Suddenly realise I don't actually like my friend

[carnuntum]

Have known this person for several years and were once very close, and I was going to have her move in with me for a while.

However, little things have turned me against her, and now I've realised I don't really like her.

She's very selfish and only does things when she wants them

She takes towels from hotel rooms as "you are paying for them"
Almost every take away she has she will complain to try and get some money back
Lives off of her parents money
Has a sense of "humour" that is not funny, and increasingly islamaphobic/racist.

Do other people somehow have bad judgement of people too?

People do change over the years so I wouldn't necessarily doubt your original judgement. It's important to remember that the friend (and you) will continue to change too. I have some long term friendships (over 25 years) with women who've changed gradually, as have I. There have been times where I haven't particularly enjoyed some of their company, but I have always cared about them. During such times I maintained 'keep in touch' contact and I'm glad as we've grown back into our friendships. I've helped some during their hard times and they have me. Friendship doesn't only have to be about immediate enjoyment. There have been some friends with whom I've happily lost touch as I recognised they would never be true friends as well.

My advice would be to work out if this person would stick by you in a crisis, if they would, perhaps you owe them a bit of tolerance? If you think they would not, set them free

My partner knew her friend since school many years ago - and yes it's one of those things where years of being taken advantage of, in various piss-takey ways can eventually cross a threshold. In our case it was dismissing our legitimate concerns around safeguarding and childcare (she has no children) and criticising our pragmatic choices when redecorating ("you have too many mains sockets" - WTF??)

We cut her out of our life, and now friends and family are wondering why we had not done so sooner.

@Provincialbelle - you're very strong to be like that. I just feel like I'm having a strop which she won't even notice and if I don't message her again then I'd never hear from her. Just feel unwanted .

This has happened to me. Was best friends with someone for years, then when I got my first job she'd ask to meet up, we would arrange a place and when we arrived she'd ask me for petrol money! Even though she'd pick the place to meet and I always had to drive further than her to get there. Then she got a dog, used to invite me round for a takeaway etc and then would say "I'll ring the takeaway, might take a while to get here so you can walk my dog for me whilst I wait for it to arrive so I'm definitely here to answer the door"! So I stopped seeing her as much then I'd get texts when i was at work saying "I've got no minutes left on my contract so can you ring X for me" I didn't even know these people! When I moved house I didn't actually give her my new address, I blocked her number too so we've had no contact since thankfully. I guess people just change in time.

Probably should add this went on for a while btw, a good year and a half of just taking the piss tbh. I did try speak to her about it many times but she just used to get moody and change the subject.

Sometimes it’s not so much that people change, it’s that they don’t! I have a very close friend since school and she’s often exactly the same as she was in school - we’re now in our 30’s. I find myself getting agitated in her company recently. She’s a good person so I don’t want to lose the friendship but I think I’m going to have to expand my social circle as I think we’re just at different stages right now and I need more likeminded friends.