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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick a wedding date the weekend before my sister in-laws sister?

211 replies

nicgrev · 17/02/2020 15:24

I got engaged on the 10th Jan this year :). We told everyone we were keen on a September wedding as this works best for both myself and my fiancees parents work schedules. My brother and sister in law gave us a raft of dates in September that would not work for them. This, combined with a few dates that we could not do due to prior engagements left us with no September weekends :(. Unless we went for a Friday...So we decided the 25th of September could work well. The 25th happens to be the Friday before one of the weekends my brother and sister in law said they could not do. That weekend they are gathering with my sister in laws sister as a sort of weekend before her wedding get together. Since telling them of this proposed date they have said that it will not work for them for 2 reasons. 1, They think it is rude to have our wedding 8 days before my sister in laws sisters wedding (something about stealing the limelight, but honestly it has nothing to do with that and my sister in law said that she knew this was not the intention) 2, They feel it will interfere with their weekend pre-wedding get together with my sister in laws sister as it is on the Friday prior to this. I would never take offence if someone booked their wedding in the week before mine and my fiancee feels the same but clearly my brother and sister in law do... so am I being unreasonable/rude?

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 17/02/2020 15:31

They are being ridiculous, especially about the limelight stealing thing. I would go ahead and book if I were you but I also think you with have to accept that they may not come

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 17/02/2020 15:31

No. Your own family are the priority. If your brother is going to the wedding does he really need to spend the entire weekend before with them all too?

Your mistake was asking for dates that suit people. Generally people book a date and then let others know. You've given 2 people who aren't essential to the day too much input and they now feel entitled to dictate based on completely unrelated people to you.

Book the date YOU want to book.

7yo7yo · 17/02/2020 15:32

Just book your wedding when you want. If they are there fine if not tough.

Sapphire387 · 17/02/2020 15:32

Not unreasonable at all. Sounds like you are already accommodating your brother and SIL in working around dates they can’t do.

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 17/02/2020 15:33

Book your wedding for the best date to suit you. No one else gets a say. If you want a Saturday wedding then you do that. If you want a wedding in your wellies with your undies on show... Do it... No one gets a say

bigchris · 17/02/2020 15:33

Yes your mistake was to ask about to her people's commitments

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 17/02/2020 15:42

By the way, I have 2 sisters-in-law. I know one of their sisters to have conversation with. I wouldn't even recognise the other one's sisters if I passed them in the street. I absolutely would not be planning anything, let alone my wedding around their plans.

My brother got married last year. Our only aunt couldnt make it. She was very upset but that's how it turned out. Our cousin (her daughter) got married 2 weeks before my brother. There was no issue.

SheChoseDown · 17/02/2020 15:43

Did the other lady in this situation write about this earlier?

Original poster
nicgrev · 17/02/2020 15:57

We did not ask about their dates they told us when they asked what our plans were.

OP posts:
notalwaysalondoner · 17/02/2020 15:58

Sounds completely reasonable - your brother’s wife’s sister is getting married 8 days after you and they want to hang out with her the weekend before too, which happens to be the day after your wedding. They might be a bit tired the day after your wedding but honestly, that’s life.

If I were you I’d be a bit “but what about me?” So much emphasis being put on your brother’s wife’s sister’s wedding week that they don’t even want to engage on your actual wedding day...?!

AriadnesFilament · 17/02/2020 16:00

Why are you planning your wedding date around someone who isn’t even part of your family? Your SIL’s sister? Book the 25th. That suits you. It’s your wedding. They either come or they don’t.

Whoops75 · 17/02/2020 16:02

Book whatever date suits ye.

We had family weddings one day apart, it was exhausting but fine.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 17/02/2020 16:05

Choose a date.
Book a venue.
Tell everyone the date.
Ask for RSVP’s.

That’s how it goes.

Your mistake was mooting the September thing with everyone, and implying that you’d choose a date around what is best for people’s work, etc.

bigchris · 17/02/2020 16:07

The only thing I checked was when my father in law was away as he was in the navy

Norma27 · 17/02/2020 16:10

I got married on a Friday. My sil's sister got married the next day. Have no idea who booked first. Neither of us stole the other's limelight.
Your sil is being ridiculous.

HillAreas · 17/02/2020 16:10

Oh for gods sake you get a wedding DAY not a whole week!
Book the day that suits you best, OP.

Purpletigers · 17/02/2020 16:13

Book the day you both want . If they don’t come, it says more about them than it does about you . Does your brother always do what his wife says?

Drum2018 · 17/02/2020 16:13

I agree, book your wedding and let them sod off. Your sil sounds like hard bloody work if she's getting worked up about going to your wedding over a week before her sisters wedding. How can you steal the limelight unless you are all going to be at each other's weddings? Seriously, continue with your plans and don't ask anyone else whether it suits them or not. If someone declines an invite accept their decline graciously and enjoy the day with those who can make it.

simplekindoflife · 17/02/2020 16:14

Hang on, brother's wife's sister?!! Ffs... Your sil is being ridiculous!

They don't bloody own the whole of September!

Iloveacurry · 17/02/2020 16:18

So it’s your brother’s wife’s sister? I bet you don’t even know her! Steeling the limelight, what limelight? Your wedding and her wedding haven’t really got anything to do with each other, besides two guests!.

snappycamper · 17/02/2020 16:20

Agreeing with all the post so far, but also wanted to say that if it's the Saturday of that weekend which suits you best, book that!

MotherofKitties · 17/02/2020 16:28

OP book your wedding. They're being ridiculous.

Your potential wedding is the Friday before your sister in laws sisters pre-wedding get together and that's inconvenient?! Completely unrealistic expectation on your brother and SILs behalf.

And congratulations by the way Smile

Original poster
nicgrev · 17/02/2020 16:29

Would love to hear from someone who thinks it's unreasonable. No judgement, trying to get the other side of the argument.

OP posts:
notthemum · 17/02/2020 16:30

In all honesty your sister in laws sister is sod all to do with you. (unless I'm missing something and she's your best mate). Have your wedding when you want to have it. Unfortunately your brother and his wife might decide not to come, but as this was not one of the weeks that they said they couldn't do it shouldn't make a difference.
Stealing the limelight? What crap. I wouldn't have thought you would be inviting sister in laws sister to yours or that you will be invited to hers, so as I said that's crap.

Lweji · 17/02/2020 16:30

If they didn't want that weekend, then they should have said they couldn't when you discussed it.
As it is, go ahead. They can go or not.