My partner was fired today

[Newname2505]

Absolutely bloody furious! We have a mortgage and children to find. Our wedding is booked and upcoming and has a balance outstanding still and it’s right before Christmas and my partner has gone and got themselves bloody fired for gross misconduct so it’s instant dismissal and no notice.

I don’t know how we’re going to cope. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I’ve been working extra shifts to try and pay for this wedding and doing 50 hours some weeks and now it’s all for nothing as the money saved will be wiped out in lost wages.

Is it definitely the case they will not provide a reference OP? If there is some agreement, it is possible they may be willing to offfer a basic reference. How long had he worked there? He should still also be paid upto his leave date along with accrued holiday pay.

What an awful thing to happen to you both and I can understand you being angry with him but it's a stupid mistake which he will regret and you will both get through this .

Sit down and look closely at your finances. Is it possible to postpone your wedding or to do it more cheaply? See what expenditure you can cut down on. If he doesn't work for a while, he will be entitled to a tax refund in this tax year. He should contact DWP straightaway so he can get what benefits he is entitled to. I don't know if they still pay interest on a mortgage while unemployed. Obviously he needs to get back out there and look for a new job. If he has been in his job a long time and has had no other issues, if he is honest, it is possible that a new potential employer will just understand this was a stupid mistake

I think you have a right to be furious with him. He probably should have resigned while suspended but there you are.
The likes of amazon and other warehouse operations will be looking for people. He was on an average sort of salary not big bucks so anything he can find for the moment will be helpful. He can then sort a plan for 2020.

I don’t know why they put him and indeed you through all that Purgatory by suspending him.
That was just unnecessarily cruel and power trippy behaviour.
They obviously knew full they were going to fire him from the get go

I didn't mean it literally, was just a twist equivalent to the man hating feminists version to help them see how ludicrous they are being.

Yes, it's very important that they have you to educate them on this.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider That was done to follow correct policy and procedure. If they didn't do that, there could be comeback on them. It's standard.

Thanks to those who have given advice. My immediate task is going to be reducing outgoings ASAP. A mortgage break isn’t possible as we only bought the house 3 months ago so the LTV is too high. We do have wedding insurance though so there is potentially a way of receiving a refund there.

To those saying appeal etc. He can appeal but there is absolutely no chance it will be overturned. I’ve given a brief outline but it’s more complicated than that and happened over years (the friendship) rather than a one time thing. Yes he had to access the data for work and wasn’t just being nosy but he should no longer have had this client.

Friend also hasn’t complained, it came about because of an event where my partner invited friend along and his manager was also there. The friend is a big client and known to the manager. That’s the point the friendship became known. My partner hadn't hid it but hadn’t recognised that a conflict of interest had developed to act on it.

There is also no way the company haven’t followed correct procedure either. They are legal experts, they know employment law well and they know it can come back on them if they don’t do this perfectly.

Yes he was fired with nothing. No pay, no notice, losing benefits etc. This is standard for gross misconduct and as a previous poster mentioned actually could have been more serious had the company chose to take this further as it breaches the data protection act.

The reference issue is still being debated, I’m not sure it will help having a basic reference though when applying for other jobs as informing them where he worked will make them question why he’s applying for this job. Think a qualified doctor applying for Royal Mail. I’m thinking it would be better to miss this job off his CV altogether but is he allowed to do this?

Does he have to declare he was fired if they don’t ask? He is going to speak to some agencies in the morning and try and find anything for now with a view to re-enter his field. His field isn’t one where you apply and start work quickly though. It takes months of referencing and checks etc. after you employment offer so he needs something in between.

He has also suggested using his credit card in the meantime which will get us though but then is getting into debt wise when we don’t know when he will be earning at his previous level again.

To the rude poster who suggested I should have a ‘better’ job to not rely on my partners income. I’m sorry that the NHS pay shit wages but it is what it is. Maybe when someone is working their arse off to save your life one day you can let them know how they should have made better choices as well.

Thanks to those helpful posters. Feeling less like the walls are collapsing around me now.

Ah, he was fired today. Well he is going to be upset, feel stupid, feel sorry....that's natural. You are also quite natural to be annoyed. However he may get another decent job, don't give up hope.

Regarding the wedding, will parents help you pay for it?

I hope everything works out for you.

A lot of people on this thread are very ignorant about Disciplinary procedures. If you're considered any kind of risk in the workplace you'll be suspended on full pay whilst an investigation is carried out, then it goes to a hearing. Throughout you will be advised that the sanction can be up to and including instant dismissal for gross misconduct. If you're sacked you're entitled to appeal within a certain timeframe. You are NOT entitled to any kind of "pay out". You will only get the wages and holiday pay you're due, nothing more. In most cases you will be denied any benefits including contribution based JSA for up to 6 months.

It's a truly horrible and devastating process to go through. My heartfelt sympathy OP, I hope you and your family can get through this xx

@shebertsaucer

Thanks for that really helpful and constructive comment. He’s actually masters degree educated and I would argue him bringing along the friend actually shows that he genuinely didn’t know that what he was doing was an issue. If he ‘hid’ the friend then it would be obviously malicious and a deliberate flouting of the rules rather than a genuine oversight. I would love to live in your world where only stupid people make mistakes and the smart people are perfection itself!

SherbetSaucer
Really? I mean that's just unnecessary isn't it.
OP I know you say that the firm are legal hotshots but it doesn't mean that there aren't any loopholes. I mean it seems obvious but was he explicitly told that if becomes friends with a client he has to be removed from their case/file?
If it is not stated in company policy or he has had to sign a code of conduct etc, is there no way that he could plead ignorance?

Ignore the arsey comments op, unfortunately AIBU gets the most traffic which is why people post here rather than other sections where comments will be more genuinely supportive.

The downside is there is a higher contingent of pricks.

OP Just to clarify, I work in a field where a colleague disclosed information to the press (not whistleblowing - about a high profile client).
Whilst obvious to most people that this is unacceptable, because it was an implied expectation, no-one had ever told him that he couldn't do this. And so the gross misconduct became a final warning.
And of course policy was changed so that no longer implied expectation but an explicit expectation.

@Boysey45

"Even with instant dismissal there is usually a pay out. Is there? I know they pay you what they owe you but for what else? e.g? I know some employers refuse to give pensions when people have been sacked."
Really? Do I understand you correctly? So are you saying an employee contributes to a pension scheme, gets sacked and their employer decides to tell their pension trustees they cannot pay that money out to that employee on reaching retirement age? Is that legal?

OP i’m glad to hear you’re feeling a bit calmer and are getting plans in place. I’m sorry for my knee jerk flippant original comment made without the full facts - your partner sounds like a good bloke that’s made a cock up but is working hard to make sure the impact is mitigated

Having an MA isn’t a reflection on intelligence or common sense what he did was stupid there is no point arguing with posters about that. I hope he can get a job soon good luck to you, I assume if he is on 28k that your mortgage isn’t that large so hopefully your monthly payments are low enough for you to manage until he gets another job. Rubbish rubbish timing really hope it all works out for the best for you Op.

Bless you OP. Sending lots of love and strength xxx

If I were you I'd cancel the wedding and just have a quickie ceremony. With a big family celebration at a later stage, when times are better for you (after all it's about the commitment of marriage and not the big wedding etc.). It really is very silly to be working 50 hours a week to pay for a wedding (especially when you have family with kids etc.) perhaps you need to rethink your priorities?

Hopefully he will get a job pronto (even a job as a waiter or bar staff will help cover the mortgage, while he continues looking)

Lessons learnt and a massive test on your relationship, wishing you all lots of strength though I hope you work it all out.

Does he have any good contacts from his job OP - where he could try and find something on good will as opposed to references?

You're in for a massive lifestyle change here. He's effectively dropped to the bottom of the career ladder here, and it's going to be a slow climb back up. He needs to be taking the lead here in making things happen rather than sitting back and feeling sorry for himself.

You sound a lovely supportive partner.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Is it possible to make any changes to the wedding where you can save money? I appreciate this may not be possible if the wedding is soon.

Definitely together look at your expenses for day to day living and consider areas you can save money ie changing supermarkets/energy suppliers etc

I'm sorry, but all those saying he shouldn't be looking for any job straight away, are you on glue?
Once you are sacked for gross misconduct it is so hard to find work.
Burger King is the way forward, he'll get a reference.
Doubt Post Office would have him, tbh.
He has kids, they are down 28k he needs a job, any job, yesterday.
HTH.

Can he do any consulting or freelancing in the meantime? By what you say I gather he’s in either finance or law - plenty of demand from start ups for consultants for this type of work.

Check out something like people per hour - it’s not a great long term thing - but to get a bit of cash coming in it could come in useful.

Idontwanttotalk Yes you can lose your pension when dismissed for gross misconduct. I've heard of the Police doing this when officers have really done something terrible, so it must be legal.

OP, take a couple of days to get your heads round this change in circumstances. It might seem like it today, but this is not the end of the world. An appeal sounds worth while, in order to get a reference. Once he knows he has a reference he can look for another suitable post. In the meantime, arrange a mortgage holiday and postpone the wedding, as frankly neither of you need that extra stress at the moment.