AIBI to of asked my DH for help at 2am?

[Amys136]

Dd10months has been ill with a cough for ages. Wakes up about an hour ago and is coughing until she brings up loads of muccusy vomit all over the both of us.

I go into our room and wake DH up, whose was out till 12:30 and ask him to clean the baby up while I sort myself out. Took me ages to get him to wake up then he just lies there while I’ve got hold of the baby whose is now much recovered and trying to play with her sick.

Then he gestures for me to just pas the baby to him in bed, I didn’t want sick all over the bed and I wanted him to actually be cleaning the baby. Starts going on about my attitude, there’s no point going to bed, ffs etc

Finally gets him to sit up and he just sits there with the baby. So tell him again to start cleaning up the baby, more stuff about me from him.

Basically by the time he actually starts cleaning her up I’ve changed pjs and washed all the sick off me.

AIBI for expecting him to get up and start cleaning up the baby while I sort myself out or should I just of let him sleep and sorted us both out?

Yanbu!!

He is her parent too, and he should get himself up to help in a situation like that.

Yes single parents have to do it themselves, but when there is another pair of hands, they should be helping too!!

YANBU.

I’ve dealt with various night time explosions by myself and on occasion I just feel like I need some help, have another parent in the house and choose to utilise that. Just because you can deal with it alone doesn’t mean you have to. Generally the aim is to get everyone settled as quickly as possible and it’s obvious that’s quicker with two parents mucking in.

Being a parent means you’re going to be disturbed at awkward times and you do it because that’s what being a responsible adult is.

OP wasn’t waking him up for shits and giggles or to pass the buck, she wanted practical help in the middle of the night so two of the three people in their household could get back to sleep. It’d be an incredibly selfish person to refuse to help because generally a partner should care about his wife and child’s needs.

Think they left the gate open at the cunt farm tonight OP.

Indeed so, especially the posts about how it was unreasonable because he'd been working. Fucking ridiculous.

YABU
You could have sorted both out as he was only just in a couple of hours. If you went out I’d expect him to do the same

I wouldn’t have bothered to get dh involved. He wouldn’t have woken me either in the same circumstances. This sort of thing did happen when our three were little ones and if anything, dh was the lighter sleeper and ended up dealing with night time sick more than I did. He didn’t insist on me getting up to help.

So no, I wouldn’t have woken him up. Not because I’m a martyr but because I wouldn’t see the need in both of us having disturbed sleep, knowing he would have afforded me the same approach.

I think it's fine to either wake him or let him sleep depending on what you need at the time.

When we have sick kids it's a two-man team. I take the child (and myself if needed!) and DH cleans the bed/bedroom and gets the washing machine on. It is really helpful to know that there'll be clean beds to return to by the time you're done showering two people and getting them redressed in the middle of the night.

If you're happy to do it alone then great. If you want your partner to help, there shouldn't be any complaints IMO. Same as any other time I ask him for help or he asks me for help.

Being puked on is gross. It is ok to ask for help. He was being a bit unreasonable about being grumpy, but then again waking up after 2 hours is hard. Just keep swimming!

I think many people on this one need to think about that BE KIND thing going around last week.

YANBU. I did most of the overnight clean-ups with my two, but when there was a particularly messy one, I woke up DH to help.

Yes you were unreasonable, he was asleep and you weren't, just get on with it, you said you took ages waking him up, so were happy to keep baby covered in vomit whilst you did that, so why not have used that time cleaning her up ??

I'm a single parent also and have had to deal with a vomit covered child on my own a hundred times. A few weeks ago my 2 year old covered her full bed in sick, I was covered, my bed was covered, she was covered. My mum who lives round the corner came round and helped me to get cleaned up while I gave the toddler a bath. Your husband was there and able to help so of course he should have helped. You're not a single parent so the single parent argument doesn't apply here. Most of the times my children have been sick it's been a case of change the bed and a quick wipe down. Other times it's a struggle and we all need help sometimes.

Think you just need a conversation about expectations when either have been out the night before.

In the time it took him to come to you could have had baby cleaned up and washed and changed yourself.

I've been a single parent for 8 years, and the way some people on here expect mothers in a relationship to do everything single handed as if the other parent does not exist is bizarre. Why the hell should OP have to deal with a sick explosion alone in the night when she is NOT a single parent??

The 'single parents manage' line is appropriate when the OP is being a bit wet about their partner being away for a night or two, it's not meant to mean a mother should parent alone within a relationship all the time, IMO.

I'd've sorted it it all out myself, let him sleep and told him what happened next day. No point in two of you having a broken night. Is there more to this? If not I wish you luck for the future.

YANBU. A sick child is a four-hander whenever it happens. Having children often involves broken nights. You aren't a single mother so shouldn't expect to have to cope like one. Your child has two parents 24/7.

YANBU.

Fact is OP, you felt you needed help just for a few minutes and asked for that help. If ever you need help from the father of your child for anything to do with said child, you should not be made to feel bad for that.

Yes he had been asleep for only a few hours but how many hours sleep did you get OP? He went out and stayed out that long when he knew he had a ill child at home. Says a lot tbh.

Just because he works while you are on ML, means fuck all. You don't get to stop being a father just because you work.

Sorry but in my eyes he is not a good person. No good person would moan about being asked to help with a sick child. Yes even if he was pissed off, he should have helped and then had a little moan to himself or on Mumsnet!

If a woman posted on here and said.... "AIBU? My DH just woke me up after a night out to help with our ill child for 5min, he wanted me to clean baby up (while he cleaned himself up and changed out of sicky clothes) then I could go back to sleep. However I feel he is a selfish arsehole because I have been to work all week, been to see a band I wanted to see tonight and slept for two hours. All while he has had next to no sleep and dealt with ill child all day on his own. I sat there bitching at him about waking me up and he got pissy with me!" ..... She would get her arse handed to her.

I would not have insisted dh get out of bed and help, he would have done it willingly and I would for him too.

Of course I could deal with it myself if I had too, but there is another able bodied parent there to help out, why not? He sorts baby out, you get cleaned up, both of you get back to bed sooner.

You clean up your dd and pop her in her cot then clean yourself up. Simple really.

Whoever was on duty that night (we swap which side of the bed the monitor lives on a weekly basis) would always wake the other one if there is vomit.

Two people can get sheet/pyjamas/sleeping bad changed and baby resettled much quicker than one and neither of us would ever resent being woken to help with that.

I've been in similar situations many times, and TBH I would have just cleaned up baby and myself without waking DH.

I wouldn’t have woken my DH up to help me for what you say yourself would have been 5-10 minutes. I’d have let him sleep and have had a nice evening to himself. I personally would have found it less faff to sort both out than disturb a sleeping person.

I'm a single parent too and I'd have got on with it. Two outfit changes is nothing, doesn't need too adults.

I mean didn't waking him up and asking him to help just cause you more stress?

Being a single parent is hard work but it's nothing like trying to get a man to help who doesn't want to and getting a gob full of abuse.

Also (if possible) - he should have got up with the baby the next morning and let you sleep in. That way it works out fair.

The people saying that they would sort it all out themselves and let their OH sleep. I’m really shocked that you think your OH’s sleep is a priority over getting a sick and probably upset baby back to sleep as quickly as possible. It sounds like this wasn’t just a quick change of baby’s sleep suit and OP’s PJs, in which case it would hhe been unreasonable to wake her OH up as what advantage would he have given?

But it sounds like there was a mess everywhere, I remember those days well. Sick in child’s hair, night clothes all the way through to their skin, sick on all bedsheets and on bedroom carpet and down the side of the mattress and on the bars of the cot. Often they’re sick more than once so there’s some more on the bedrooom chair or something. That’s before you’ve even got to the mess on yourself. Baby is miserable, shivery and crying.

WTF would BOTH parents NOT want that baby clean and comfortable and back in a warm clean bed as quickly as possible? I mean, really! Come on! This whole “the man must not be disturbed from his post-evening out sleep, at all costs” is disturbing, when it’s a child’s wellbeing we’re talking about.

Some of you have your parenting bar set very low.

Of course he should help, she is his child too!