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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that I don’t think school uniform come soon under maintenance ?

54 replies

Jewelledhen · 16/07/2019 08:38

Mainly just looking for other views as it’s the first time I’m buying ( eeeeeeek)

DS starts school in September
Me and his dad split when he was 6 months- all amicable.
He pays me £150 p/m maintenance- we sorted this ourselves 4 years ago- I’m pretty sure if I went through child maintence I’d get more now

DS goes to dads 2 weekends a month, and every Monday for tea.
AIBU asking for help towards uniform? Or would you say this falls under everyday costs and should be covered by maintenance ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jewelledhen · 16/07/2019 08:39

Also I’m very clearly still half asleep this morning as my title doesn’t make sense!!
** AIBU that I don’t think school uniform comes under maintenance

OP posts:
MyOpinionIsValid · 16/07/2019 08:39

If it is amicable why cant you ask him what he thinks ?

wendz86 · 16/07/2019 08:39

In theory they don’t need to give you more for it but it’s a nice thing to do . My ex pays half towards school shoes etc .

Original poster
Jewelledhen · 16/07/2019 08:40

Well it’s amicable to a point - we barely speak and I have a habit of being abit soft. If I asked and he instantly said no I’d probably just take it. But I wanted other views really to see if I’m being cheeky and should ask!

OP posts:
wendz86 · 16/07/2019 08:42

I would check how much he would be paying if you went through child maintenance . If it’s more than you get then totally not unreasonable to ask . £150 a month isn’t a lot .

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 16/07/2019 08:42

£150 is ridiculously low. Definitely ask him.

MyOpinionIsValid · 16/07/2019 08:42

Google tells me : Child maintenance is financial support towards your child's everyday living costs when you've separated from the other parent

Personally I would say school is an every day occurrence. Others would disagree.

MyOpinionIsValid · 16/07/2019 08:43

£150 is ridiculously low. Definitely ask him.

Depends what he earns doesnt it?

chzarind · 16/07/2019 08:48

I think you have 2 issues here.

Firstly, maintenance is to support your child's living so o do think uniform etc comes into that.

Secondly, and more importantly, if you feel you could be getting more then go for more: it's for your DC.

MammaMia19 · 16/07/2019 08:48

Ask him and if he says no then ask him to take him and buy the shoes and pe kit himself. My ex pays more than that monthly but we split big costs like parties, presents, uniform, swim lessons.

MammaMia19 · 16/07/2019 08:49

When I say take him I mean he takes his son to get the shoes

HennyPennyHorror · 16/07/2019 08:51

If you think he'd be assessed as having to pay more then you need to discuss this with him.

Let him know that you feel you need more.

WillLokireturn · 16/07/2019 08:52

£150 a month is £35 week. That'll barely cover his food for the week, leaving you what £10 to put towards normal clothes shoes, haircuts, packed lunches daily, school trips, books, toys, petrol driving him places, childcare /childcare in holidays, nothing towards roof over his head, heating etc. He lives with you and your work has to fit around school hours or childcare.

So ,you are certainly not unreasonable to ask him to split costs of school uniform and school trips!

I'd love it if my children were a bargain at £35 a week! That wouldn't even cover childcare for youngest or what the eldest eats in a week or books he needs!

As other PP has said might be worth working out how much CMS he should pay and revisiting it for your sake, even if you didn't go through them and agree it mutually.

JacquesHammer · 16/07/2019 08:58

If he was a decent bloke he would pay half of uniform costs.

Unfortunately it’s perfectly legal for him NOT to be a decent bloke.

If you would get more maintenance through CMS, do it.

ZillaPilla · 16/07/2019 09:06

I think if maintenance is something you've worked out between you rather than through CMS then it should be reviewed periodically.
Starting school would be a good time to do that.

Just talk to him. Apart from shoes I'd say that having a child in school uniform reduces overall clothing costs over the course of a year (unless it's a private school with fancy requirements).

If you can avoid CMS I would, they are an absolute ball ache.

TeaAndChocolateBiscuits · 16/07/2019 09:07

I wouldn't ask... I would text him and say... As you know DS is due to start school in September, his uniform will cost £100,so that's £50 each. Would you rather give me the cash, or purchase some items yourself?

Pinktinker · 16/07/2019 09:08

I get £200 a month for three DC who never stay overnight. He’s never paid me extra towards uniform, I did ask the first year and he said ‘that’s what maintenance is for’. Their school uniform costs £300 each year. He’s a dickhead.

They technically don’t have to pay any extra but it is a nice thing to do. You can always ask.

PookieDo · 16/07/2019 09:11

I think when it is a relatively small amount of crap maintenance like this - I also get £30 per week for each child it is not grabby to ask for half the cost of trips and uniform. My deal with ex is that I would not chase him for a larger amount per week if he goes half on these costs with me when they are needed.

I just simply present him with a list with all the costs and either he can give me the money or go buy the things himself. With secondary school he bought all the PE kits, I bought the uniform

cocomelon23 · 16/07/2019 09:14

My thought is that its an every day cost so is included in maintenance.

Fluffybread · 16/07/2019 09:16

Staying over 1-2 times per week with a salary of £18,000 per year works out at £35 per week. If you know or suspect he's on more than that I suggest you either ask for more money or go through the child maintenance service.

FuriousVexation · 16/07/2019 09:33

You can certainly ask. I'd approach it as "going halves since he's growing so quick at the moment" rather than making demands.

My son's birth mum never gave us a fucking penny for school wear. Used to buy him a packet of 5 cheap socks from Primark for every birthday and Xmas.

Lovemusic33 · 16/07/2019 09:37

My ex pays £150pm for 2 kids Sad ,when I need help with anything I remind him that I could go to CSA and get them to see how much he should be paying. My ex doesn’t earn a fortune so I do understand that he needs to be able to survive which is why we agreed to this amount but if I’m struggling he will try his best to help out with things like school shoes.

School uniform doesn’t have to cost a fortune, especially for primary school, the shoes are the most expensive so maybe ask him to pay for shoes and you pay for the rest which would work out around 50/50?

notapizzaeater · 16/07/2019 09:38

You can ask him, does he feel £150 is enough ? Have you had an inflation rise ?

bridgetreilly · 16/07/2019 09:40

I would calculate how much you will be spending on school uniform, especially at the start. As a one off cost, it can be quite a lot, and I think it's reasonable to ask if he would contribute to that. As an ongoing thing, replacing outgrown/worn out items, I think it really comes in normal maintenance.

SoupDragon · 16/07/2019 10:01

I've always paid for uniform out of maintenance. However, I had a decent amount of it so there was more than enough. I think in a low income situation it's acceptable to ask for a one off extra contribution.

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