Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner was fired today

222 replies

Newname2505 · 07/10/2019 14:09

Absolutely bloody furious! We have a mortgage and children to find. Our wedding is booked and upcoming and has a balance outstanding still and it’s right before Christmas and my partner has gone and got themselves bloody fired for gross misconduct so it’s instant dismissal and no notice.

I don’t know how we’re going to cope. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I’ve been working extra shifts to try and pay for this wedding and doing 50 hours some weeks and now it’s all for nothing as the money saved will be wiped out in lost wages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newname2505 · 07/10/2019 14:10

Fund not find. I do wish mumsnet let you edit posts.

OP posts:
weeblueberry · 07/10/2019 14:11

Depending on what the gross misconduct was, this might be making me wonder whether I wanted to actually marry him at all...

Fisharesexierthanme · 07/10/2019 14:13

We need so so much more info.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 07/10/2019 14:16

I'm so sorry. That sounds really tough.

Do you want to share what they did?

Echo weeblueberry that depending on what they've done perhaps you might want to reconsider if they're the person you really want to marry. Cancelling a wedding is a lot cheaper than getting a divorce.

Hugs Flowers and the biggest slab of chocolate cake coming your way to bury your face in and forget the git for 10 seconds Cake

L0bstersLass · 07/10/2019 14:16

Oh God how horrendous for you.
Totally understandable being angry in the circumstances outlined.

I imagine your partner is already feeling pretty shit and also scared - I think crying is totally understandable. My only note of caution would be to try to avoid a shouting match as that won't help at all.

Is there any chance he can get another job reasonably quickly? In a supermarket perhaps as they are likely to be ramping up seasonal work?

You have my total sympathy. What a shit situation to find yourself in.

Doyoumind · 07/10/2019 14:17

Do you still want to marry him anyway? Gross misconduct is pretty serious. He'll have to get straight out and find some work, even if it's just a bar job.

readingreadingreading · 07/10/2019 14:17

Of course you are angry and upset but remember he will be too. Depends what he did - genuine error - stupidity - deliberate fraud … on whether you should be directing your anger at him or supporting him.

Also are there any grounds for appeal - does he have 2 years service? Look into your mortgage insurance is there any cover?

Rivkka · 07/10/2019 14:18

It depends what he did to be honest he might have made. Genuine mistake

FrancisCrawford · 07/10/2019 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SorryDidISayThatOutLoud · 07/10/2019 14:22

OP, is he in a union? Even for a gross misconduct he must have known something as there would have had to be an investigation. Was he suspended before? Give a few more details and you might get some help.

Bouffalant · 07/10/2019 14:23

What did he do? Was it 100% his fault as opposed to a mistake/accident? If so you're right to be furious.

Dyrne · 07/10/2019 14:23

I echo the above posters that I would expect him to be applying for literally any job going today - if he hasn’t applied at every fast food outlet, shop, and supermarket within a 20 mile radius by the end of the day i’d be showing him the door.

Lottiebugz22 · 07/10/2019 14:29

Feel for you xx
What did he do?
I'd say see if he can sign on but if you work I don't think you'd get anything.

Livebythecoast · 07/10/2019 14:32

I'm so sorry OP - you have every right to cry and be angry.
Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 07/10/2019 14:35

Hahd he told you about what happened, or did he keep it all a secret?

HermioneWeasley · 07/10/2019 14:37

I’m so sorry

Given it’s the run up to Xmas, he should be able to get seasonal work - warehouse jobs usually pay decent hourly rates.

IncrediblySadToo · 07/10/2019 14:38

Friends what happened really

IncrediblySadToo · 07/10/2019 14:38

Bloody phone! Depends, not friends!!

Original poster
Newname2505 · 07/10/2019 14:39

100% his fault and no defence, no appeal but stupid mistake rather than deliberate.

Can’t say exactly what as there’s a confidentiality agreement in place but basically accessed personal details of a client who was also a close friend when company policies forbids you acting on behalf of friends. Complicated as this person was a client BEFOFE they were a friend and he never stopped to think that they should no longer be his client now a friendship has developed.

As it’s personal data it breaches data protection act as well so is instant dismissal.

We’re not arguing, he is devastated but it doesn’t stop me worrying and it doesn’t solve the situation.

He’s also limited as to what jobs he can take as I work shifts and so he needs childcare friendly hours. And then there’s the issue of having no reference and having to say he’s been fired. Plus anything he can find quickly is going to be a huge pay drop. He is the main earner. A supermarket temp job isn’t going to match his £28k salary.

There was a dismissal procedure yes, he was suspended and today dismissed at the hearing. I thought he’d get a warning or something but clearly not.

This is such a mess.

OP posts:
GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 14:40

"... I would expect him to be applying for literally any job going today - if he hasn’t applied at every fast food outlet, shop, and supermarket within a 20 mile radius by the end of the day i’d be showing him the door"

I am so glad I'm not married to some people on here.

Seriously?

Would you be less inclined to show me the door if you knew I work in the City now, earning well above average earnings + bonus, but after having had a period of time off from work due to mental health issues?

Should I have been working in a supermarket during that time off to prove to the likes of you that I'm "trying"?

Fortunately my DW saw the long game...

Ohnoherewego62 · 07/10/2019 14:41

You must be in shock! And very stressed too I would imagine.

Keep childrens worlds as normal as possible.

Pending on what he was fired for, could he pick up work for the Christmas season- shops etc

Has he got skills or qualifications to do anything else other than what hes been fired for.

I'd postpone the wedding if you can and see if any things are refundable or even a small deposit back.

Sounds like it was quite sudden. I'd imagine it will be difficult to process. Some reflection time then get a plan of action. Look to see where you can cancel things just for now to save a bit more money.

Sending 💐 and hoping your partner finds work soon.

Original poster
Newname2505 · 07/10/2019 14:42

And to those saying question the marriage, kick him out etc. We’ve been together 15 years and have children. I’m not going to end my relationship over this. It’s not exactly going to solve the problem either. I can’t afford our mortgage on my own. Making us homeless isn’t going to make me feel any better.

OP posts:
GinDaddy · 07/10/2019 14:45

@Newname2505

I'm so sorry to hear all this and can imagine the impact it has on you and your DCs.

Try and both keep your head up if you can. He may have made a genuine mistake. People get casual in jobs. I've worked in banking and there are of course stories about genuine compliance mistakes vs real intentional malfeasance or fraud

I'm not saying there are any grey areas whatsoever, am just showing sympathy as I doubt he would have done it if he had known the severe consequences.

We had a horrendous best part of a year where we went from a very comfortable lifestyle, to a pretty marginalised one. We coped, we got through it, it wasn't easy, I'm not even going to pretend it "brought things together", but we are here, our DCs are well, and my career is intact.

It will be ok - you both sound like resourceful folk am hoping all good things for you

alwayscauseastir · 07/10/2019 14:45

Straight into the agencies, be honest with them about the dismissal as it will come out in references. Obviously his choices will be limited as lots of companies have strict confidentiality policies, so Nhs etc be a non-starter. But once he has a few jobs under his belt, and a few more references, a new employer wouldn't need to see a reference from the place he was dismissed from, so he would have a clean slate.

My colleague did a massive data breach, simply for being nosey. He did agency work for a year, got some good references, and is now back working in the industry the was dismissed from at a branch down in the south. I'd obviously never employ him or trust him...but that's up to his new employer now.

GunpowderGelatine · 07/10/2019 14:45

I am so glad I'm not married to some people on here.

I agree Gin WTF why would someone waste their time applying to Burger King if they've previously had high paid job in finance industry for example?! Some people are fucking weirdos and think unemployment is on par with slaughtering puppies.

OP, what a shock you must have had. Get in a bottle of wine, show a little Marcy as he's no doubt feeling awful and please don't panic.