My partner was fired today

[Newname2505]

Absolutely bloody furious! We have a mortgage and children to find. Our wedding is booked and upcoming and has a balance outstanding still and it’s right before Christmas and my partner has gone and got themselves bloody fired for gross misconduct so it’s instant dismissal and no notice.

I don’t know how we’re going to cope. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I’ve been working extra shifts to try and pay for this wedding and doing 50 hours some weeks and now it’s all for nothing as the money saved will be wiped out in lost wages.

Hi OP was just thinking, with certain types of insurance such as home contents insurance, they often offer free legal advice as one of the policy benefits. It might be worth looking at your policy and seeing if they offer that and give them a call if they do. You might get some useful advice from there

I know because similar happened to my son, however in 10 years he has grown a small empire and of course is very sensible with sensitive info.
He got a job delivering for Asda and then a job working with money/expensive jewels etc as a driver and security.
Because he proved himself capable of managing this, including jewels/accessories for Kate and William, he is doing alright now.
Own business and several properties.

Your dh has to start at the bottom, asap. He needs to take responsibility and the consequences of his actions.
It's done now, he'll learn and it's sad.
However, you need food and a roof, so he needs a job.

The credit card idea is a really, really bad one as you don't yet know how or when you'll be able to pay it back. It's the most expensive way to borrow money apart from payday loans and loan sharks. A credit card can also make you feel quite rich, until you reach the limit.

Better to cut outgoings to the bone and see how little you can actually live on, I think. Him being at home for a bit will help, as there will be no travel costs and office lunches to cover. He can do some creative slow cooking with cheap ingredients, too.

When he's finished pouring it all out and you've finished listening supportively, why not brainstorm ideas for getting by on less?

DH and I tried last year to see whether two could eat on £10 a week because some Conservative party official in Bath had helpfully tweeted you could, based on what Jack Monroe did years back with a toddler.

We tried, including some loopy stuff like cutting up 15 budget fishfingers equally to make two meals. Making carrot soup for three lunches from a kilo of carrots was more successful. We concluded you cannot feed two on £10 a week. £15 you can, though. Nobody can eat or drink anything out, though, ever.

What you do about the wedding depends how close you are to paying for it. What if you asked your guests to give money as presents? Might you recoup enough to pay off the balance?

I'm really sorry about the whole messy situation and just wish your DP had been paying more attention the day his training covered conflict of interest. 😕

Op has your husband been represented. He needs legal advice as what you have described doesn't sound like a breach of the dpa or a gross misconduct offence to me. Of course there may be more to it - are they alleging corruption?

It is pretty normal for people to end up friends with clients.

You may have legal expenses insurance on your home insurance by the way. 100% fight this as it may get you an agreed reference at the very least.

See what he does/how he reacts to this awful situation. Mine? Drunk loads, spent the £10k pay off for being let go on booze, physically assaulted me and now works on a building site cash in hand. How he responds to what has happened will tell you volumes about who he really is - I left mine.

OP, sorry for the situation your DP has found himself in.

He sounds like he’s on the ball; talking to agencies in the morning.
What I would say is that he approaches his mate / client, is that allowed? Has a beer and tells him what happened.
If the friend is a big client, maybe he will have contacts in the field / an associated field and help your DP out.

@Newname2505 from a reference perspective does your husband have any leverage with training/policy documents that the company can prove he's read/completed that outlines conflict of interest as a noteworthy point that requires reporting to management?

I only ask because my company makes everyone complete conduct training with an attached declaration and this sort of scenario is expressly outlined in 3 different ways to makes sure it's explicitly understood.

If there's been a failure to train/inform your husband it may give him some scope for a clean reference rather than one that confirms gross misconduct. I appreciate this is straw clutching but it might be worth looking into.

Best of luck to you both.

@Octonaught I thought the same but he’s not allowed to speak to the client, any other employees (even ones he was friends with outside work) at all. I was hoping he could get a statement from the friend stating they were happy to be a client of a friend and would have considered transferring to a different company if my partner had dismissed him as a client.

What a situation. Very sorry.
You are right, first thing is to reduce to a max the expenses. And this might include the wedding. See if loss of job is covered by wedding insurance and claim back all money spent. Postpone wedding.

Start selling stuff as well to have some cash and I know finding a job around childcare will be hard, but meanwhile, he should start looking and bringing home any money he can.

If he is master educated and competent in his field, is it a subject he could tutor for? Economics?

Sorry Op I know you don’t want to go into the details but I’m confused.

Maybe there’s a breach of a code of conduct where you have to declare a conflict of interest but that’s not GDPR related.

How is a friendship defined? Becoming friends after already having a work relationship suggests your partner is good at building relationships.

As for accessing personal details whilst at work for work reasons even if there’s a friendship, I don’t see how that’s a breach and usually any breach relates to sensitive data which is quite specifically defined.

I am wondering if the company is being over zealous and your partner should get some advice and challenge this.

Appreciate you might be holding back info as it’s sensitive but it sounds like there are two separate points here. The company can notify of a potential GDPR breach if there might have been one without firing.

Is the code of conduct clear about what can lead to a dismissal and say if you become friends with a client you need to declare it else you get the chop?

Uk employment tribunals are quite employee friendly and don’t really cost too much. Worth checking the dismissal is legit.

This sounds like a couple of things being muddled and a knee jerk reaction. Or do you think the company was looking for a reason to get rid of him?

@CreatedBySombra

He last attended the training 3 years ago so yes it is discussed but not regularly. It also refers to examples of people that are already friends and not people that later become friends. My partner has just pointed out that living in a tiny rural village as we do would mean that he knows most people locally and where does the line of ‘friend’ start as the policy could mean he can have any of our local area as clients. He states neither he nor the friend have benefited as a result of them being friends and the company has not been negatively affected in any way which are the reasons why friends are forbidden as it would be possible for my partner to offer additional benefits, fee discounts etc. but he never has.

I don’t understand the data revaluations stuff but the dismissal states it was a breech if company policy and breach of data protection regulations. It doesn’t mention GDPR. It is sensitive information accessed but with the consent of the client, never without. I am being vague on some things which I’m aware makes it hard sorry.

It all seems very harsh when neither he nor the client have benefited.

Can he get good references from elsewhere? How long has he been there? If not too long could he hide it as a career break/looking after kids break? Or is the industry too small and he’d be found out?

Guess other option is to be totally honest and spin it as a learning point?

My husband was sacked twice in the space of about three years, many moons ago.

Neither time was his fault, but try telling anyone that. Anyone would think, well, once us bad luck but twice? He must have done something wrong.

I know he didn't because both times I represented him at tribunal and read all the letters, statements, policies etc back to front.

The worst thing for him was the stain on his reputation. He's hardworking, loyal, very clever; but just a cog in a wheel to large companies and noone really cared about the effect it had on him.

It was hard. We came through it, though. And he got another job. And his reputation is stronger than ever.

It seems like the end of the world, but it will be okay xxxxx

Is it really that easy to just walk into a mcjob, as people seem to think?? I think if I was hiring for shelf stackers or burger flippers, I would be hiring someone possibly without qualifications but has enthusiasm, or should the Executives get all the jobs????
I'm not trying to be funny but is there anyway we can knock on the door and ask for Rodney Real??

OP it sounds a bit harsh to me, you don't say whether your dp was represented at the hearing. A pp suggests he looks at whether you have legal insurance and he can appeal and this seems like sound advice.

I thought the same but he’s not allowed to speak to the client, any other employees (even ones he was friends with outside work) at all. I was hoping he could get a statement from the friend stating they were happy to be a client of a friend and would have considered transferring to a different company if my partner had dismissed him as a client.

I've got to confess I don't know the first thing about employment and laws and all that stuff but I don't understand this? How can they stop him from talking to anyone? I could understand if he was currently suspended that that might be the case, but now he's officially lost his job what can happen to him if he contacts anyone? Surely he can't be arrested for telling his friend he was sacked?

Op have you considered calling acas about the situation??

A few thoughts based on my experience ( I have been through this myself)

When my husband was sacked, he was entitled to JSA immediately. You are entitled to benefits if you are sacked (just not if you leave a job). That was six years ago so it might have changed. But at the very least, phone them tomorrow to find out

Your husband may as well appeal his dismissal using the company's internal proceedure (he should get a letter or something confirming his dismissal and detailing their appeals procedure). It will cost him nothing to appeal. I highly doubt he will get his job back or anything like, but it will give him a chance to put his case across again to a different manager, who at the very least might agree a reference. You might as well, you have nothing to lose.

Once you have gone through the company's internal appeals procedure, you might as well just look into a tribunal. To be honest, if they followed procedure properly he may not have much of a chance of winning, but it does sound as if they were very heavy handed indeed, and your husband does have quite a good argument that he did not know it was wrong.

To fill in the forms and start the ball rolling is completely free for you. Costs are only incurred once you hire solicitors. If you apply to a tribunal you will be assigned a mitigator from ACAS who will try to negotiate with your husband's ex employer - they might be able to get you a good reference and a few quid to drop the case. You never know. You have nothing to lose by looking into it and filling in the form

No advice op, but just wanted to wish you and your dp good luck with everything, a horrible upsetting time for both of you.🤞 it will all be ok.

Is it really that easy to just walk into a mcjob, as people seem to think??

No, but on MN these jobs are seen as crap and low value so it's thought you can just walk into them when you get sacked because they're not the type of thing one would deign to do long-term.

NO idea what you're on about, DrVon, but might want to read the Talk Guidelines because you're skating close to a personal attack but hey, don't let that stop you with the 'so and so' language.

Hi OP, my heart goes out to you and DP tonight. I'm not so good at philosophising, but when life deals you a shit hand, its how you respond that will determine your future success career wise and in your relationship. You and DP sound like a couple who will pull through. Good luck

Newname I'd avoid using a credit card if at all possible, it can be a real downward spiral.

I thought the same thing as @FurrySlipperBoots. His employer has done its worst, it has no jurisdiction over him now.

So sorry you’ve had to endure some of the crass shit on this thread @Newname2505. I hope he finds a job appropriate to his skills and qualifications very soon. He’s lucky to have someone as level headed and supportive as you by his side.