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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to do something exciting every weekend?

31 replies

malificent7 · 20/09/2019 06:31

Dp is lovely and as he works so hard in the week he loves a nice weekend...don't we all!. Thing is...he needs to do something exciting every weekend. I love trips to the beach, clubbing, zoos, ski experiences and campfires as much as the next person but occasionally i want to slob around in pjs warching strictly as im doing a very demanding course.
We are going camping this weekend and the tought of putting a tent up makes me shudder as i had a crap night sleep last night.
Trouble is, i do want to spend time with him as i miss him during the week but a gentle stroll or pub lunch will do me just as well.

OP posts:

AnnaMariaDreams · 20/09/2019 06:32

YANBU. Lazy weekends are the best!

glenthebattleostrich · 20/09/2019 06:44

Our favourite weekends involve a nice dog walk, somewhere with a decent cafe or pub, a family movie and snuggling down watching strictly.

We do big exciting weekends too (recently did a long weekend in Paris doing the sights and Disney) and we often go visit family in the north east so visit Beamish or a castle while there.

When you work long hours and study you need some down time to give your brain a rest. Can you compromise? 1 week is an exciting weekend, the next is a chilled one?

Lana08 · 20/09/2019 06:47

Op have you spoke to him about it?
How about you having some time to do your own thing. He could go camping with friends while you have a lazy weekend at home. Then spend the following weekend together or you could do what he would like Saturday and then just chill at the home on the Sunday?

Original poster

malificent7 · 20/09/2019 06:52

I think i will have a chat...we don't need to be joined at the hip!

OP posts:

Lagatha · 20/09/2019 06:54

I don't have to say this as now my kids are older they tell DH they don't want to go anywhere.
Bloody love them
YANBU

NewNameGuy · 20/09/2019 06:54

We used to book "nothing" in the diary or every weekend becomes a 10 task mission

myusernamewastakenbyme · 20/09/2019 06:59

Camping this time of the year....shudder !!!

palahvah · 20/09/2019 06:59

As above, sounds as though you could speak to him about having a weekend to yourself.

You could also sell him a plan for the weekend together that makes a virtue of a laze-in weekend eg

Friday evening - fish + chip takeaway
Saturday - lie- in, stay in bed and cuddle, (if he wants a job he could go and fetch stuff for a living room pyjama picnic)
Sunday - send him out to get papers and stuff for brunch, go for a wander, home to a movie.

I was going to say part of the benefit of staying in and at home versus going out is that it's easier to do all the shagging but if you're knackered you might not want to overcommit on that score.

Original poster

malificent7 · 20/09/2019 07:04

I know...it's the camping that has sent me over the edge tbh. That is a whole thread in itself.

OP posts:

Countrylifeornot · 20/09/2019 07:24

OP you are a bit of a mismatch, but that's fine.
Let him do his thing and you do yours, there'll be an eternity for the dreaded compromise once you have dc.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/09/2019 07:57

I could not do a whole weekend inside - I'd love a day of Pictishs plan, but after that I'd be crawling the walls to do something! That said, I'd leave fiancé here if he wanted, although he never has.

And camping wouldn't be high on my list of things to do...

We try to have one at home night a weekend, go somewhere for a few hours whether that's something high energy or just a stroll somewhere nice, and see friends and family for a bit. Sometimes we lose some of these and spend more time together in the flat, sometimes it's totally different, but it works as a rough framework for us!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/09/2019 07:58

palavah sorry, memory fail there!

ChickenyChick · 20/09/2019 08:01

Sorry but he sounds like fun

My DH only ever wants to just be at home...

Partner-swap?

But seriously, you don’t have to say yes to everything. Just plan stay-at-home weekends too!

cortex10 · 20/09/2019 08:12

DH is just like this - I work away all week so I just want to chill and sleep in my own bed at the weekend not be out Fri/Sat evening and Sun lunch for meals out with friends and family and/or days out or weekends away. I also now have to put ' no social events' in our shared calendar every other week to try to stem the tide. It's not like he's sitting moping on his own while I'm way as he's often meeting up with friends and doing his hobby mid-week.

blackteaplease · 20/09/2019 08:15

I think that you and your partner are mismatched. Camping at the moment would be fine, there are beautiful sunsets, a harvest moon and so many stars in the evenings.

You need to have a honest chat or you will start to get resentful.

possumgoddess · 20/09/2019 08:24

I have quite a demanding job and I am also considerably overweight and not very fit so I find walking long distances difficult. We are on holiday at the moment - a compromise holiday as I wanted to go somewhere in the sun and he didn't want to go abroad this year for family reasons, so we are staying in a cottage in the UK. I just need a couple of weeks of down time, to relax and recharge my batteries. I have brought things to do, books to read etc. My very DH has been moping around refusing to go out without me and saying it's no fun to do things if I'm not there. I thought he might go out for walks on his own, explore the local area, take photographs, go shopping (he loves shopping) but no - he wants me to go with him. Consequently I either have to go out with him or I have to endure him moping around and sighing. I am exercising, I am swimming twice a day, and we have been on several outings to see things in the area, but he seems incapable of entertaining himself. Knowing that we could have had a sunny holiday for half the price that he would have enjoyed makes me quietly cross, I'm not getting the relaxing break I need as I need to keep him occupied. I gave up that plan to fit in with his need to stay in the UK and I don't begrudge that - I do begrudge my loss of relaxation time as he can't manage to entertain himself. And - it's twice as bad because I know it is only because he really likes to be with me - urgh!

Thecapturefan · 20/09/2019 08:27

YANBU! I need one full or almost full day in the house every weekend to be able to function as a human. Every weekday is stressful trying to get out the house for work and school so I need one day where there’s no need to be anywhere at any specific time. I feel so guilty about it every weekend but the kids seem happy enough with it. I don’t understand this need to be here, there and everywhere at the weekends.

ConkerGame · 20/09/2019 08:34

DP and I have this problem in reverse! I always want to be doing something and see a weekend day spent at home as a “waste”, whereas he seems to need that time at home doing nothing just to function!

It’s tough. All you can do is communicate and compromise. He needs to understand that you’ll be in a better mood for the stuff he organises if you get time to recharge Inbetween. And yes, he can also go off and do things with friends/family in the meantime.

Original poster

malificent7 · 20/09/2019 08:35

He id fun and i love him for it but just once i want to be a boring sod! Last weekend we went clubbing then the beach twice. Beach was lovely but when on the beach he will want to go on an adventuure up a cliff or something! We are not having kids as have 1 each and are skint enough!

OP posts:

HandsOffMyRights · 20/09/2019 08:37

I always try to have one full day at home too. After a week at work and school, rushing about, we are knackered come the weekend!

DC get more homework now and so I make sure weekends are easy for them too.

I try to keep weekends clear and we go to the cinema or a meal, but then you always get the odd weekend where everything seems to clash (this weekend is one of those sadly).

Original poster

malificent7 · 20/09/2019 08:38

We are very well matched in many ways and at the beginning of the relationship i was well up for continuous adventuring but im in the middle of a very full time, demanding course i need rime to chill. We have agreed to a long lie in tomorrow as i slept badly last night...exam stress!

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 20/09/2019 08:39

Can’t he take the kids adventuring?

greenlynx · 20/09/2019 09:21

I would say something local every other weekend, something bigger once a month (and camping count as huge for me but might be different for you)
The main thing for me is planning and preparation. I don’t mind going every weekend to a place 25 minutes away by car for leisurely afternoon walk around the park and cup of tea. No preparation required. But other than that just too much. I suppose it’s easier for us because we always have jobs around the house, DD’s homework/revision/ clubs and DH’s work related stuff so staying at home makes sense.

IdblowJonSnow · 20/09/2019 09:27

I'm someone who likes to be active on a weekend. You need to talk and compromise or split up.
If he's literally refusing to do anything without you though, well that doesn't speak well of him. Needy and unfair.

TheWickerWoman · 20/09/2019 09:40

I just love the weekends where you’ve got nothing planned. We rarely get them, we do a lot of things (especially in summer) which is nice but I treasure the ‘doing nothing’ weekends.

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