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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner was fired today

222 replies

Newname2505 · 07/10/2019 14:09

Absolutely bloody furious! We have a mortgage and children to find. Our wedding is booked and upcoming and has a balance outstanding still and it’s right before Christmas and my partner has gone and got themselves bloody fired for gross misconduct so it’s instant dismissal and no notice.

I don’t know how we’re going to cope. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I’ve been working extra shifts to try and pay for this wedding and doing 50 hours some weeks and now it’s all for nothing as the money saved will be wiped out in lost wages.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 07/10/2019 17:06

I think given that he only got the sack a couple of hours ago, it's not unreasonable to let him have a day or two to get his head round this and talk to OP and decide WTF they are going to do going forward. Applying to Burger King or Royal Mail today probably wouldn't be my number one priority. He might even be able to get some legal advice on it and be in with a chance of getting the decision overturned, or something.

Heyboyo · 07/10/2019 17:20

There are some horrible people on this thread. Gives women a bad name

Loveoddthings · 07/10/2019 17:27

And to those saying question the marriage, kick him out etc. We’ve been together 15 years and have children. I’m not going to end my relationship over this. It’s not exactly going to solve the problem either. I can’t afford our mortgage on my own. Making us homeless isn’t going to make me feel any better.

I really rate this considered response.

So at odds with so many on mumsnet

slipperywhensparticus · 07/10/2019 17:27

He should have left while he was suspended

If he grabs a low paying job while he job hunts McDonald's usually let's you work around the children and he will at least get a reference from. Them

Grandmi · 07/10/2019 17:36

Agree heybobo and loveoddthings!! Feel sorry for a few posters OH !! What happened to empathy and support? OP you really have the right approach and eventually life will get better!

DrVonPatak · 07/10/2019 17:47

Some people's responses on here sound like they have been said by the wicked witch of the west. I really hope I never have to meet you IRL, you sound grabby and vile.

OP, I'm so sorry this happened. I know for a fact that Amazon is desperate for workers this time of the year, once you get your heads around the situation. Yes to wedding postponement and a mortgage holiday. I wouldn't go ballistic on him just yet, I got made redundant 4 years ago and it triggered a massive depressive episode. Once it was through, I got a low paid job and changed my career direction by requalifying, but wouldn't have made it without my DH's understanding and support. Feel free to PM me if you need to vent to someone. Good luck.

ilovesooty · 07/10/2019 17:49

I'm sorry this has happened. There are some really unhelpful posts on this thread and I hope they haven't upset you more.

You'll naturally feel frustrated and angry but your response to other people's knee jerk reactions sounds reasonable to me. At no point did you ask for advice but most people have been all to ready to give it.

It will seem awful right now but as you say he's been foolish rather than fraudulent and I wish you the best of luck in working through this together.

timshelthechoice · 07/10/2019 17:49

Wow, even supermarkets and McDonald's have standards, they don't just hand out jobs, they are not shitty low rent last resort for the posh who have fallen on hard times Hmm.

DrVonPatak · 07/10/2019 17:51

@timshelthechoice

How unhelpful CAN you be?

Boysey45 · 07/10/2019 17:51

Even with instant dismissal there is usually a pay out. Is there? I know they pay you what they owe you but for what else? e.g? I know some employers refuse to give pensions when people have been sacked.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 07/10/2019 17:52

OP Sorry to hear your bad news.

Has your DP told you everything? Was the client who subsequently became a friend a man or a woman? Who told his company about the confidentiality breach? Was it the client/friend?

I'd be asking more questions to be honest.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 07/10/2019 17:54

I work in HR and one time someone was dismissed for fraud (pretending to be working when she was sat at home on her arse all day). She got a reference that said dismissed, but after a couple of months wrote to us to say she was really sorry and was struggling getting work and could we amend her reference. Manager didn't want to ruin her life so we did. So even if the reference says dismissed, you can always challenge this further down the line and only the most hard hearted of employers would say no.

notangelinajolie · 07/10/2019 17:56

He should appeal. Look up ACAS and go through it with a fine toothcomb. Not following disciplinary procedure, mitigating circumstances and new evidence are all grounds for appeal. It is possible to turn this round and it can be done because I did it for my DH. He really has nothing to loose at this stage.

You say it was a stupid mistake. Was he aware that he wasn't allowed to view this information? What safeguards are in place to stop employees doing this? Is there a clear company policy for this? Has he been given the correct training?

You say you were expecting a written warning? Did they tell him he could be sacked as an outcome of this disciplinary? If not then they haven't followed proper procedure.

There are a hundred and one ways his company could have messed up here - you just have to find some of them.

Good luck OP Flowers

RONNIETRIX · 07/10/2019 17:57

I understand you are upset but he made a stupid mistake ..we have all done it! He is paying the price. You just need to pull together find a way through. It will be fine. You are a couple and you work together x

Bellringer · 07/10/2019 17:57

Mortgage on interest only will save a bit in short term. You will get through this.

timshelthechoice · 07/10/2019 17:58

More than 'grab a job McDonald's and supermarkets will hire someone who's been just sacked for gross misconduct no bother', DrVon Hmm.

DrVonPatak · 07/10/2019 18:01

👖here's your judgey pants, @timeshelthechoice, you all-knowing so-and-so.

FlyGuyMyEye · 07/10/2019 18:04

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1onelyranger · 07/10/2019 18:12

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Boysey45 · 07/10/2019 18:12

Perhaps if the OP had made better career choices and life decisions then the couple would be less vulnerable to losing an income instead of relying on the man..
Worst comment on here, just kick her when shes down.
Most people with children would struggle with the loss of their partners income.The cost of living is high.

Userzzzzz · 07/10/2019 18:13

What most people forget is that if a company wanted to get rid of someone, they could easily find a reason to for most people. My friend in IT reckons most people are technically in breach of their IT policy for example but it is often just an accepted thing that is let slide (ie personal use on a work computer). It does sound like a genuine error and the OP must feel so worried.

Inlovewitharagorn · 07/10/2019 18:13

Although it's technically "gross misconduct" it doesn't sound as though he's likely to put anyone at risk in future employment. Is he a member of a union? When we have let people go for gross misconduct, we have had hearings where they bring in a union rep or another staff member as their support. Usually a reference is agreed (bland and not very informative but standard wording). At the least he should have been advised he could take in another person to the meeting and he could have asked for a reference or for this is to be a final warning as it's his first offence (and genuinely sounds like an error rather than deliberate). If it was me I'd be challenging the dismissal as it seems heavy handed. I know finances are going to feel scary at the moment but, if he's not in a union, a meeting with an employment lawyer - expensive as it sounds - might end up being worthwhile. If they think he has a case and advise claiming for unfair dismissal then your fiance may well get a decent pay-out, enough at least to mean that he can take some time to look for another suitable job.

FlyGuyMyEye · 07/10/2019 18:15

Agreed. I didn't mean it literally, was just a twist equivalent to the man hating feminists version to help them see how ludicrous they are being.

Bottom line is it sucks, they need to work together to stabilise the ship.

HugoSpritz · 07/10/2019 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PixiKitKat · 07/10/2019 18:23

People saying to appeal etc there isn't enough context to know if this would be possible.

I work in this field and it is very serious offence and if the ICO decide to, they can press charges and the person can end up with a criminal record.

I'd suggest he co operates with whatever investigation they are doing and is honest, he needs to try get a neutral reference out of this.

On another note, do you have wedding insurance?