DH and flowers - am I being ungrateful?

[MilkTrayLimeBarrel]

DH is very kind and buys me flowers for special occasions and sometimes just ad hoc, which is lovely! However, I have told him on many occasions that I hate lilies - the smell, the look of them, the mess the pollen makes - I never say anything when the flowers have just been delivered so as not to upset him, but wait and raise it randomly!

The most recent special occasion was a couple of weeks ago and he sent me flowers, but it was lilies again! How can I get it across to him that I don't like them without sounding ungrateful?

What does he say when you’ve raised it in the past? How odd. Is he very forgetful?

Tell him which flowers you really like?

Maybe if he's ordering them he just asks for a bunch of flowers and doesn't specify which ones?

I love Lillies

I love lilies too. My daughter however received pink ones last week. My eyes and nose were streaming and I resorted to hay fever tablets. I was glad to see the back of them.
You could tell a white liely.

Do you have cats? They're lethal to cats

Don't suppose you have a cat? lilies are poisonous to them, so if so point that out and it might get through to him......or does he hate the cat? Maybe he already knows!

Easy breezy tone: "DH, you are so lovely for sending my kind and thoughtful gifts, I love you. Did you know, my favourite flower of all time is [insert flower here], I'm not sure if I ever told you that... I like them much more than lillies to be honest!"

Do you think he actually knows which ones lilies are? Does he realise he's buying them or are they all just flowers to him?

Tell him which flowers you really like

This. Maybe he only remembers the fact you mentioned lilies, not the fact you dislike them! Mention what you absolutely adore and keep repeating that. Forget the lilies!

Oh dear. I hate them too. Funeral flowers!

How annoying, sorry, No helpful advice about dealing with this but as a last resort, pinch out the all the yellow stamens then you get rid of the smell and pollen issues.

I had to tell a friend who loves to give me flowers "sorry, mate, no lilies please. I've got a cat and they are poisonous to them". He sometimes forgot and I had to leave the bunch at work.

Just take them out and throw away, no big deal.

Oh dear. I hate them too. Funeral flowers!

This.

I hate lilies, they are for death, I can not have them in the house!

I think what’s happening here is he is just ordering a bunch of flowers up to X amount and the florist is making them up.

Drop in to conversation you hate lilies? Or say you know I really love x and Y flowers?

I hate lillies too but people keep sending them to me. I don’t have an answer. Just accept gratefully and bin the bastards.

DHs family cat died from Lilly poisoning I've disliked them ever since so yanbu. Plus I think they smell abit gross and the pollen gets EVERYWHERE.

Just tell him.

He probably isn’t listening and just hears lilies hence keeping ordering. I’m projecting a little as this is what my dh would do 🤣

Next time they arrive, look him dead in the eye and say “dh, love thank you so much for the thought. However I’ve told you several times I don’t like lillies. I love the thought of flowers though”.

If he's sending them, he may not be specifying which flowers to include or avoid. I agree with PPs, just keep mentioning which flowers you do want eg 'Oh, DH, I love these roses.' 'Look at those beautiful roses in neighbour's garden,' etc, etc.

Our local florist has a list of flowers I hate pinned to the wall in her office. Mind you she is a friend of mine and I havent had a bouquet from her for a couple of years but it still helped for the first few years of my relationship with DH.

I bloody hate lillies too. They are top of the list.

My husband does this too. Not particularly lillies, but just not generally flowers I’d choose (he buys bright, almost dyed colours, whereas I’d choose whites and yellows). Whenever I’ve said something he’s almost been a bit offended. Even saying how much I like other types of flowers still comes across negatively. He has got better lately, but it’s been awkward over the years!

Just tell him, kindly. Confess!

Let him know you love and truly appreciate the gesture/kindness, and that has mattered more to you than really not liking lilies themselves so havent said anything until now. He will know you dont want to upset him, tell him that, too. Make it light hearted.

Tell him you've become allergic to the pollen from them

Thanks all for your replies. I think he is just ordering a bouquet up to £x and this is what happens!

Yes, he is incredibly forgetful!
No - we don't have cats, just a dog!
Good idea re stressing flowers I do like!
I will wait until the weekend and then discreetly get rid of them.

Perhaps he doesn't know what lillies are?

I would phrase it in terms of, the pollen makes me sneeze or is causing a rash on my skin.

I wish all the lily haters would send me their lilies! I love lilies--and never get flowers of any kind....