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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want older children at a birthday party?

17 replies

tearsndtantrums · 07/08/2007 08:26

its something ive been thinking about a lot recently. ive taken my 10 month old son to several baby/toddler parties this year and it seems that the older (by older i mean 7 up) children tend to take over the party. its not their fault they get excited but its like the birthday child is forgotten.

so i got thinking about my sons future parties and i realised a lot of my friends have older children as well as mine and dps families. would it be unreasonable to only invite the young ones? would it cause problems if say i was invite dps younger 2 but not her eldest 2?

sorry ive never done a childrens party but i dont want my sons ones to be overrun with older children. although his first birthday i have little choice lol but after that i want roughly the same age as him with the maximum age being 2 years older that what he will be.

OP posts:

goingfor3 · 07/08/2007 08:27

Do the parties during school hours while and if you can. I'm sure people will understand you only want little ones there.

Original poster

tearsndtantrums · 07/08/2007 08:29

ooooh going for3 thats a good idea. im just generally musing here but what happens on a saturday/sunday?

btw please look out for future threads regarding a 1st birthday. ive never catered for a party before and have no idea where to start lol

OP posts:

hockeypuck · 07/08/2007 08:30

Agree with goingfor3. The only way I could avoid older siblings at DS's 3rd party was to have it during school times.

For DD's 3rd birthday we were really short of space in the house and I asked friends not to bring older or younger siblings with them and a few got a bit hoity toity about it. Now I just plan the times accordingly.

Slubberdegullion · 07/08/2007 08:38

If you need to have the party out of school hours then I have set up a big childrens cinema up stairs. I put down rugs and lots of cushions, shut the curtains have some huge bowls of popcorn and stick a kids dvd on (appropriate to age obviously....can't expect 7 year old to be engrossed in 'Here come the Teletubbies').

Then I shut the stair gate at the bottom (so the little ones can't go up).

I make a big song and dance about how they are the big grown up ones and therfore I am trusting them to be senible and quiet.

Works a treat.

I would recommend the party in school time to remove older kids from the situation all together though

littlelapin · 07/08/2007 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slubberdegullion · 07/08/2007 08:44

Our 'cinema' is DH's 'puter.......It is huge (bigger screen than the tv). He says it is to enable him to look at several stock charts simultaneously . Personally I think it is the nerds alternative to a red porshe.

heifer · 07/08/2007 08:52

For DD (3.6) I do at least 2 parties

during the day (try to fit in with preschool etc) for her friends which are around the same age

then at 5.00ish with my friends children some whom are the same age, but all have older children as well..

I find this works really well, the 2nd one isn't really a party as such, as they tend to play together without the need for games etc. but have some more party food etc.

It works for us ...

littlelapin · 07/08/2007 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kslatts · 07/08/2007 09:53

The cinema idea is great.

hippipotami · 07/08/2007 10:43

The cinema is a great idea!

Unfortunately it cannot be helped - sometimes the older ones have to come along.
My dh is contracted to work alternate weekends. If on one of his work weekends dd (age 4) has been invited to a party, I have to take ds (nearly 8) with me. Either that, or dd misses out.
Luckily, dd is nearly getting to the age where she will be happily left at cetain parties, but when I have to stay, so does ds. (who is of course under strict instructions to behave, and can be kept happy by being allowed to serve the snacks and pour juice etc)
I fully appreciate the fact ds is not invited and cringe when he asks for a slice of birthday cake etc. But it cannot be helped.

Pesha · 07/08/2007 10:57

We had a bowling party for ds1's 4th birthday on sunday (his choice). We didnt have the problem of older children as my dd was the only one but we had 2 lanes for bowling so if that had been the case we would have had one lane for older children and one for the younger ones.

maisemor · 07/08/2007 11:03

Just remember that one day your child is going to be that age, and you might have to bring it along to your child's baby dos, or to somebody else's baby do.

What if it is summer holidays, yet your husband is at work, you have no babysitters. Are you going to leave your child on their door step, home alone or what?

I think you are being unreasonable. However if this is such a huge problem for you I think the cinema thing sounds like an excellent idea.

themoon66 · 07/08/2007 12:40

Wouldn't bother with a full on party for a one year old anyway.

Anchovy · 07/08/2007 12:55

I noticed what someone said about their older DS helping out with pouring drinks etc.

My DCs (5 and 3) had a small Easter party recently, for a few 3-5 year old mates. One of their bessie mates has a 9 year old older sister. She came along and was allowed to bring a friend along and the 2 older girls were fantastic at helping out. They were given lots of jobs to do - fetching and carrying and supervising games (doing the music for musical statues), etc. I don't think it works if you have loads of older children, but if there are only going to be a few, I would definitely give them specific jobs to do and get them helping out - these older children really enjoyed it as well.

Original poster

tearsndtantrums · 07/08/2007 14:01

i must say i like the sound of the cinema set up i will definatly use that idea in the future.
i was just generally musing really as there have been a few parties where older children are there and not just one or two (love the idea that they can help btw) but at least 5.

and i know my son will one day be 7 up and if i do have another child i would try and make arrangements so that my son can go out with either me his dad or his nan whilst the younger one went to the party. i understand totally that siblings would more thsn likely be at their sister/brothers party and thats great.

i guess i just dont get why older children are invited to baby/toddler parties and vice versa but give it a few years and im sure ill learn lol.

oh and i wasnt talking about my sons first birthday i was talking about future ones.

OP posts:

hotcrossbunny · 07/08/2007 14:19

We went to a friends 4th birthday party. It was in their garden and she'd invited some of the children in the road too,some of whom were 6/7/8. It just didn't work. One of them was whinging to me she was bored.
First of all it was a party for 4 year olds, she shouldn't have come if she couldn't cope with what suits a 4 year old. I suggested she ask the host if she could help... quite a rude sulky answer Trying to help I then said why don't you get some pens and paper and do some drawing, again that didn't suit. They nearly climbed over the littlies to get to the food and moaned about the cake!
If at all possible I don't think older or younger siblings should go to parties when its not their peer group, it's not really fair to anyone.

christywhisty · 08/08/2007 13:01

But surely parties for 1 and 2 year old are not really parties for the babies friends, but tend to be a get together for the mums, friends relations.
My children's first birthday were mostly older children because our nieces and nephews were a lot older and our friends children tended to be older. You can't expect just the babies to come without their mums and if they have other children it is usually very difficult to find someone else to lookafter them.

DD spent most of her 1st party upstairs having a nap anyway. It was a joint party with her brother.

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