To pick a wedding date the weekend before my sister in-laws sister?

[nicgrev]

I got engaged on the 10th Jan this year :). We told everyone we were keen on a September wedding as this works best for both myself and my fiancees parents work schedules. My brother and sister in law gave us a raft of dates in September that would not work for them. This, combined with a few dates that we could not do due to prior engagements left us with no September weekends :(. Unless we went for a Friday...So we decided the 25th of September could work well. The 25th happens to be the Friday before one of the weekends my brother and sister in law said they could not do. That weekend they are gathering with my sister in laws sister as a sort of weekend before her wedding get together. Since telling them of this proposed date they have said that it will not work for them for 2 reasons. 1, They think it is rude to have our wedding 8 days before my sister in laws sisters wedding (something about stealing the limelight, but honestly it has nothing to do with that and my sister in law said that she knew this was not the intention) 2, They feel it will interfere with their weekend pre-wedding get together with my sister in laws sister as it is on the Friday prior to this. I would never take offence if someone booked their wedding in the week before mine and my fiancee feels the same but clearly my brother and sister in law do... so am I being unreasonable/rude?

Ignore their list. Book YOUR wedding for when it suits YOU. Do not book around someone else's wedding that is of no relation to you. If they can't make it so be it.

Unless you desperately want them there and have told them that then it was rather presumptuous to give you a list of suitable dates.

Forgot to add when I got engaged my fil works away so we got a date that he would be home on. Booked that date and let people know. 2 months later my cousin gets engaged then 4 months after that books her wedding for the weekend BEFORE mine.

That was definite limelight stealing and they told people so. They wanted family to attend theirs and not mine.

As it happens family attended both and afterwards clearly told us which wedding they preferred and it wasn't hers lol.

So your wedding - actual wedding - is the DAY BEFORE a gathering they are holding a WEEK before their actual wedding.

So while it’s a case of being out on Friday AND on Saturday, there is no actual clash?

Is that correct?

It's your wedding, not theirs. Pick a date and they will have to work around you. If they can't do it then that's their problem.

Oh they’re taking the piss. Crack on. I’ve never heard such ridiculousness, stealing thunder from an acquaintance (not family member!) by marrying eight days before them? Daft.

Sister in laws in my experience are toxic

Unless you're a man... you're also a sister in law. It works both ways.

Hmm. I see our friendly neighbourhood wedding planner hasn't returned to the thread. Guess I'll just have to imagine her apology assuming my "failed" marriage had anything to do with our marrying in haste and not my husband's untimely death!

You should have just planned the dates and been evasive if they said anything. Too many people want to know too much .

We once had an Uncle who got married one Saturday morning in Bedfordshire, and a Cousin who got married the same day in the afternoon in Surrey, we attended BOTH!!

People are so bloody precious about weddings these days, I think that too many of them are all about the pomp and ceremony and not about the fact you are making a commitment to each other. If people aren't available on the day you choose, obviously with the exception of the very closest of family, then tough, they don't get to come, but they certainly don't get to dictate either!!

I think YABU. Attending a wedding is expensive both in terms of time and money. Theirs is already booked for September. There are 11 other months in the year.

It’s definitely inconsiderate to PIL and the guests going to both.

8 dats apart will undoubtedly take the limelight off theirs as I note you have squeezed yours in first. And people do get wedding fatigue.

Friday weddings are pants for guests as you are expecting everyone to take a day off work to attend. This is selfish when there are so many Saturdays in the year.

Choose another month you are being very unreasonable and people will think you are trying to steel the limelight I would.

Weddings come thick and fast and it's a lovely time of the year for all the family and friends I should have thought. How silly they are being. Have a beautiful day.

I can offer no advice as to whether you cowtow or stick to your guns.