with in order to earn credit from him Confused

whiplashy · 25/02/2020 04:26

no need for 2 adults to sort this out. you sound like a bit of a martyr

squaky · 25/02/2020 04:43

he’s paying the bills and you are doing a great job, but you aren’t earning

The stupidest fucking thing I have ever read on here, ever.

redwinefine · 25/02/2020 20:47

Me! I need to earn gold stars so when I ask for a lift for a girls' night out he's more likely to say yes. I didn't say it wasn't a partnership.

Poppinjay · 26/02/2020 11:24

I need to earn gold stars so when I ask for a lift for a girls' night out he's more likely to say yes.

#lost cause

I give up Hmm

AryaStarkWolf · 26/02/2020 11:26

I need to earn gold stars so when I ask for a lift for a girls' night out he's more likely to say yes.

He would say no otherwise?

Daftodil · 26/02/2020 11:46

OP, YANBU.

I'm a single mum and have had to deal with sick everywhere in the middle of the night, but if I had had someone else in the house with me then damn right I would be asking for help. It's quicker and easier for two pairs of hands to sort than to do it by yourself. Why is it just your responsibility?! Why did he need to be asked to clean her up? Surely he could've seen/smelt/felt the sick and instinctively thought "I'd better clean her up" or at the very least thought "I don't want sick all over my bed"! Ignore the martyrs who say they do this 10 times a night, blindfolded, standing on their heads with one arm tied behind their backs. Just because some people struggle on, doesn't mean you have to. You needed help and it should've been readily forthcoming from your DH.

aSofaNearYou · 26/02/2020 12:03

I would have woken him up too. Not under normal circumstances but if the baby has been sick everywhere, it would be important it was sorted quickly or there would be very little chance of her going back to sleep. Better to both be up for 10 minutes than one of us be up all night.

Me and my DP also alternate night shifts but when one of us gets up in the night, that's the person that gets to sleep in in the morning to compensate. Is it not a bit strange to do it the other way around?

redwinefine · 26/02/2020 12:50

We live in the middle of nowhere so it's a right faff - plus about £25 for a taxi - especially with a baby in the car in the middle of the night

redwinefine · 26/02/2020 12:50

*#lost cause

I give up hmm*

You mean you don't have a star chart with your husband??

peachgreen · 26/02/2020 12:54

What ridiculous responses. Of course you weren't being unreasonable. I guarantee he would have woken you if the situation was reversed.

frazzledasarock · 26/02/2020 13:01

You poor thing. I’ve had this, it’s the time of year for it.

And YANBU. I wake DP and he changed sheets and I do baby, and I don’t care if he’s been at work all night or out or whatever, it’s one of those things that needs to be done and it’s easier when you take a job each.

And yes I’ve been the single parent and dealt with it. However given the choice and I don’t have to do it by myself, I absolutely get the other person who made the child with me to pitch in and get everyone sorted and back to bed as quickly as possible.

Maybe discuss with your H his inability to parent when he’s been out. Perhaps he needs to not go out if he’s unable to function as a parent.

Maryann1975 · 26/02/2020 13:11

When my 3 were younger, dh was always away with the military. You could guarantee that during his first week away the dc would get some kind of vomiting bug and I’d have to deal with it on my own. Anyone who has ever dealt with a child covered in sick while also covered in sick themselves knows that it’s a far easier situation to manage if you have someone else to help.

Of course your dh should have woken up and come to help you. Never mind that he is tired. Who isn’t tired being woken up in the middle of the night. It’s no ones first choice of things to do is it, parents just have to get on with it.

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