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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Self-deleted PMs

34 replies

VenusTiger · 09/02/2020 15:34

I was PM'd during the night, twice, by the same person. Went to open messages, but they had removed them - how annoying! It's like when someone says "hey, you know what?" and then says "actually, dont worry about it"
I've searched the username here and I've seen only 2 comments and one of them was removed by mnhq, so I'm presuming the messages are probably not very nice.
Anyone else had that?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/02/2020 15:37

No, I didn't even know you could retract a sent message?

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 09/02/2020 15:41

Yes, you can..

I was sent an abusive PM once, and then it disappeared from my inbox, all it said was "message removed on user's request". I found this more offensive than the message, TBH, such a cowardly thing to do. She could have apologised instead.

Original poster
VenusTiger · 09/02/2020 15:42

AIBU to presume the messages (sent 3hrs apart) are meanie messages

OP posts:
DobbinOnTheLA · 09/02/2020 15:43

I wonder if that happens automatically if the sender deregisters/banned?

Original poster
VenusTiger · 09/02/2020 15:43

It's annoying - I could report them as their (albeit short) posting history doesn't read well. Although, they could've name changed? It's a weird feeling, like you know someone has an axe to grind but won't tell you.

OP posts:
Original poster
VenusTiger · 09/02/2020 15:46

@DobbinOnTheLA but it says This message has been removed at user request for both messages - really odd

OP posts:
ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 09/02/2020 15:46

Maybe it does, but not with the message I had. The poster was around for a bit after that.

SidneyPrescott · 09/02/2020 15:46

I've had this too.

Self-deleted PMs
DesLynamsMoustache · 09/02/2020 15:48

Yeah this happened to me before too. Someone from a thread I'd been on presumably sending me something a bit unpleasant and then got the fear. I never did find out what it said Sad

DobbinOnTheLA · 09/02/2020 15:50

I noticed on PMs someone sent me had that same message, it was months, maybe even a year or so after and it was friendly back/forth exchange. I just assumed they'd deregistered and there's an option to delete PMs.

Original poster
VenusTiger · 09/02/2020 15:56

@SidneyPrescott the subject line said X so not sure if that was replaced with an ex or originally said X ?

OP posts:
DobbinOnTheLA · 09/02/2020 15:58

Mine still has the original subject line title

Original poster
VenusTiger · 09/02/2020 16:04

Interesting- an X is rather ambiguous though no?

OP posts:
ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 09/02/2020 16:06

Mine has the original subject line as well, so it's very easy to know what the content will be as well.

limitedperiodonly · 09/02/2020 16:08

I got that ages ago from a well-known poster who liked to recruit fans. I'd disagreed with someone - no nastiness, we just didn't agree. I got a PM slagging this person off. I didn't respond because I didn't want to get involved in a feud.

I came to like the person I'd disagreed with - like I said, I never disliked her, just had a different opinion. When I searched that PM to see if any of it tallied, it had been deleted. I should have reported it from the start.

Cohle · 09/02/2020 16:11

Yep this has happened to me too.

It was a PM that was quite unpleasant about another poster. I reported it but all that ever happened was that the PM was "removed at user's request". Hmm

DobbinOnTheLA · 09/02/2020 16:16

It's sounds likely they were unpleasant messages, I just can't see how they can be withdrawn without some MN input. When I go on sent message there's no facility to optionally withdraw.

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 09/02/2020 16:19

Yeah I had one last night that got deleted too.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 09/02/2020 16:21

It happens a lot. It is yet another techy glitch apparently. I found out because I PMd an old MN pal and we chatted for a bit in PMs then I got the "been deleted by the user" message. I was a bit upset and asked her why she had done it and she hadn't. They'd just kind of self-deleted. HQ didn't know why it had happened. Actually, they were "it says what?"
This was about 2-3 years ago.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 09/02/2020 16:24

Just checked my inbox and the PMs between me and that poster are from July 2018 and give the same "deleted at sender's request" thing, as does a further one from someone in Sept 2018 who had asked me for info on Tefl teaching.

Bluerussian · 09/02/2020 16:27

I'm not sure about that Tiger. It could just be a mistake. I also had notice of a pm and when I looked it had been deleted, I had no idea who the poster was. It's not difficult to send a pm to the wrong person in which case it should be deleted as soon as the sender notices.

Why would anyone be nasty in a pm? That would really be underhand.

BertieBotts · 09/02/2020 16:33

I reckon they will have been deleted by MNHQ for being spammy or abusive or something and the deleted at sender's request is a generic deletion message they haven't changed.

You could try posting on site stuff to see if you get an official response?

housinghelp101 · 09/02/2020 16:34

I checked my pms recently as I was looking for something and most of them had disappeared with that message. They were friendly pms, nothing outing so I was quite surprised but assumed it was something technical.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 09/02/2020 16:37

Yes, HQ told me and the other poster it was a techy glitch they hadn't been aware of.

Original poster
VenusTiger · 09/02/2020 17:28

Thanks everyone.
@YesIDoLoveCrisps I wonder if it was the same user? Shall I PM you..... and then delete it Grin

OP posts: