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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay less than club charges?

28 replies

just2comment · 10/10/2019 09:59

2dc who would usually go to holiday club in half term at a cost of £120 for both kids. Monday-Thursday 9-4pm.

My lovely friend has offered to have them Monday - Wednesday (I only work these days) 9-6pm as I work until 5pm and home at 6.

I had originally offered to pay her to collect them at 4pm from the club (5 mins drive) for the 3 days mom-wed (no amount agreed at this point).

AIBU to pay less than I would for holiday club as she's only having them 3 days, but is actually longer days 9-6pm. Was thinking of £80?

Never had this situation and we are good friends, I don't want to offend.

Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
1busybee · 10/10/2019 10:03

I would ask her how much she wants to be paid. If she is vague then she s not that bothered so £80 would be ok. If she has an amount in mind she ll tell you and you won’t cause offence.

Original poster
just2comment · 10/10/2019 10:07

@1busybee thank you, I feel embarrassed to ask her how much she wants, I know it's silly but is there a good way of phrasing it?

OP posts:
BinkyBaa · 10/10/2019 10:08

Probably YANBU, this sort of favour really depends on the friend.

Almost similar situation: I once let a friend stay in my flat for 3 weeks (alone, no pets to care for or anything, I continued paying £120 a week for rent and bills). I didnt even think about payment until she asked what I wanted so I just said any token would be fine. She got me something from a shop I liked and as far as I'm concerned we're even.

Maybe your friend feels like this, or maybe shes very put out and wants full payment. Only you really know her well enough to say (or just ask what she wants).

Original poster
just2comment · 10/10/2019 10:10

She's coming after school today for play date so will bite bullet and ask, she knows how much the club is as has used it herself for her dc.

OP posts:
WaterSheep · 10/10/2019 10:23

I think it's very kind of her to offer to have them all day, but 3 days is a long time. If I were you I would stick to the original arrangement of her collecting them when holiday club finishes.

As she has children herself I assume she will be taking them out to soft play / other activities during the half term, as the weather can be pretty rubbish. So you would also need to consider if the money you pay would cover food and the cost of any activities, if not you would be paying additional costs and the price might end up comparable to the holiday club.

Perhaps you could compromise by having 2 days at holiday club and one with her?

Teddybear45 · 10/10/2019 10:30

Depends what she does with them. I tend to take nephews out wherever they want (they get so excited they make a list in advance of coming) and I have been known to spend hundreds per day. Would never expect that to be reimbursed. Similarly my relative never takes them anywhere - they’re at home when she has them (will often change her kids’ plans to ensure it too) and will feed them whatever her kids have and so can’t justify charging them.

See how it goes after the first day before you make an offer

Original poster
just2comment · 10/10/2019 10:39

Her dd is same age as mine and they all play together, doubt she'd take them "out out" maybe park of dry, they'd play either round hers / mine as we live a few mins walk.

Holiday club is discounted to £60 per child for the full 4 days mon-thurs, if it's daily it's £33 per day per child

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 10/10/2019 10:45

In that case don’t offer to pay her anything and ask her to pick the kids up after the club has finished. Her services wouldn’t be anywhere near comparable to a holiday club, and if your kids get bored then you would need to find professional care last minute!

WaterSheep · 10/10/2019 10:52

Does she only have the one child? If so I would be worried about 3 being a crowd, and therefore one of the children being left out. Also just playing is nice for an afternoon, but for 3 full days from 9-6pm they will soon tire of this.

shearwater · 10/10/2019 10:57

If you think she won't take the piss I'd say "It is really so kind that you are doing this for me. Please allow me to give you something for it, how much do you suggest?"

Or you could suggest perhaps that while she has them for two days, all the kids go to holiday club for one of the days and you pay for that? If they would all enjoy it.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/10/2019 11:02

Also just playing is nice for an afternoon, but for 3 full days from 9-6pm they will soon tire of this.

Eh? When I was a kid (not that long ago) we weren't constantly entertained and rarely did organised "activities". In school holidays we just played with friends all day everyday. These are school age kids, they will be fine just playing/popping to the park. She's not a "professional" but she's a parent.I'm sure there will be plenty to do and she'll have the wherewithal to suggest games etc if they are at a loose end.

Original poster
just2comment · 10/10/2019 11:07

Our kids have known each other since 3yo (eldest 7). They rarely get to go to her house as play dates 98% at nine. All girls. I will ask her later today, I'm thinking 80-100?

OP posts:
Userzzzzz · 10/10/2019 11:07

Payment muddies things given by the sounds of it she isn’t a childcare professional so there’s no way you should be giving her holiday club rates. If she’s just having them to play I’d make sure I was covering food and trips etc especially as it’s just an odd 3 days. If it was more regular, I’d maybe think again.

HiccupHaddock3 · 10/10/2019 11:46

My initial reaction is why would you pay less? She is saving you the hassle of arranging the hours 4 till 6 and of dropping the kids off if they are a few minutes walk away. The extra day at holiday club is free anyway so that argument is not relevant. Why would you value her time and childcare less than the holiday club?

What's the relationship like overall? You say play dates are 98% at yours? Does she benefit from this or is this just the kids who benefit?

You will benefit by saving the hassle of sorting the house between 4 and 6 and you will save £120. She will have 3 or 4 kids in the house for three days!!

If you think overall that you have a reciprocal agreement, then perhaps send pizza one lunchtime, send a cake another day and bring supper for her and her daughters to have once yours have left on the last day and then also give her some money. But think about it carefully. If you give her £80 for 27 hours childcare, that is less than £3 per hour. Also, if you spend £40 on pizza and wine, she might prefer to have that money herself and give them sandwiches for lunch.

You know her best!!

Original poster
just2comment · 10/10/2019 11:59

@HiccupHaddock3 I was thinking of paying less as she does not have to pay for premises, insurance etc like the club has to.

Play dates at mine weekly, I always do a dinner.

I will see what she says after school

OP posts:
ElizaDee · 10/10/2019 12:04

I know it's silly but is there a good way of phrasing it?

"Btw, how much do I owe you for having the kids?"

Pretty simple, really.

Branleuse · 10/10/2019 12:06

are you sure your kids wont be bored just playing at hers with no activities or outings for 3 days? I mean thats fine here and there, but if youre actually thinking of paying for it as proper childcare, that sounds bad value.

HiccupHaddock3 · 10/10/2019 12:07

Yes, but equally, the holiday club is set up with childcare ratios of more than 1:4 at this age, presumably staff are earning minimum wage... I am not suggesting you need to pay her minimum wage as that is indeed why you choose a holiday club and not a nanny.

However, if you genuinely feel the relationship is shared and this offer is in return for weekly playdates including dinner then don't stress too much but let her know are grateful for the reciprocation.

CampingItUp · 10/10/2019 12:18

“she isn’t a childcare professional so there’s no way you should be giving her holiday club ratesl”

“ I was thinking of paying less as she does not have to pay for premises, insurance etc like the club has to.”

But £120 for 4 days for 2 kids is ridiculously cheap. £15 per kid per day! They must get a grant or something.

I would pay her £90. 3/4 of the club rate as she is doing 3 days not 4.

1busybee · 10/10/2019 12:25

“Are you sure you’re happy to have the dc s over half term? If so that’s really kind of you but I can’t let you do it for nothing so let me know how much you would charge”

Userzzzzz · 10/10/2019 12:27

If you did a day for her kids in return would she pay you?

Marriedwithchildren5 · 10/10/2019 12:31

I help out a friend in the holidays. She never offers payment even the I provide lunch and use to go out and about. I am starting to begrudge it and I'm starting to cut down on how much I help her.

I wouldnt expect the same amount as a holiday club. But an offer to pay for lunch out. Petrol money etc. I think you're offer is perfect.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 10/10/2019 13:00

I find this thread quite sad. If I offered to help a friend out for a few days, with no loss of earnings etc for myself, I never charge a friend or family member money. Not when it's a one off and that friend has had my kids for dinner regularly etc so isn't a CF. Doesn't anyone do a favour to help a friend any more?

stupidboyman · 10/10/2019 13:05

If I was your friend I wouldn't expect any payment. She is just a friend helping you out surely? No doubt you will have her kids another time?

Original poster
just2comment · 10/10/2019 16:28

Thanks all for the replies.

We help each other out, i wouldn't feel comfortable not paying anything, I asked her a while ago and she said £20 per day for both kids, I said £100 and she's delighted.

She also asked if she could do this in other half terms as it helps her out financially (single SAHM). Summer, Easter and Christmas holidays I have the club.

OP posts:
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