My partner was fired today

[Newname2505]

Absolutely bloody furious! We have a mortgage and children to find. Our wedding is booked and upcoming and has a balance outstanding still and it’s right before Christmas and my partner has gone and got themselves bloody fired for gross misconduct so it’s instant dismissal and no notice.

I don’t know how we’re going to cope. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I’ve been working extra shifts to try and pay for this wedding and doing 50 hours some weeks and now it’s all for nothing as the money saved will be wiped out in lost wages.

@SVRT19674 if she said it in the capacity of anything other than a GP receptionist then it was extremely inappropriate. Of course the mother of @Lulualla boyfriend should be sacked.

I had an abortion aged 16 and my mum, who was a secretary to an oncologist (so no involvement in women's health at all) found out by snooping at my medical records one day. I wish I'd got her the sack!

To me this all now depends on how he now behaves.

He needs to be applying all relevant jobs possible. Of to the job centre to understand if there are any benefits/job seekers etc he could be getting to help financially. Even if you are earning too much he gets his NI paid while being out of work.

He also needs to be lightening your load as much as possible while job seeking too.

My husband didn't get past probation on one job and I suspected it was due to his drinking. He wouldn't sign on for job seekers as they expect to see you are trying to get work. He found it too stressful - we aren't together as I couldn't respect him not working

And I get your point me supermarket jobs but my view is any income is better then zero income.

Dyrne no wonder male suicide is through the roof with attitudes like this around. The poor bugger made a mistake trying to help a friend and has had the book thrown at him. Carry on being supportive OP, and with a bit of persistence, in a few years time you'll look back and be proud about how you managed to navigate this obstacle and become closer as a result.

I work a very highly paid job currently. If I lost it, you bet your arse I would be trying to get anything in the meantime to keep paying the mortgage and keeping food on the table.

I work in education in a highly undersubscribed profession. Maybe the OP's OH does similarly. If I got sacked I'd find another job in my profession before I got a job in Burger King so I wouldn't bother applying. How ridiculous to say if he didn't make pointless applications she should leave him. Don't forget this is real people you're giving advice to

I would definitely try to appeal. Was he represented at the hearing? Was there a union involved? I think you have to throw everything you can at that and possibly go down unfair dismissal route. It might not achieve anything but he has to try what he can given the enormous stake.

I work in education in a highly undersubscribed profession.

I was just thinking that. easier to get a job as a headteacher here than a job in burger king (for those suitable qualified). Very hard to get minimum wage jobs but a shortage of applicants in the professions.

UBER?

Self employed and so could say the left to start his own business. I know a few very white collar workers who Uber evenings and weekends.

Maybe it would be worth speaking to your mortgage company for some sort of temporary arrangement.

Male suicide is "through the roof" because they are not as adaptable as women. They don't deal with the same amount of shit as the average woman. Yes some men have it very shitty indeed, I'm not saying all are "privileged" but male coping mechanisms are again different to female ones.

And taking about male privilege does mean all are rich and entitled and have it easy. It simply means they already operate in areas and situations where women are historically excluded and sidelined. They have no additional barrier to overcome. They are male and the original default is male first.

So your emotive drop in about male suicide is just hyperbole.

I think that the people saying find a job any job to keep money coming in would apply that to the female in the relationship also.

I’ve had jobs with access to personal data. It’s possible this was an unfair dismissal. People develop friendly relationships with clients. They Occasionally even end up with a friend becoming a client by chance in a way that is not related to the friendship. In either of those scenarios, I would still be allowed to do my job. Having coffee with someone doesn’t suddenly mean I can’t open their record when doing so appears on my list of assigned tasks.

What I am explicitly banned from doing is opening a record when it is not necessary for my work. That is true of any record, whoever it belongs to.

If it is simply a case of the company saying he developed a friendship a client and that is not ok, then it might be worth fighting because a gross misconduct dismissal can cause problems.

I don't think the mortgage company would be interested in a payment holiday if there is a pot of savings there for the wedding.

He won't be entitled to UC for about 6 months. They sanction you if you got fired, and won't pay out.

And regarding getting a minimum wage job, it's only for a (hopefully) short period of time. Retail, as well as other businesses, are currently recruiting for temp xmas staff. When bills need paying, you don't have the luxury of being snobby about what jobs you apply for, and nobody's suggesting that he doesn't also apply for jobs in his current field at the same time, but it might be months before he gets a job in his field. OP has already said her wages are not enough to run the house, so how else are the bills supposed to be paid?

Right OP. No words about the job situation, other posters have commented/judged enough.

Ring the bank. Can you get a payment holiday to reduce your mortgage payments? Contact your wedding venue today. You need to postpone the wedding - not cancel, postpone - you've been together years so a few extra months wait is nothing. Ring up all your utility providers - what can you cut down/reduce/cancel immediately to save money?

Practicalities first. He'll get a job, sooner rather than later hopefully. In the meantime you need to make some cutbacks.

OP, I think people were meaning if he isn't looking for any job right now then are you sure you want to marry him.

Christ Jesus!! The woman posted an hour ago that her partner was fired TODAY and people are saying if he's not looking for work she should reconsider marrying him???!

This is an ongoing, de eloping situation. It's happening NOW. It's not like he was fired last week and is sitting on his arse ever since. It has literally JUST HAPPENED.

I'm not surprised divorce rates are high and there are so many separates families in the country if the go to advice on here for every single problem in a relationship is "dump him".

I hope the majority of posters here are actually 14/15 year old girls.

OP, don't panic. You are entitled to be upset but this is all just happening now. Things will work out. You're going to have a tough few weeks working through it but it's not the end of the world. He's not going to be unemployed for the rest of his life.

Take a bit of time to get this out of your system and then see what you can do for the next step. You'll be OK.

Maybe it would be worth speaking to your mortgage company for some sort of temporary arrangement.

Good idea. You might be able to arrange a payment holiday for a few months.

Also, check out Moneysavingexpert.com for ways to reduce your bills.

sorry OP sounds like a horrible time.

I think i'd be looking to downsize the wedding where ever possible or postpone if it comes to it but it is early days & it is possible he could find something fairly quickly. Give it a week to sink in & see where the land lies before doing anything drastic

To all those posters suggesting OP should dump her husband if he doesn’t get a job immediately as a binman/burger flipper I think you need to remember that you are talking to real people here. You don’t know the entire situation and that’s quite a flippant comment to make!!
Losing your job is really stressful and people can take it really badly, adding a tonne of bricks on your partner’s back when he’s down on the kerb abd needs support is pretty awful and is not going to help your relationship nor his self esteem ...
btw it’s prob too late for OP now and wouldn’t work in gross misconduct cases, but unemployment insurance could be helpful for 1 income households..

"Some people are fucking weirdos and think unemployment is on par with slaughtering puppies."

A few years ago when my wife was made redundant - Scientist with a MSc - my sister wrote her a letter telling her that she should get a cleaning job, because her job was obviously too specialised.

Mumsnet at its best telling you to leave him. I often think that the people on here don’t understand the ups and downs of a long term committed relationship, I often eye roll at some of the replies to problems like this.

It’s a completely shit situation and I’m sorry he’s put you in such a difficult position with so many financial commitments. I think you just need to think about this constructively, put your anger aside and help him find some work pronto. He made a stupid mistake and he knows that but he can’t change it, try to help him rather than shout at him. I hope he can get something soon, even if it’s just something with an agency. They tend to be a bit more relaxed about references etc. I did some temp work out of uni (quite a few years ago granted) and they never checked for references.

You need to check on the benefit calculators OP if he is entitled to anything at all. I think it might be new style JSA he would claim due to his national insurance record not universal credit. I'm not fully sure.
The CAB will also be able to help you with this or welfare rights, whatever you have in your city.

He only accessed one client's records and they sacked him? His friend must have made a complaint to have taken it this far.

Did he mention his friend's detail to him when he was no longer dealing with his account?

There is more to this.

I know of an NHS employee who had a very inappropriate nose in a neighbour's medical records. She never mentioned what she knew to the neighbour - but she got caught and she got a final written warning ( i would have sacked them as it was on purpose!)

Had your DH been warned about this already and still access the record?

Did he have representation at the hearing?

Can he appeal? Has he spoken to ACAS?

I am not advocating what he has done but if he looked at 1 record and never talked about it and he looked at it in error and did not receive appropirate training on what he can/cannot access - this does seem an excessive response.

The guy needs your support today. The next few days, weeks and maybe months he may need reminding of the family requirement for n income, but don't guilt trip the poor bastard straight away.

Flirty I don't think it is hyperbole at all. I am not suggesting that OPs DP is on the brink, I'm just trying to remind the poster who suggested leaving him if he hasn't applied for 20 McJobs in the first 12 hours after being dismissed that male suicide is high, and pressure to deliver financially is right up there with the top reasons why. The guy needs his partner now more than ever.

@Lulualla do you not remember the Richard Hammond scandal? The newspapers knew intimate details of his care and condition. People from secretaries to consultants had gone into his medical record when they had absolutely no need to. They were all sanctioned, although I don't believe any were dismissed. So in your case, absolutely she shouldn't have been in your record and would have been disciplined had you complained. Unfortunately years ago, Lloyd George records meant this could not be detected, nowadays the nhs smartcard records every individual accessing a record even if its for a matter of seconds.

Nevertheless, I do agree with some posters about an appeal. reading what people say about him not understanding how the ground lies, forming relationships etc, with some support he could have good grounds. He would also be able to get the basic reference, as others have suggested.

In his boots I would be registering on as many agencies as possible to at least get some money coming into the house. That way he would also hopefully get a recent job reference if he's with a company long enough.