Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBI to of asked my DH for help at 2am?

218 replies

Amys136 · 22/02/2020 03:04

Dd10months has been ill with a cough for ages. Wakes up about an hour ago and is coughing until she brings up loads of muccusy vomit all over the both of us.

I go into our room and wake DH up, whose was out till 12:30 and ask him to clean the baby up while I sort myself out. Took me ages to get him to wake up then he just lies there while I’ve got hold of the baby whose is now much recovered and trying to play with her sick.

Then he gestures for me to just pas the baby to him in bed, I didn’t want sick all over the bed and I wanted him to actually be cleaning the baby. Starts going on about my attitude, there’s no point going to bed, ffs etc

Finally gets him to sit up and he just sits there with the baby. So tell him again to start cleaning up the baby, more stuff about me from him.

Basically by the time he actually starts cleaning her up I’ve changed pjs and washed all the sick off me.

AIBI for expecting him to get up and start cleaning up the baby while I sort myself out or should I just of let him sleep and sorted us both out?

OP posts:
poopbear · 22/02/2020 04:16

I’m on the fence here. If it’s his first night out in months and he’s normally a “good egg”. I’d have sorted it myself. If this is another in a long list of recent nights out and I’m left doing it all constantly then I’m going to wake him up. Is him checking out of the night stuff a theme?

OlaEliza · 22/02/2020 04:16

Waking him seems petty to me. Clean up DD, and clean yourself up once DD is settled again 🤷

Original poster
Amys136 · 22/02/2020 04:17

It was more that we were both covered. I’d just given her a bottle then there was all the mucus from her cough. I couldn’t think were to put her while I clean myself if I did me first that she wouldn’t get vomit everywhere and if I’d cleaned her first how I’d of picked her up if the change table and what I’d of done with her while I cleaned myself up.

Obviously now I could of cleaned her, put her in the cot then gone and sorted myself out. But half asleep, on not much sleep all week and panicking my brain went go ask the other parent to help.

2 hours later btw baby still hasn’t gone back asleep, husband is snoring

OP posts:
Lollypop82 · 22/02/2020 04:17

Good your husband is a total arse. You sound like you have had a terrible few days with a poorly child. Of course he should have helped you if you asked. Berating you while doing it, is simply not on. Hope you manage to get some sleep

guiltynetter · 22/02/2020 04:17

some of these replies are absolutely ridiculous, this always happens on mumsnet, there are parenting aliens on here! the poster who thinks you shouldn't ask for help because he's been drinking and it's unsafe Hmm it's unsafe to hold a baby for 10 minutes while the other parent is there and AWAKE?! the poster who thinks you shouldn't ask for help because they're a single parent Hmm

you are perfectly entitled to ask for a bit of help when your baby had thrown up all over you both. there are 2 parents there and it's easier with 2. gosh about 10 minutes ago I woke my DH up asking him to get me some calpol for the baby and he just did it! maybe he took so long j to get up because he'd only been sleep 2 hours. ya definitely nbu.

OvalCanvas · 22/02/2020 05:38

The op is not a single parent and it isn't her partner's first night out in months.

@Amys136 you have every right to expect parenting from him , whatever the hour.

If he is indeed getting too drunk to be responsible when there's a poorly baby in the house he's taking the absolute piss.

kateandme · 22/02/2020 05:41

im above 30.ive been suffering ide effect from a discable illness and its treatment.im with my parents and my mum and dad have been getting up in the night to mop me up.
tonight it was mums turn who hates not sleeping.she picked me up and took me downstairs where she sat stroking my head whilst the side effects worn off.she only went to bed because i begged her too and was vry reluctant.
parenting means parenting.any age,any time.

kateandme · 22/02/2020 05:45

one day if i survive this i want to repay them by wiping their asses when i no longer can.

kateandme · 22/02/2020 05:45

*they

BiblioX · 22/02/2020 05:56

The point isn’t how difficult the situation was, the point is that the other parent was in the house and you wanted help. I deal with pretty much all night issues of children as I am incredibly light sleeper and have insomnia anyway...yet I know that if I suddenly asked husband to help, or to take over, he would immediately and with a good attitude.

It’s not like your husband doesn’t have much time off or time going out or lie-ins! I think his attitude sucked.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/02/2020 05:57

Good your husband is a total arse. You sound like you have had a terrible few days with a poorly child.

It's a 10 month old with a cough. Not exactly the hardest thing to manage. She's on maternity leave with 0 income right now. If the baby was that poorly they can have days cuddled up not having to do much.
He's entitled to a night out after work - where he's been all week. She's got a night out tomorrow.
He'd been asleep for less than 2 hours and she woke him up for something she could've dealt with, but he's an arse?

Elmo230885 · 22/02/2020 05:57

When this has happened at our house we've both got up and just sorted it. Usually as the noise has woken the other up, but neither of us would go and deliberately wake the other up. Generally one of us cleans the child and ourselves if needed in the shower whilst the other changes the bedding. Means everyone gets back to sleep quicker and noone is mad at anyone else! If one of us is at work then the other usually spends the longer time settling the child.

Enchiladas · 22/02/2020 06:01

I wouldn't have woken my DH from a deep sleep to clean the baby when I was up anyway and could do it myself. I would be so pissed off if he woke me up at 2am to clean the baby.

QueenOfCatan · 22/02/2020 06:03

We've had the bug this week in this house. DH has been woken up to help me deal with it and happily did so without complaint. That's part of parenting FFS. In fact my 10mo just made a noise like she may vomit again and he's immediately grabbed the sick bowl and handed it to me without me saying a thing.

BossAssBitch · 22/02/2020 06:06

You were making a point, weren’t you, OP Hmm

You could have let him sleep, he was in late, he’s working FT, you are on ML! Selfish, precious behaviour. This sort of nonsense, point scoring created resentment which in turn wrecks marriages.

YABU

GoldenOmber · 22/02/2020 06:12

YANBU. You aren’t asking him to wake up and hold your hand while you change a nappy, you’re asking him to wake up and give you a hand while you clear up yourself and the sick-covered baby, where it’s helpful to have 2 parents rather than 1. He isn’t working tomorrow and he’d already been out while you looked after the baby. He’s being ridiculous to just lie there berating you rather than just pitching in and getting on with it.

It is depressing that so many people on here think he’s done his job by earning and therefore shouldn’t have to do any parenting and has the right to be rude to you.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/02/2020 06:14

he’s working FT, you are on ML!
So they're both working full time and op has a night shift too. He isn't in work tomorrow and he wasn't so exhausted by his work that he couldn't go out to see a band.

OP I'd have woke DH too. It's just quicker if everyone pitches in.

IceBearRocks · 22/02/2020 06:15

This is a regular ixcursnce in our house ....DS is disabled and has Mic-J and sometimes his stomach gets filled with fluid and he vomits.
I managed to change a bed, him and me. Sleep is precious in our house because we don't get very much at all!
Some nights he'll be the one doing it. I've just recovered from a serious back operation so for the last year hes been jumping out of bed for everything because I couldn't!
The rule in our house is that unless the child is so poorly that you are concerned about their health.....the other one sleeps ( we use the ambulance service lots as DS is pain in the bum !)
Just another view for you really...... not saying what you did is wrong .....but there are other ways about it! .....ps always clean baby before you !
I do hope you got some sleep.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/02/2020 06:16

It is depressing that so many people on here think he’s done his job by earning and therefore shouldn’t have to do any parenting and has the right to be rude to you.

Literally nobody has said that.
They have set days where one sleep and the other gets up. It was OPs turn to get up and she got him up too.

We don't know that he was rude to her and given what she admits she said to him, i could see how it could've been seen as PA and why it could've wound him up.

oliviastephen02 · 22/02/2020 06:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 22/02/2020 06:21

Think they left the gate open at the cunt farm tonight OP.
Because on almost every similar thread I've ever seen on here, even if the partner works 20 hour shifts doing brain surgery/Amazon packing/defusing bombs in Afghanistan he's supposed to come home and relieve his sahm wife of her duties.

Your baby was coughing and sick. You needed a hand. You asked her other parent to muck in. It's part of his job description.

Hope she's better soon.

GoldenOmber · 22/02/2020 06:22

We don't know that he was rude to her

Yes, sitting there with a sick-covered baby he’s not cleaning while he ‘starts going on about my attitude’ is lovely polite respectful behaviour.

He was an arse, and all the posters saying “but he WORKS!” as an excuse for why he shouldn’t have to do any parenting are arse-enablers. Who on earth would lie there while their baby and their partner are covered in sick going “well it’s your turn, I’m not helping”?

autumnboys · 22/02/2020 06:23

No one is at their best in the middle is the night. Have a chat in the morning. I hope your Dd is feeling better soon.

mummyway · 22/02/2020 06:23

Is the baby not his and only yours, is that why you are expected to deal with the baby yourself?
If you were a single parent you would deal by yourself, but you are not a single parent. He had a part in making this child and should play his part in helping out when he is at home.
Broken sleep is part of parenting, maybe your husband should grow up and stop being a miserable idiot

DNAwrangler · 22/02/2020 06:25

Well if the DH were a single parent he’d have to sort it alone too @Zaza1414.

But he’s not. And neither is the OP.