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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that my oldest friend & 1 other forgot my DDs 1st birthday?

26 replies

oaktree · 19/07/2007 21:17

Have known bf for 20years. whenI mentione din passing that Dd was now 1 in an email she just replied oh did I forget there are so many born then. teh other friedn who lives very close by just said oh is she 1 already.
i always remember thir kids birthdays & feel really hurt that they didn't remember mine. is there any point in saying anything? they both have far busier lives than mine.

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 19/07/2007 21:18

No. Just don't remember their kids' birthdays in future.

HedTwigg · 19/07/2007 21:19

yes YABU

reikizen · 19/07/2007 21:20

I've had that too, but the friend in question doesn't have kids and I wonder if they just don't realise. But I've got to get all excited about her boring wedding. Grr.

whomovedmychocolate · 19/07/2007 21:20

It's a shame when you are let down like that but clearly birthdays are not a big deal for them. As Elasticwoman suggests, just don't remember their kids birthdays.

Or be magnaminous and do remember them (actually what I did to an annoying friend who forgot my birthday was bought her a sodding birthday book with mine helpfully already entered so she had no excuse next time)

snowleopard · 19/07/2007 21:22

I have close friends who forgot, I didn't mind really. The more babies that are born among you and your mates, the more there is to remember... if you remember, you set a precedent and then everyone has 14 times a much plastic tat as they otherwise would... plus if people forgot, you're in the clear if you forget something to do with them. I wouldn't say anything.

HedTwigg · 19/07/2007 21:23

I forgot my nephew's 18th this month .. and I'm just about to forget my nieces 19th in 3 days

ELF1981 · 19/07/2007 21:24

I can see why you are annoyed, it happens to me all the time. I always end up buying for their kids (this happens more with family than friends TBH) and nowt for my DD

V frustrating. Two routes - either always remember theirs and mention to your friends you were upset, or dont buy for their kids either.

stressteddy · 19/07/2007 21:27

oaktree - don't get me started!!! I feel for you I really do
One of my friends came over last Christmas (one week before) and gave a present to another freinds babe) It was her sister in law but even so! My ds didn't get anything
They were at our house for a get together. I was amazed
She now has a baby - I amde a fuss over her when her dd was born (cards, gifts, choc)but have to say I feel resentful all the way! (they came to see our ds with nothing)
I have decided now to let it go and move on. I may not get her dd a gift this Christmas!!

I'm sure you gave your dd a great birthday
x

Original poster
oaktree · 19/07/2007 21:31

cheers. I know she didn't know it was her birthday but I don't want her to think in years to come - blimey didn't get many cards did I?!. other dd got loads for her first. both my friends have kids ( abit older thanmine ) & always have parties so no excuse for forgetting theirs have I?!!

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 19/07/2007 21:36

Oaktree are you really keeping all the cards? Hope you have a big loft!

pointydog · 19/07/2007 21:39

if it was a very good friend of mine who also had kids, I'd be a bit miffed yes.

But some people really are just terrible at remembering dates so no point harbouring a grudge

muppetgirl · 19/07/2007 21:41

We have this in our family.
My brothers both live in Canada, 1 has 2 kids, the other has none.

The one with kids doesn't send my ds any birthday/Christmas presents but I send theirs and don't forget ever.

Brother woth no kids remembers everyones birthdays...

My dh hates that we buy their kids presents, yet get none for ours.
I think you can't let how others act stop you from ding what you believe to be right.

  • I will tell my ds that his uncle is and idiot for always forgetting but that doesn't mean his cousins should miss out!

(Also my dad deosn't remember my ds's birthday either and has to be told to buy christmas presents for him)

MadEyeMisdee · 19/07/2007 21:43

YABU

skidoodle · 19/07/2007 21:51

LOL @ HedTwigg

oaktree if you are worrying what your daughter will think when she's older and sees the cards from her 1st birthday, then IMO you are being way over the top about the importance of these things.

of course your eldest got more cards. people get more excited about eldest kids because they are a novelty and they make much more of a fuss. there is no reason to take is seriously [and only a crazy person would bother making it clear to the children in later life that one got more cards than another for an equivalent birthday. seriously]

some people don't care a lot about birthdays. even more people don't really care about the birthdays of people who aren't even old enough to know it is their birthday.

clearly your friend doesn't think it's that important from her reaction to your mention "in passing" (yeah right) about your dd's birthday.

probably makes more sense to accept your old friend as she is than to get into a snit over something she clearly doesn't see as being a big deal. those are the kinds of fights that can end longstanding friendships.

jessem · 19/07/2007 22:14

I was the first of bunch to have dd. my best friend (Known here since we were both 3) didn't seem interested in my baby at all. took her 3 weeks to see dd. since then dd doesn't get birthday cards/christmas gifts etc... bumped into her outside hospital while in labour with second dd and got a card posted through my door with "i asume you have had the baby!!!) and haven't heard from her since (2 years ago). DO NOT lose any sleep, cause it just ain't worth it. by the way she doesn't have kids and has said she never will. she once said they are all right for the likes of me!!! whatever that means.

jessem · 19/07/2007 22:15

oops assume

islandofsodor · 20/07/2007 01:15

I have a job remembering my own kids birthdays never mind anyone else's.

Malfoynomore · 20/07/2007 01:32

remember people havecdifferent reasons to either forget or remember a birthday usually nothing to do with you!
Forinstanc eI am crap at remembering birhtdays, despite my mum reallybeing good at it...but then, when I wa slittle because my Birthday fell into summerhols people forgot, they were invited and didn;t turn up, I got hardly any cards ever...so, to me ingrained it's...just anoterh effing day...I do make a fuss of my Kids birthday, but I do find it hard to get really truely exited....

weasleymum · 20/07/2007 05:11

I think for some people birthdays don't figure on the radar much - I know this because I'm one of them. I can care about someone a LOT and still forget their birthday.

So if your friend is anything like me, she's still your friend, she's just not very interested in birthdays, and it's not something to worry about.

hatrickjacqueline · 20/07/2007 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kslatts · 20/07/2007 08:18

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Furball · 20/07/2007 08:19

Well, I forgot my friends ds 8th birthday this year. I left it off the calendar when transfering the dates over from last year. She told me about 2 weeks after and I was horrified i'd forgotten and sent him immediately an extra big present, but still was not impressed with my forgetfulness.

My brother doesn't remember my ds' birthday or DH's for that matter. It's just the way he is.

beansprout · 20/07/2007 08:21

I don't know the birthdays of my friend's kids, only the ones I see all the time.

It's a huge deal to you as you spent weeks counting down to her birth and have known her age in weeks since she was born so you can't possibly imagine anyone else not being aware of this huge milestone but you shouldn't assume that it's significant for everyone else.

Even dd doesn't know it's her birthday!!

dal21 · 20/07/2007 08:22

I think YABU - just a little. Understand why you feel the way you do (especially if you are the type of person who does make the effort). Some people just dont attach the same amount of importance to these things. My BF of 10 years forgot my birthday this year - doesnt make her any less of a friend, she is just made like that. But I could pick up the phone 24/7 to her if i needed help and she would be there for me - and that is what i think is important. Don't change the way you are though!

SweetyDarling · 20/07/2007 08:24

Close family should be expected to remember, but beyond that I think you are expecting a bit too much.