To pick a wedding date the weekend before my sister in-laws sister?

[nicgrev]

I got engaged on the 10th Jan this year :). We told everyone we were keen on a September wedding as this works best for both myself and my fiancees parents work schedules. My brother and sister in law gave us a raft of dates in September that would not work for them. This, combined with a few dates that we could not do due to prior engagements left us with no September weekends :(. Unless we went for a Friday...So we decided the 25th of September could work well. The 25th happens to be the Friday before one of the weekends my brother and sister in law said they could not do. That weekend they are gathering with my sister in laws sister as a sort of weekend before her wedding get together. Since telling them of this proposed date they have said that it will not work for them for 2 reasons. 1, They think it is rude to have our wedding 8 days before my sister in laws sisters wedding (something about stealing the limelight, but honestly it has nothing to do with that and my sister in law said that she knew this was not the intention) 2, They feel it will interfere with their weekend pre-wedding get together with my sister in laws sister as it is on the Friday prior to this. I would never take offence if someone booked their wedding in the week before mine and my fiancee feels the same but clearly my brother and sister in law do... so am I being unreasonable/rude?

It is a bit dodgy to have your wedding the weekend before theirs but they've really left you no choice so I would say YANBU.

Sit them down together and explain you've tried to be accommodating as possible but you're in this situation because of them.

It looks like they won't go anyway and I think any weekend in the same year would be viewed as stealing the limelight.

Just do what suits you best.

Why shouldn’t anyone profit from the wedding industry? Do you all work for free? Should getting married be part of a charitable trust?

Loving all your stories of second marriages and how you pissed your families off, but never mind. You sound like complete charmers also.

The more I read a certain posters comments on here, the more I am glad that for neither of my weddings have I been tempted to hire a wedding planner, especially one who has such disgust for any couple who doesn't meet their very restricted requirements for what a wedding should look like.

My late husband and I were young skint students when we married. We could have waited and planned for years but we wanted to be married. Our wedding was wonderful and we still managed the important things like flowers, food, a white dress and music.

Some people don't want to spend every waking moment obsessed with planning a wedding for years before. It's dull.

This time around we know where we want to get married, who we want there and that we want some nice flowers, clothes and a bit of a knees up. None of it takes more than a few months to organise - though we know we need to book the venue next year!

Shame on you @Thewarrenerswife. You should be apologising to @Leighhalfpennysthigh immediately.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh so pleased you've found happiness again. Have a great day

Nobody said that nobody should profit from the wedding industry.
But it has reached unreasonable levels, where people are actually made to believe that you do have to spend a lot of time and money on it.
It's ridiculous to spend over a year on planning and to spend in the 10 000s, unless you're wealthy.

@harriethoyle thank you. However, I don't want to derail the thread. My advice to the OP is the same. Have your wedding when you want it. A pre wedding thing isn't a wedding.

@Thewarrenerswife Thank you so very much. You have reassured me completely that making our own arrangements is so much better than hiring ‘a professional’ planner.
Of course you can do it at short notice. A church, a dress, a breakfast venue, a cake. How complicated can it be?

As someone pointed out there is a vast difference between a wedding and a marriage. Technically, the wedding is generally a day or so, in U.K. Christian tradition, although other religions and cultures have more complex traditions. A party is no indication whatsoever of the enduring nature of the marriage. You do sound touched.

My only concern is that weddings are expensive even to attend. Maybe it's that but don't want to say. Either way it's your day you book for when you want. They will be there, if not it says more about them than you.

Difficult one.

Technically you can get married whenever you want and no-one can stop you or can tell you when to have it.

On the otherhand very real possibility the SIL and DB won't be there and suppose that depends how much you want them there.

If I was SIL in this situation I definately wouldn't go to yours as I am best friends with my sister and would not miss one part of the wedding buzz. Id also be gutted to miss yours but would feel i wouldnt have a choice. Wouldn't resent you for ring with the date though.

If I was your DH I would go to your wedding but be gutted I missed another big family party. Again wouldn't resent you for it.

If I was the SIL sister I would be a bit annoyed my BIL couldn't come to this party but totally understand his situation and wouldn't mind. Wouldn't be going to your wedding tho obvs and would expect my DS to come to my party. Wouldn't really care about this as an issue tho as id just be happy I was getting married.

No one will remember any of it in a year or care when anyone's wedding was so I guess you just have to decide if you want your SIL and her family there that much?

Family weddings are so fun though and I'd be gutted to miss one.

If I was your DH I would go to your wedding but be gutted I missed another big family party. Again wouldn't resent you for it

DB 😂

I really hope your DH to be is going😂😂

I’ve just read the first few pages of this thread, but in all honesty, what I would do would be to pick another day entirely. One that suited me and DH...and then I wouldn’t invite any of them. I’d say, “oh, I didn’t want to put anyone out, so we’ve decided to elope to the Bahamas”.

I think you should get married when you want to, but...If you do happen to look for other ideas op, the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to was on December 23. The decoration was vintage pinks, greens and creams, with sparkling snowflakes. Everyone was so festive and though the weather was chilly, the frost made everything glisten and the photos were stunning. So, if you do change your mind from a ‘summer wedding’, if you can call September that, then you can have the most spectacular (not necessarily large) weddings at any time of the year.

Loli - why would OP's DB & wife need to miss anything? Surely you attend wedding on Friday, get up Saturday morning and drive to Saturday family party. Have a week to recover between weddings. Job done, no fun missed, everyone happy (but just wait until they are all due babies in the same month )

@Thewarrenerswife

The point that literally everyone was trying to make was that someone who is seeking to profit by encouraging people to get into debt over a one day event isn't perhaps the most unbiased source of advice when it comes to wedding prep.

Since you've come on this thread describing a marriage which ended in bereavement as a failed marriage and suggested that if the widow had spent more on her wedding it wouldn't have "failed" you're hardly in a position to complain about people not being sufficiently charming for you! Your posts are insane - everyone has pointed this out to you.

Most of the posts here have described weddings being close together - even amongst close family (not the case here) and it being no problem at all. Obviously that doesn't fit your bridezilla narrative so you've ignored it.

@Loli2

Are you seriously saying you'd miss your sil's wedding just because your sister was having a party the next day. Why couldn't you just attend the wedding, not get drunk, leave at a reasonable time then go to your sister's party the next day?

@NomNomNomNom

Oh I've picked that up wrong, thought it was the same day for wedding and party😂😂

In that case would probably go to both and get drunk at both....sounds like a great weekend now!

Friday is harder than Saturday for most people to get to a wedding. Choose the day and date you want. That’s what most couples do, and normal people accept that. Your SIL sounds a nightmare.

In that case would probably go to both and get drunk at both....sounds like a great weekend now!

me too!

They are being absurd. You can block off one day in your guests' schedules for your wedding. Not two consecutive weekends.

My brother planned his wedding for the weekend before mine, in a city four hours away. I had booked mine first, so he asked if I minded. I did not mind in the least, though we later pushed back our wedding for other reasons. And we were actual brother and sister, not sister and brother's wife's sister. I.e. lots of relatives and family friends would have been invited to both.

Literally no one will be invited to both of your weddings except your brother and SIL. Don't give it another thought.

@Thewarrenerswife
“6-7months is absolutely a rush job. I actually work in weddings, and we all roll our eyes at a time frame like that.”

That’s rubbish, my daughter and I booked her wedding in the November for the following May. Six months is ample time to organise a wedding! It is much nicer as it means that there is no chance of feeling that the wedding talk is lasting forever, or for the excitement to fade! Just needs plenty of enthusiasm and good organisation. In fact there was loads of people who said her’s was the best wedding they had been to!

Maybe you’re in the wrong job if you “work in weddings” and 6 months isn’t long enough!!

Who gives a fuck about the potential guests’ “raft of unavailable” dates?

This is your wedding, you pick the date YOU AND YOUR FIANCE want, no one else.

Stick with the date that suits you OP.

For what’s its worth I am a manager within the hospitality industry, and I can tell you with ‘long in the tooth’ (crap I must be around 40) certainty that you can definite plan a lovely wedding in a short time.

I have seen many couples do this and I myself managed to plan and get married within 6 months of getting engaged. We had a lovely venue - I invited my guests and most people came. One of my sisters and nieces were on holiday for my hen do - however as I understand other people have lives I did not expect them to cancel holidays to accommodate it - and they didn’t kick up a fuss about me picking another date.

You are not stealing anyone’s thunder - you are getting married when it suits you, as is your sil’s sis. The fact that they have a pre- wedding weekend is lovely for them - but It’s not their wedding day or even weekend, their wedding is a week later - so some family members get two celebrate the coming together of two family’s two weekends in a row, you are not asking them to choose between the two weddings on the same day - or even weekend.

So would they have a problem with any other Friday in the month? Would that work?

Sister in laws in my experience are toxic