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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my dd to be played with at a party? LONG

17 replies

hotcrossbunny · 13/08/2007 21:49

Probably am being too pfb but my dd 4 had a miserable time at her so-called best friends birthday party today.
She was fairly obviously left out by bf and another good friend - typical 3 doesn't work. I tried to make sure they included her on going on the skyrider etc, but they kept going on they didn't want to go on with her
Am I expecting too much that her mum/dad should have noticed and sorted out their dd, given that her mum is usually paranoid about her dd being left out?
My dd said 'I'm not having a very nice time mummy' which broke my heart as she'd been so excited about going. I ended up reading stories to her and a little sister as she was feeling so left out.
Had it not been a party I'd have said something... As we left the mum said that dd seemed a bit flat
Sorry long moan over

OP posts:

cylon · 13/08/2007 21:51

how many kids at this party?

nomdeplume · 13/08/2007 21:52

it's so horrible when things like this happen.

heifer · 13/08/2007 21:56

ah that isn't nice, but see it happen a lot with 3 friends...

Wasn't there any other children there that she could have teamed up with?

If the mms mentions it again about your DD seeming flat, I would mention why (nicely as possible) so maybe she can be aware if it crops up again, as there may be play dates etc and very likely to happen again.

I know that DD (3.8) has said that such and such wouldn't play with her today - but when 2 of them together no problems, it's the dreaded 3 thing..

Also hard when DD saids such and such is their best friend - but such and such says other girl is their best friend.. tis hard for her to understand.

How about giving her a special treat tomorrow go and do something a bit different.

Doodledootoo · 13/08/2007 22:00

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 13/08/2007 22:03

If there were only 3 present, No YANBU. Her parents should have noticed and reinforced playing nicely

Original poster

hotcrossbunny · 13/08/2007 22:41

It was the three 'big' girls, two younger and 3 babies. It was unfortunate that the other invited 4 year old girl was on holiday or it would have evened things out a little.
My dd is always better in a one-one situation, but usually copes with bigger groups in that she runs around with the group but just doesn't shriek so loudly.
This time because the girls were saying they only wanted to swing with each other it was quite obvious that dd was excluded.
IMO I think there were too many different age groups to work properly at this type of party. There were no organised activities like something arty/games etc so the chn didn't mix. They were just expected to use the climbing frame and go on the bouncy castle which wasn't up very long.
I think we were sad because we are pretty close to this family and have been through a lot together. The girls have known each other since they were born.
Heifer I think your idea is a really nice one . The tears stopped before bed but dd was still asking why her friend hadn't wanted to play with her

OP posts:

Carbonel · 13/08/2007 23:17

It is very tricky with three, especially with swings or things designed for two people! My ds always refuses to go when we visit dd's best friend as he knows he will be excluded, and he also finds it hard when friends come to play as all his friends play well with dd too, but hers are either girls or much older than him.

I do agree with you that hte mothershould have noticed and enforced some fair 'sharing' of the birthday child - if you know her well i would mention it to her, aprticuallry as you say she is the first to noice her child being 'left out'. All parents understand this issue, hopefully if you do mention it she will take a bit more care next time ...

Hugs to your dd and hope you can make tomorrow special for her. Any chance of her bf coming round for a playdate soon to reassure her and hopefully cheer her up a bit?

Clary · 13/08/2007 23:21

OH hcb that "I'm not having a nice time" makes me feel so and I don't even know yr DD.

Agree re making tomorrow nice for her.

GoingThroughChanges · 13/08/2007 23:26

I hate girls doing this

HAve a fun day tomorrow! Lots of ice-cream & maybe a trip to the park??

Original poster

hotcrossbunny · 13/08/2007 23:27

Thank you everyone!
I think I probably am being a bit oversensitive but I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this was a bit unnecessary. I feel sure its not 'the end of a beautiful friendship' or anything but I bet my dd doesn't think that...
I think we will try to squeeze in a quick play before we go on holiday but we'll also make sure dd sees some of her other friends too so that she realises that she has many friends and doesn't lose her confidence.
God its a minefield out there...

OP posts:

brimfull · 13/08/2007 23:27

your poor dd,her parents should have definately intervened.I know 3 children usually ends up with one being left out but children need to learn to think of other people's feelings fgs.I would be really annoyed .

Original poster

hotcrossbunny · 13/08/2007 23:29

Goingthroughchanges - definitely ice cream tomorrow Dh is off work too so we're going to have a family day out which should cheer things up.
Thank goodness for MN - Dh didn't really listen to my moaning

OP posts:

roisin · 13/08/2007 23:31

the dynamics of threesomes are so tricky though aren't they? I have two boys close together in age, and we've learned the hard way that having two friends over is better than having one.

If they have just one friend of relation to stay who is between them in age, then it's fairly inevitable that two of them will pair up and the other will be left out.

Original poster

hotcrossbunny · 13/08/2007 23:34

I always try to avoid 3 for that reason too. One will always be left out unless the parents are very clever at organising an activity which needs or can cope with 3. Putting on a little show can be incredibly successful with an odd number for example.

OP posts:

Original poster

hotcrossbunny · 13/08/2007 23:43

Am off to bed now. Will try not to dwell on today! Thanks all for your support - greatly appreciated

OP posts:

heifer · 14/08/2007 09:36

glad you felt better for posting..

Fully understand about DHs not understanding...

Hope you have a lovely day today...

Original poster

hotcrossbunny · 14/08/2007 17:34

We had a lovely day today thanks - if a bit wet! Dd polished off a slice of carrot cake and feels a lot happier

OP posts:

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