***********To be annoyed with dd*************

[Mhamai]

I never usually post on the AIBU but this is reallly eating away at me. Ok My dd 21 is away working in Spain for the Summer season, her Grandad, my dad went into hospital ten days ago. She actually rang methe day he went in. My gripe is that she hasn't phoned since. Before anyone says, well why can't you ring her, the thing is I can't, she does not have her mobile set up for oer there.

I know she's young and having the time of her life etc but I do feel she could have made an effort to ring since then for an update.

AIBU?

hmm think i was quite inconsiderate when i was 21 (am only 28 now, lol!)

she prob doesnt understand what it means to you.

Mhamai, she has NO idea how upsetting it is for you. She is a kid and she is doesn't see why you would worry about her as she knows everything and she is naturally short on empathy because that is the way youngsters are. That said it is perfectly reasonable to be upset at her.
I'm glad he was admitted btw, has it made things a bit easier?

What did he go into hospital for? What did you actually tell her?

Has she had much experience of people close to her being ill and hospitalised? IME it's often when this happens that you start to get more sensitive about these things.

Thanks allgonebellyup and thanks Carmenere, the voice of reason as usual. Yes and no Carmenere, in one sense there is relief because we know he is getting the best help possible now but the poor divil keeps asking when he's coming home? It could be many many months that he will have to stay in the general hospital before we find a place for him.

He has alzheimers tigermoth, he was admitted because he is now doubly incontinent. Her own df whom she had only made contact with a year previously sadly commited suicide in January, I have thought there may be a connection in her reluctance to be engaged with it tbh.

Oh god , It's a cruel disease. Much worse for the loved ones However he is in the right place, you couldn't have managed him.
Your dd may well not feel able to deal with the prospect of a seriously ill relative just now, particularly because of her dad.
or she may well just not want the thought of an incontinent oldfella wrecking her summer buzz. either is understandable but she should be showing a bit more concern for you tbh.

That's just it Carmenere, I feel guilty for being annoyed especially in light of her dd's death.I want to be grown up and mature about but well it's hard, outwardly, I'm being responsible etc but tbh part of me is going, well what about me?

I have to say that when I was your daughter's age, living in London, I had a similar reaction when my mother phoned me. She was looking after her very sick mother and when she gave me updates, I just could not empathise properly as I wasn't mature enough.

I felt I wanted to run away from the problem as it didn't fit with my life (carmenere you are so right about the buzz). I was so afraid of being drawn in, of having to move back home to look after things. I needed to feel my mother was really strong and coping with it all. Any tiny admittance that things were hard for her meant I felt my present nice life was threatened. As I said, I wasn't very mature.

Perhaps your dd has a feeling (even she hasn't acknowledged it to herself) that if she rings she might be asked to come home?

How sad about her father. I agree with you that this can be affecting her reactions now.

Well she will be home in two weeks so I should really just let it go but it was good to be able to vent.