My partner was fired today

[Newname2505]

Absolutely bloody furious! We have a mortgage and children to find. Our wedding is booked and upcoming and has a balance outstanding still and it’s right before Christmas and my partner has gone and got themselves bloody fired for gross misconduct so it’s instant dismissal and no notice.

I don’t know how we’re going to cope. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I’ve been working extra shifts to try and pay for this wedding and doing 50 hours some weeks and now it’s all for nothing as the money saved will be wiped out in lost wages.

Op...it is what it is. Breath deeply sleep if you can...tomorrow another day. Suggect your dp gets a temp job, get some work experience so no referrences from job he in now re data protection. Silly stupid mistake but he human. Life tomorrow will continue. Huge hugs and choc cake tonight x

It might be worth asking about a payment holiday from the mortgage or at least talking to them to see if they can help.
Cancel or postpone the wedding seems like a good idea.

Won’t the friend realise what has happened and try to contact dh? Especially as you live in a small village.

I also agree about going to the union. What is the worst that can happen?

Did the employer maintain a conflict of interests register with regular reminders to all staff to keep it updated ? If not, would that constitute a compliance breach or a failure on the employers part to fulfil training and competency obligations? Might possibly be used as leverage to at least agree a reference.

First up, cancel the wedding. You can reschedule when you're both back on your feet. Most important thing is that you're both OK. He's probably in shock and embarrassed, as much as you are furious.

Sorry OP. Don't listen to the LTB brigade. Some of them live with their cats and never see light other than the glow from their laptops.

Anyway, hopefully your DP finds something soon.

Look for free legal advice, house insurance, ACAS or union, see if they can give you any help. Is their any way that he could work self employed as a contractor or consultant? Could he lecture with his MA subject?

Some really mean people on here.

Incredibly harsh to fire him in those circumstances, like you said he didn't seem to be aware of the conflict of interest. Maybe you should consider legal advice, don't be put off by his employers being 'legal experts'.
Good luck.

Sometimes things happen for a reason but you just don’t know what

At this moment in time there is not much point in being angry.
He will be angry enough and embarrassed for the both of you.

People often go through tough times financially due to unforeseen circumstances but they make it through them together

Sit down, talk, be calm, minimise outgoings, make a plan.

Is it really that easy to just walk into a mcjob, as people seem to think?? I think if I was hiring for shelf stackers or burger flippers, I would be hiring someone possibly without qualifications but has enthusiasm, or should the Executives get all the jobs????

Loads of middle-class professionals assume that they would just walk into a job in retail or catering if they chose to. They're wrong, and it's quite insulting to those doing the job, but that's what people think. When it looked like my academic research contract wasn't going to be renewed due to funding issues once loads of people told me to 'just work in a shop for a bit, to tide yourself over' - as if shops were just falling over themselves to employ people with a PhD but no retail experience. I might as well have put a sign over my head saying 'I will leave on no notice as soon as I find something else'.

I thought the same but he’s not allowed to speak to the client, any other employees (even ones he was friends with outside work) at all. I was hoping he could get a statement from the friend stating they were happy to be a client of a friend and would have considered transferring to a different company if my partner had dismissed him as a client.

If they've dismissed him then I really don't understand how they can dictate who he is allowed to speak to. The contract between them is ended. Unless he has signed some sort of gagging order which is dependent on a settlement, which you've already said he won't be getting.

If they have dismissed him then he is free to talk to whoever he wants to whenever he wants to. It can't do any harm for him to talk to the client you refer to and explain what has happened.

I'm no expert OP but I would think it would not hurt to get legal opinion on his dismissal, just to be sure. If the Client hasn't complained, then it appears the Manager has acted inappropriately and extreme.

At worst Partner should have been removed from managing the Client, at best an official warning interview backed by a formal letter from his employer.

I really think your Partner's former employer has gone too far.

You have my full sympathies * as it's a big shock.
Obviously you can't tell us all the ins & outs of what happened but it does sound a bit OTT even strange that your DP was sacked instead of being given a written warning/final written warning.
Personally I would let the friend know what has happened, maybe he could intervene? After all your DP's employer wouldn't be happy if one of their biggest clients walked because of this.
Definitely explore all avenues.
I get the feeling that the employer supplies the client friends company with something & that because of your DP's mistake it could infer commercial favouritism or advantage, which if a similar company knew about could possibly trigger an investigation by a professional standards organisation or something or even a legal investigation.
Obviously I don't expect you to answer.
Good luck 💐

I've been in a similar position (DH dismissed-ish, long story and not really relevant apart from he came home one day without a job any more, pretty out of the blue) and it is overwhelmingly stressful but this is as bad as it gets - it's up from here.

As a previous poster said I think he should be entitled to JSA straight away and they are quite good in that they will keep paying that for X time without you having to take a job on less money than your previous salary.

Reduce outgoings ASAP and get on to recruitment agencies.

I would really advise against missing the job off the CV altogether (we were tempted - DH was in his role less than 6 months) and say front it up. Yes, some places will not take him on because of it, but the truth always comes out and he's better to hold his hands up and explain that he has DEFINITELY learned his lesson. Honestly, in a hiring situation I would see someone like him as a low risk of doing something like that again.. he has a real awareness and knowledge of data protection now! All he needs is ONE place to give him a chance. People make mistakes and if he shows he is only human, someone will take a punt on him.

When my DH was job hunting he did end up getting very very down, and our relationship suffered as I begrudged going out to work all day knowing he was at home. I know it's easier said than done but try to keep the communication up, and show your resentment (which you are entitled to feel) as little as possible.

Good luck, and in however many months you will look back on this as a test that you passed life isn't smooth!!

So sorry you are in this situation. Doesn't sound like he did it on purpose, this friend must be feeling pretty bad knowing he's now lost his job because of their friendship.
Fist things first, ring all your creditors, mortgage company etc, tell them you have massive income drop, and see if anyone can help. It's always better to tell them your going to struggle to pay, rather than not pay and get demand letters. Most finance companies have a financial hardship process to help people.
As for the wedding, u less he lands a job tomorrow, can it be postponed? Would you be able to change the date with the venue and not lose what you have already paid?
If you are not already in receipt of benefits, get down the CAB and find out what you are entitled too, but I fear as he was sacked there will be a gap in-between his job ending and being entitled to benefits....I remember that from EastEnders when Denise lost her job, and as she walked out in the end she had to wait weeks to claim anything.
Good luck, you will get through this xx

DH was sacked not that long after we started going out (and it wasn't some burning injustice - he was sacked for being crap at the job and clearly hating it, which he did). It was very different because we didn't even live together, let alone have children, so I was in no way financially entangled with him, so I won't pretend to know what that's like. But I do remember saying to him 'one day this will just be a story about a thing that once happened to you' - and nearly ten years later, as he's very happily and successfully working in a totally different career that is much better suited to him, it turns out I was right. It is just a story now - and even a slightly funny one (though, again, we were young and responsibility free so the stakes were lower).

If his friend knows about the dismissal now, can he network for your husband and try to put in a good word with his contacts for him?
Sorry you are going through this OP.

you need a lawyer not a wedding, this wasn't a breach of data protection according to what you've written

He should still have a right to appeal. Tell him to ring ACAS for advice.

There may have been something in the procedure that could still be challenged which would encourage the company to reach a settlement agreement (e.g was he given the right to be accompanied at the Hearing?) If not that's automatic unfair dismissal. I think it's definitely worth investigating that.

He should still get a standard reference that doesn't mention the circumstances of his departure so please dont panic about that.

I am so sorry OP. I know exactly how you feel.

My husband was sacked for gross misconduct too. It happened back in 2016. Basically he flat out lied to his MD claiming he had left files that he needed to submit before a deadline, down south at a hotel he'd been staying in that week (we live in the north). My husband created this whole story because he had basically been lazy, not completed the files and basically wanted an extension aka work on them over the weekend and submit them on the Monday morning.

The files were super important and contained sensitive company information so obviously, his MD contacted the hotel my husband had used by using my DH's company credit card info and it basically went from there. He was caught in his lie and instead of submitting the files on the Monday morning, he was basically sacked instead. I was so furious. We were left without his wage and no car (our car was his company car) so no way for me to get to work (we live rurally) plus he had no way of attending job interviews and such. He was the breadwinner so we were colossally screwed. It has taken us until last year to finally get him back to a decent salary.

It's frustrating because you can't believe he would gamble with his family and livelihood like that. It truly is heartbreaking. I would say do what my husband did and get straight on at the agencies and keep low for at least a year. No company can give a bad reference, just refuse to give one instead so it acts like a nod is as good as a wink really.

Is there no way he can get around not giving them as a reference? Does he know someone still friendly with him within the company who can act as his point of contact?

but it doesn't mean that there aren't any loopholes

I agree with theunknownunknown

And I don't agree with the LTB sentiments or the 'get a job at Burger King' brigade either.

I hate injustice and just a few weeks ago this happened to my DP. I got the bit between my teeth and found that loophole. But you know the situation better than us and I am sure you have it covered.

You know your DP and what's best for you and your family. Me and my DH have had all kinds of set backs and all kind of shit has happened in our lives (including this) and it has just made us stronger. I wish you both well and all the best for your wedding

I feel so sad for you and him, op. I'm not much use at giving advice about things like this; do you have any insurance policies you could cash in to help with expenses while he is looking for another job? Would parents help prop you up for a while?

You can still get married at the registrar, have a big party when you're back on your feet. Actually getting married would give your partner some confidence, it would be proof that you are firmly committed to him. The marriage is more important than the wedding after all.

Good advice from others about him applying for job seekers allowance straight away and they may have specialist employment people at the office who can help and advise him.

All the very best of luck to both of you for the future, I'm sure it will work out eventually, your partner is not a bad person, he was just naive by the sound of it.

I think once your DH has had a chance to reflect he should speak to ACAS and appeal. He needs to see if he can challenge them enough
eg training not frequently enough, examples give not directly relevant to this situation, possibly challenge if other people have made similar mistakes and dealt with less harshly, no harm to client etc.

so he can see if he can negotiate some kind of agreed departure not dismissal.

Are they fully aware of the potential impact on him? Was the disciplinary process carried out strictly in accordance with company policy and ACAS guidelines? He has nothing to lose now by pushing back. All he is aiming for is an agreed resignation and reference.

Was he fired for being friends with a client or did he actually do something with the confidential information he had access to? It's not clear to me.

The company cannot control who he is friends with after he has been fired. Also, what can they do? Does his contract have something written about this like non compete clauses? They are a bit controversial in the UK. Also he doesn't have to add this job to his CV but a gap might be bad aswell. Some no s require you to add every job including Saturday jobs and some require nothing.

But take a few days. Look into options. Talk to agencies. See the best way forward. Good luck!

here may have been something in the procedure that could still be challenged which would encourage the company to reach a settlement agreement (e.g was he given the right to be accompanied at the Hearing?) If not that's automatic unfair dismissal. I think it's definitely worth investigating that.

There are no longer any statutory prescribed requirements for a fair procedure, so I’m afraid this advice is out of date. While failure to follow a fair procedure can mean it is unfair dismissal, it’s not automatic unfair dismissal anymore.

OP, you might want to consider posting on the employment board.

I’m thinking it would be better to miss this job off his CV altogether but is he allowed to do this?

Does he have to declare he was fired if they don’t ask?

OP please tread very carefully on this. Your DH must provide all relevant facts to a future employer if, as you stated His field isn’t one where you apply and start work quickly though. It takes months of referencing and checks etc. after you employment offer...

If he is in a field that requires background checks, and he does not provide accurate info, or withholds info, then that's the equivalent of lying, because they will find out, and that will reflect badly.

It is likely he will need 1-2+ years at least to regain some stable career history. It won't wipe his record clean but he needs to re-prove himself, through agency/contract work, which is possible if he has all the qualifications. He needs to regain trust now.

So sorry this has happened to your family. Nil desperandum as they say, stick together and you'll become stronger together