AIBI to of asked my DH for help at 2am?

[Amys136]

Dd10months has been ill with a cough for ages. Wakes up about an hour ago and is coughing until she brings up loads of muccusy vomit all over the both of us.

I go into our room and wake DH up, whose was out till 12:30 and ask him to clean the baby up while I sort myself out. Took me ages to get him to wake up then he just lies there while I’ve got hold of the baby whose is now much recovered and trying to play with her sick.

Then he gestures for me to just pas the baby to him in bed, I didn’t want sick all over the bed and I wanted him to actually be cleaning the baby. Starts going on about my attitude, there’s no point going to bed, ffs etc

Finally gets him to sit up and he just sits there with the baby. So tell him again to start cleaning up the baby, more stuff about me from him.

Basically by the time he actually starts cleaning her up I’ve changed pjs and washed all the sick off me.

AIBI for expecting him to get up and start cleaning up the baby while I sort myself out or should I just of let him sleep and sorted us both out?

We always wake each other for vomit situations, it gets bloody everywhere otherwise

If my 3month old DD has a particularly large vom/poo episode in the night that covers us both I'll occasionally tap DH to at least take her whilst I get changed - mostly so he can sit her upright in the event of more vom. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, even if he had only been home a few hours - what if he got home at 7pm and this had happened at 10pm? Do people expect you not to ask for help then even if he were t asleep? Absolutely not. 5-10 mins is nothing, he's barely have woke so easy to drift back off.

I normally did night wakings pretty much in the entirety. Partially because I breastfed and that was by far the easiest thing to do, and partially because I was sahp and so could usually at least rest for part of the day. I often claimed Saturday afternoon to sleep too.

However sickness was one of the times when I would wake dh. So I would agree it was a time to wake him.
What I'd normally do though is wash and change the baby, then wake dh to cuddle while I changed the bed. All the baby wants at that point is cuddles, so that works best.
Sometimes they wanted more feed, in which case he'd do the changing of bed while I fed.

I’m a single parent, but in this situation I would have loved to have another adult around, so I don’t think YABU. Yes, I would have managed, but a rolling, thrashing baby can create a lot of extra mess.

I don’t even take DD swimming unless one of my relatives is free to meet us afterwards to help out. I shower us both and then they dry and change DD while I dress myself. Trying to see to us both didn’t work well. I remember DD rolling off her changing mat into a puddle.

What a twat!

Surely when two people have sick on them the idea is to get it off both of them asap?

I don’t even take DD swimming unless one of my relatives is free to meet us afterwards to help out. I shower us both and then they dry and change DD while I dress myself. Trying to see to us both didn’t work well. I remember DD rolling off her changing mat into a puddle.

Not wanting to go off topic but I get round this by getting a shower or bath at home it makes things so much easier! I remember the first time I took my two children swimming on my own I was worrying the full time how am I doing to manage to shower us all and in the end I just got us all dressed and we went home for a bath.

Exactly @slashlover, that was my first thought. Honestly, can you imagine if a man didn’t know “where to put” a sicky baby while he cleaned himself up? After 10 months with said baby? He’d get torn to shreds - and rightly so. If my husband had woken me up in the middle of the night to deal with a puke covered baby I’d have (figuratively) thrown something at him. It’s very different if you both happen to be awake anyway

Agree with this. I don’t wake him and I wouldn’t expect him to wake me either in this situation.

I'd have woken my husband. Wouldn't have given it a second thought- and he'd have just helped me no questions. In fact normally in those situations I sort the baby/child out while he strips and changes the bed sheets and mops sick off the carpet.

I don’t even take DD swimming unless one of my relatives is free to meet us afterwards to help out. I shower us both and then they dry and change DD while I dress myself. Trying to see to us both didn’t work well. I remember DD rolling off her changing mat into a puddle.

What I found worked really well for swimming was towelling dressing gowns. We'd come out of the water, and I'd strip their swimming stuff off and pop them in the dressing gown. I'd then get dressed very quickly, and then properly dress them.
They were warm enough in the dressing gown for a few minutes, and then I didn't drip over them as I dressed them.

Vomit = all hands on deck in my opinion.
I would absolutely expect my DH to wake me up and start cleaning the baby if the baby had vomited on him and he needed to clean up too

I am a single mum too and getting mightlily hissed off with the comments from other martyrs SMs. So what if we have to do it ourselves? It is like comparing day and night. She has a partner who should have helped and was being an arse. We dont. She wasnt asking if we would like an unhelpful partner.

What we also dont have is a twonk telling us our attitude is bad etc. I know which situation I prefer (after living with a twonk for 20 years)

You asked for help, he should have helped.

My baby did this once, lying next to me in bed, threw up over my head/face, all over bedding and him. I managed it all myself never even occurred for me to ask for help mainly because I just got on with it, there was so much mess seemed daft someone else getting covered or being exposed to so much gross mess!!!!! It was so gross I almost found it comical!!!

This sort of nonsense, point scoring created resentment which in turn wrecks marriages

No what creates resentment in many marriages is the assumption that The Man must be prioiritised and must not be expected to take responsibility for his own children.

What is it with these utterly useless, selfish, self-centred excuses for men that women seem to be tolerating these days?!

My DH was never this bad. He'd moan a bit, but so would I.

WTF?! Is it women enabling them, their mummies coddling them, what??? They are worse than ever.

YANBU @Amys136 and you have my sympathy!

I don’t even take DD swimming unless one of my relatives is free to meet us afterwards to help out. I shower us both and then they dry and change DD while I dress myself. Trying to see to us both didn’t work well.

This does puzzle me, did this with two under 5's tricky, yes but no probs I actually found it more stressful when hubby came once and tried to help. I actually found this stuff easier to do on my own. I don't think it's being a martyr either I think people are more resourceful than they actually realise. It's a trait I love to see in people. I think there's a fine line between really needing help and just asking because it's there and easy. The first I would give at the drop of a hat the second does begin to grate a bit.

YANBU You and the baby need to get clean, baby needs cuddles, the bed needs changing. Much easier and quicker for both of you to work as a team. My DH always did the bed changing as at that point the poorly baby generally wanted me, but he’d also take the freshly washed baby from me so I could shower unimpeded (remove sick from hair etc, not envy) and provide cuddles until I was clean.

@guiltynetter hear hear! The OP is not a single mum and shouldn't have to act as one just because someone else IS doing it alone.
My DH will always get up and help. Why struggle alone when two can deal with it much quicker and we all can get back to bed sooner?!
I breastfed our babies and with the last one I noticed DH had put the Moses basket on his side of the bed. I asked him why and he said, "Well, so you can get yourself ready to feed him and I can pass him to you." He also mentioned that it'd be easier if it was just a nappy change our baby needed. I'd run and get a nappy or fresh sleep suit if required and DH would start cleaning baby up or vice versa.

Our children don't call for just me when they're ill. BOTH parents are there for them, even though I'm a SAHM and DH works. As long as he's not up for a 5:30am shift I'll try and do it myself but if it's bad enough to definitely need two of us he doesn't think twice about helping out. He's up straight away.

OP, just because other people settle for less it doesn't mean I'm you should. I agree that 'Parenting is not just mothering'.
Just remember, these women might be the type to say their DH's "babysit" their kids or they actually fucking thank their DHs for watching the kids while they run an errand.

I can understand that he could be grumpy about being woken up after so little sleep, i would be, but i wouldn't be angry at my DH if he woke me up because he needed help with our child for any reason. And i know from experience that he would be the same if I woke him up to help with such a situation, we're in this together.

YANBU. after several vomiting all night episodes, we've got this down pat. Toddler vomits in bed then cries and wakes us up. I hold him while he vomits more - usually down my back Husband changes the sheets and cleans the bed while this is going on. When the episode finishes, we clean up the toddler, then husband puts him back in bed clean while I have a shower. Rinse and repeat. Literally.

I'd love to say we share the vomiting child, but when he's sick he only wants cuddles from me.

Parenting - if you have two parents - is a joint effort.

Oh DH had been out I’d have sorted it myself and left him to sleep.
But I know he’d do exactly the same for me if it was the other way round.

I think he should help but in all honesty my partner never did. I never bothered to wake him up as he would of reacted like your partner so I just get on with things myself.

YANBU to ask for help. However, your DH had only been asleep for about an hour when you woke him up. So it’s not unreasonable either that he was next to no help due to exhaustion. Yes, he would have been more helpful if he had not been out, but evidently you both agreed to him going out even though you had a sick baby at home.

Have you taken the baby to a Dr? Nighttime coughing at 10mos to the point of vomiting is a symptom of asthma.

I would have sorted it out myself but then so would dh if it had been the other way round.

I always wake DH up for vomit situations. And he wouldn't even dream of complaining. Your husband sounds like an arse.