My partner was fired today

[Newname2505]

Absolutely bloody furious! We have a mortgage and children to find. Our wedding is booked and upcoming and has a balance outstanding still and it’s right before Christmas and my partner has gone and got themselves bloody fired for gross misconduct so it’s instant dismissal and no notice.

I don’t know how we’re going to cope. I just want to cry and I’m so angry. I’ve been working extra shifts to try and pay for this wedding and doing 50 hours some weeks and now it’s all for nothing as the money saved will be wiped out in lost wages.

Would you be less inclined to show me the door if you knew I work in the City now, earning well above average earnings + bonus, but after having had a period of time off from work due to mental health issues?
Should I have been working in a supermarket during that time off to prove to the likes of you that I'm "trying"?
Fortunately my DW saw the long game

OP's DP was fired for gross misconduct, not for having MH issues. Time off when you're poorly is different to being fired for a foolish mistake.
OP, I'd be careful even sharing these details online, if there's a confidentiality agreement in place - depending on the terms, this might cause additional issues for your DP. My company would pursue me in court if I breached a confidentiality agreement - just something to think about.
Sorry to hear about this, it must be a real shock.

Would you be less inclined to show me the door if you knew I work in the City now, earning well above average earnings + bonus, but after having had a period of time off from work due to mental health issues?

I seem to have missed the bit where the OP said he hand mental health issues and needed time out to recover.

I read someone who had made a significant mistake at work, got fired for it and still has DC and mortgage to support. He should absolutely be looking for anything short term to fill the gap.

OP: is there any scope for negotiating a compromise agreement at least on the content of any future referee statement? If they don't believe it was with malicious intent?

This is an instant dismissal situation with most large firms who are client facing but there will often be an agreement on what either side will say.

OP, I think people were meaning if he isn't looking for any job right now then are you sure you want to marry him.
Yes, he's been stupid and that's forgivable, but there are jobs out there that he could be starting on Monday.
Cleaning, fast food, waiting on, bars, cafes, market kiosks, supermarkets. Bin man, etc.

Post Office are looking for temps over xmas, it's a foot in the door.

@Dyrne you sound lovely and supportive. Relationships are about taking the rough with the smooth. I imagine he’ll be gutted. He needs support, and they need to make a plan for going forward together.

Good luck OP.

He needs to appeal, if they don't take him back then he needs to discuss with them about getting a basic reference. They tend to just give a Mr x was employed from this date to that when someone is dismissed. Some companies just give those types of references anyway.
He'll just either have to look for alternative work which doesn't require a detailed professional reference or he could look towards retraining and going self employed.

Is there any possibility he could go back to them and agree to resign instead? Would be better for future.

Ah that does paint a clearer picture, I wouldn't leave him in those circumstances either.

Ive had jobs go horribly where I wouldn't want to all then foe a reference - temping is the way to go, as the agencies don't mind you being upfront with them and they can take a reference from a previous job. Once a temp job is under his belt he can use them as a reference. Not sure what to do about explaining why he left that job though - maybe Dr Google can help. Can he go self employed as a freelancer or consultant?

I feel very bad for him @Newname2505 people do make mistakes and by the sound of it he wasn't doing anything untoward but perhaps just didn't think of that line between friend/client. I'm surprised it wasn't a warning only as it was the first time. Confidentiality and data protection is very important of course but it seems quite harsh for a first offence when the info wasn't being used to do anything malicious. He probably needs lots of empathy right now and a sit down with where to go from here with relation to jobs, temp agencies, etc.

Post Office are looking for temps over xmas, it's a foot in the door.

Royal mail want references from Ebay employer you've ever worked for, and wouldn't touch somebody who was dismissed for breaking data protection with a bargepole. Other Xmas temp jobs won't care as much, RM definitely would!

Sorry typing to fast, no idea how all previous employers turned into ebay employer 😳

What a horrific mess. I’m sure it’s heartbreaking to go from planning your wedding to facing this, but like you said, you’ve been together 15 years and you have children. You are already TOGETHER. I’m sure your wedding, when it happens, will be beautiful. But if it’s not this Christmas, it will not lessen the love you have for each other at all. And as horrible as this situation is, going through the terrible shit often reminds me of how much my DH and I love one another to begin with: because we can count on each other.

It does sound like a terrible mistake, and I’m sure he knows he’s been horrifically foolish (I’m assuming this might be medical or billing field, and data protection is drummed into them again and again and again). It takes a lot of strength not to shout at him because I would probably lose it at least once. But that won’t get you anywhere. Is there any chance he could sign up with agencies like PPs have suggested? Despite not having a reference from this past job, does he have references from the job before it? Make sure he looks up EXACTLY what he needs to disclose, and what he doesn’t, re: what’s happened, as you never want to provide more information than necessary in this sort of situation.

I’m so sorry, OP. It’s a crap situation, and I’m sure he would give almost anything to be able to go back in time. Unfortunately, you can only go forward as best you can.

OP-I would also suggest that he appeals. A dismissal from the facts you describe seems a disproportionate response. I would be inclined to threaten taking them to an Employment Tribunal. There is little to lose in these circumstances in terms of reputation and you might be able to get some money out of them.

You have both had a horrible shock. Now light be the time to be a team rather than keep.up with the recriminations. He must be in pieces, showing support in planning a way out of it all is more likely to improve your situation than beating him up further.

People are saying work in Burger King or similar because the priority is putting money into the family unit and paying the mortgage.

Nobody says it is a long term thing, but in desperate situations you need to do things which you wouldn't normally do.

Sorry to derail but this has made me think a about something. It was 10 years ago now, but I had a boyfriend whose mum worked on a hospital. I was admitted to that hospital but not treated by her at all. She had nothing to do with my care. Next time I saw her, she was rattling off everything about my treatment and said she knew because she'd looked it up when she heard I was there. I was furious but thought she had a right too as she worked there. Could I have taken that further?

'Go and apply for a McJob' is smug, stupid advice from the sort of person who's never had to do that type of work, so ignore it OP. Someone who was in a high-paying executive job will not be taken on to stack shelves or flip burgers: the companies will be aware that anyone with professional qualifications etc will not stay. The less-good ones also don't want articulate, confident staff who are going to be aware of their rights and prepared to stand up for themselves.

I would also encourage him to appeal. Then use this process...
www.acas.org.uk/earlyconciliation

Absolutely @Lulualla - unfortunately it's likely too late now but if she was not directly involved in your care she shouldn't have touched your notes.

@Lulualla - yes, you definitely could have done.

Tell him to get his ass out ASAP and find some work. Anything at all for now.
I wouldn't let him have so much as 1 day of sitting around. Print him a list of every job agency out there and tell him to get bloody cracking.

@Lulualla My aunt worked for the NHS, gP practice as secretary. One of her colleagues warned a neighbour of hers that her blood results had been sitting there for a week. The neighbour complained and she was dismissed after a hearing. That's how serious it got. You wanted to get your boyfriend's mum sacked? Gosh.

Op, get yourself on universal credit website get signed up immediately it’ll be something to help you fir nowhere as for the job, most employers now do not declare an employee was dismissed only when & to they worked with them. Contact HR & ask. He may not have to disclose this to future employee if they do not release it

Oh right I forgot on Mumsnet that everyone can apparently afford to pay the mortgage and bills on one salary and the person without a job can just afford to sit around waiting for exactly the perfect opportunity to fall into their lap

I work a very highly paid job currently. If I lost it, you bet your arse I would be trying to get anything in the meantime to keep paying the mortgage and keeping food on the table.

“Supporting” your other half doesn’t have to mean “picking up even more overtime so they can take their time finding the Perfect job” in my world.

(And GinDaddy ; clearly your situation is miles different than the OP...)

'Go and apply for a McJob' is smug, stupid advice from the sort of person who's never had to do that type of work, so ignore it OP. Someone who was in a high-paying executive job will not be taken on to stack shelves or flip burgers: the companies will be aware that anyone with professional qualifications etc will not stay. The less-good ones also don't want articulate, confident staff who are going to be aware of their rights and prepared to stand up for themselves.

This.

It's not that simple to walk in to another job. It is very possible to be viewed as over qualified for a job.

If there's a confidentiality agreement in place are you sure that you can share all the details that you have? Maybe cool down a bit and reconsider?