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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not eat when we go out for dinner...

41 replies

Goodnightjude1 · 21/11/2019 13:02

tomorrow night??

I know it sounds odd...going out for a meal and not eating but I have (what I think) is a good enough reason.

Some friends of ours are in town this weekend and we arranged a couple of months ago to go out for a meal at a favourite restaurant of ours. I’ve had a few health problems recently and one thing I’ve found that really helps is not eating after about 3pm. I’ve done this for the last few weeks and the pain and discomfort I’ve been suffering through the night has definitely lesend.
Unfortunately they already have other plans for the rest of the weekend so we can’t do lunch on another day but AIBU to still go but just have a drink and chat while they eat? I don’t think they’ll mind at all, I just don’t want to come across to anyone that I don’t want to be there!

OP posts:

practicallyimpractical38 · 21/11/2019 13:04

Would the restaurant allow this?

Original poster

Goodnightjude1 · 21/11/2019 13:08

I hadn’t even thought of that...

I guess I could order a starter and my OH could eat it. I don’t suppose they’d stand around watching to see who eats. I’d still be paying for drinks and there’ll be 5 others eating.

OP posts:

FatAndFurious7 · 21/11/2019 13:09

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If the rest of the party are eating then the restaurant can't have a problem with it and noone can force you to eat if you dont want to. Just enjoy a drink and have a lovely evening with them

Original poster

Goodnightjude1 · 21/11/2019 13:10

Thankyou 😀

OP posts:

BarbaraofSeville · 21/11/2019 13:12

Yes, I'd order a couple of starters and let others eat most of them. I often order 2 starters instead of a starter and a main anyway if the portions are large.

Do you really eat nothing at all or would you have a bit of something light, like seafood or salad? Or could you order something that will save well and take the rest of it home for lunch the next day?

Original poster

Goodnightjude1 · 21/11/2019 13:17

I’ve been having nothing at all from 3. I have a decent breakfast and lunch so I’m still eating enough. I’m just eating it earlier in the day. It’s just after years and years of pain this seems to be the only thing that actually helps and I’m reluctant to eat late and suffer for it.

OP posts:

DartmoorChef · 21/11/2019 13:21

It will be fine. I work in a restaurant. We don't care as long as at least one of the party eats.

peachescariad · 21/11/2019 13:22

Totally reasonable and the restaurant won't bat an eyelid or even question why you're not ordering. Don't feel obliged to order food just to placate the restaurant.
Just order whatever drink you enjoy that makes your tummy happy.

newnameforthis76 · 21/11/2019 13:34

The restaurant won't mind if you don't eat, provided that everyone else is. You'll be on a table with other people so it's not like they could seat someone else in your place or anything.

Original poster

Goodnightjude1 · 21/11/2019 13:39

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

justasking111 · 21/11/2019 13:42

Enjoy your evening OP.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 21/11/2019 13:42

I agree that it would be nice to support the business by ordering a starter (perhaps something the others could share) as you're taking up a seat- but otherwise completely fine.

coconuttelegraph · 21/11/2019 13:44

I'd check with the restaurant first, explain you won't be eating for health reasons but would like to join your friends, that's only polite and will save any trouble at the time of the meal

HollowTalk · 21/11/2019 13:57

Do you suffer from indigestion if you eat later?

ReanimatedSGB · 21/11/2019 13:59

I agree that it would be polite to let the restaurant know (you don;t have to go into details, just say it's for health reasons.) It's not likely to be the first time something like this has happened and as they have a party booking where everyone else will be ordering food, they are unlikely to mind. Though it would probably be better to order an actual drink rather than a glass of tap water.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 21/11/2019 14:05

I always like to order something simply because I know a few small restaurant owners and their margins can be v. tight.

So many places close every year so if I'm in their space, I'll spend some money!

cacklingmags · 21/11/2019 14:06

Lots of people with colitis have to be careful when and what they eat.

Thornhill58 · 21/11/2019 14:18

Could you have some light? A soup or a small salad?

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 21/11/2019 14:20

It’s a restaurant so I’d feel awkward as hell not eating, it’s a restaurant it’s for well eating!

Would a small starter plate really cause you issues? Even with just drinking your still taking in calories so how won’t that cause you issues? (I’m assuming your planning on ordering a glass of wine rather than ordering a tap water)

Honestly in this situation I’d rather not go

TiceCream · 21/11/2019 14:23

I’ve frequently gone to a restaurant and just had a drink because the rest of the party had booked to go there but they couldn’t cater for my food allergies.

endofthelinefinally · 21/11/2019 14:33

I think it is perfectly fine OP. I have done this in the past as I have a chronic condition that I have to manage. As long as your friends are eating, the place is making money.

iolaus · 21/11/2019 14:50

I have to say I'd feel very strange if I were the one eating in that situation, I would rather change to meeting up somewhere other than a restaurant

shearwater · 21/11/2019 14:56

Someone I used to work with used to do this, on account of being very strict Jewish and the restaurant not being kosher. I don't know how she managed to sit there and not eat when we were all tucking in, she must have had a will of steel, but I never saw her eat anything.

kateandme · 21/11/2019 15:03

i know hours later is different but i cant udnerstand how you think your body knows "right ita minute after 3 anything else will hurt me."
thats so long to wait between your next meal.and as weird as it sounds it might just keep that cycle going.because like it or not fasting that way for a long period of time will do things to your metabolism and the way your body is used to food.there is a reason no matter what the dieters and fasters say why we need little and often.your making your body go on nothing for such a long time of course it will get into a pattern of pain and not know how to regulate.
im not being goady i know you no your body and your own pain and ibs and all those illness are f* the worst! but i think in time it will stop you doing things and might make your tummy worse.
and the longer you do this,something might come along in the future you do want to go.a night out or special meal.or celebration and of course your body will by that time think what the hell is this now?
sorry im far to involved but ...eek

kateandme · 21/11/2019 15:05

but when it comes to not eating thing (sorry y the point of your thread.) ive never know any to have a problem with it.
we have a family member who has an eating disorder so never eats.she will sometimes manage hot drink or water.and we have always always said we would rahte rhe be with us and noone has ever batted an eyelid.
nor has the restaurants. shes been embaressed sometimes and asked us to make sure we speak out when the waiter comes but apart from that its been nothing.and after all the eyars im so glad we kept asking her to come.sometimes she wasnt able but god it was great when she could.

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