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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to be upset with principal?

16 replies

threeboysandus · 08/04/2019 20:23

Hi just looking for opinions, particularly from the teachers

Last week on tues morn, teacher rang to say ds9 wasn’t well. Dp collected him and he was absolutely grand but we said nothing and kept him off for day.

Weds: I’m off work, ds was grand going in, got a call at 10am to say he was very unwell again. I asked to speak to teacher and she said he was very withdrawn and saying sore tummy. I asked her to keep an eye on him in case he had fight with friend. Grand, I collected him. The minute we left the school, he was absolutely grand, no temp, no sore tummy, ate as normal and played with brothers as normal. He said nothing going on in school

Thursday: fine going into school. Dpand I were both working and both got missed calls at 10 am to say he was unwell. When they couldn’t get us they rang my mam, his emergency contact. My mam got him and principal was adamant he was sick and needed to go home. My mam minded him for day, not a bother on him. Running around, eating absolutely fine. I asked him why he was doing this and he said he had sick tummy and told teacher and she rang us straight away so no telling him to relax for a while and see how he is

Friday:sent him in again. Myself, dp and my mam were all called again at 10am to take him home. Dp collected him and principal was very snappy with him saying he was very unwell and Dp said but he’s absolutely fine at home! And she said well it’s a different environment in school and he’s not able for the work when he’s not well. Again had no temp, no diarrhea no vomiting...

So I said over weekend I’d watch him and see if he said he was sick and he said nothing. Was in great form all weekend, ate as normal. I said to him that if it happens again this week I’d have to take him to doc and possibly get bloods done.

So this morning he was fine. At 2:30 I got a call from his principal to say how unwell he was all day, that he told his teacher four times his throat was sore
He normally does an after school club on mondays and she said she felt he was too unwell to do the class and would I send him straight home? I said it’s very strange, he was absolutely fine all weekend and all last week once home. Basically she was very snappy saying that he’s visibly unwell! He literally had no symptoms of illness other than him saying he has sore tummy. I said maybe he was attention seeking and she snapped at me that Ds isn’t like that (she is principal since sept and didn't work in school before so doesn't actually know him well) I’m livid that she thinks she knows him better than me.

So I spoke to Dp and decided to ring her back. I said to her that I know he is not sick so there is obviously something going on emotionally to make him do this and asked what they normally do in this situation. She was adamant that there’s nothing going on and wants him kept home for monitoring for 24 hours and brought to gp.

I’m livid with them. I want to do as they say but Dp is adamant that there is nothing wrong and doesn’t see why she can’t take our word for it.

Gp can’t see him until Wednesday but Dp wants to cancel apt.

I said to her that if he was unwell he would have physical symptoms and not be eating and she said ‘well teacher said he didn’t eat as normal’ checked his lunch and it’s all gone and he ate it!

I’m sorry for long post but just so upset she is treating me as if I’m neglecting him.

OP posts:

HaventGotAllDay · 08/04/2019 20:30

You need to talk to the school and your child and get to the bottom of why he is daily pretending to be ill so he is allowed to go home.

He might not be physically ill, but something is clearly wrong.

Your anger is misplaced. You'd be up in arms if he WAS actually ill and they wouldn't ring you!

Sirzy · 08/04/2019 20:31

Why are you livid with them and not working with them to get to the bottom of the issue?

If he is faking being ill then you need to find out why and deal with appropriately!

Guavaf1sh · 08/04/2019 20:35

Agree you need to be finding out why he’s faking this illness

pessimisticstateofperception · 08/04/2019 20:35

You need to speak to your child to find out what's going on.

The school aren't going to hang about waiting to see if a child has a sickness bug or not. They will take the child a word for it so it doesn't sweep through the school.

Take dc to the doctor, get a check up, it can't harm anything and the school will see you're taking this seriously.

Blueemeraldagain · 08/04/2019 20:39

You need to work out what is going on with your child. And make being home from school “sick” a lot less fun.

Original poster

threeboysandus · 08/04/2019 20:58

Sorry maybe I didn't explain right. I am asking him every day what's going on, he is sure there is nothing going on.

What I'm frustrated about and I don't know if I explained this right is that the principal is sure that it is not emotional and that it's purely physical. I have told her each day that when he gets home he is absolutely fine, eating well and playing away, not a bother on him.

OP posts:

AuditAngel · 08/04/2019 21:04

WHen we had a similar (but not as severe) pattern with DS, he was being bullied,

Original poster

threeboysandus · 08/04/2019 21:08

Sorry to hear that audit, how did you get to the bottom of it?

OP posts:

hidinginthenightgarden · 08/04/2019 21:08

You need a meeting with teacher, head and your son present. You need to find out what is going on. He is saying nothing but his actions say otherwise. He is faking it and you know it so why aren't you trying harder to find out why?

Original poster

threeboysandus · 08/04/2019 21:13

Hiding, I am trying hard to find out! I have quizzes ds every day about it. I spoke with the teacher on Wednesday who is sure nothing is going on, I spoke with principal twice today who will not entertain the idea that there is something going on.

I am doing as she has asked and keeping him off to monitor him. I know there is nothing wrong with him but she is insistent that he need to be monitored for the day at home tomorrow even though he was home all weekend and was in great form.

Then when I go to gp on weds I'll get all clear from gp and then make apt to see head again. She is the one dismissing me not the other way around. She will not take my word for it that he is faking and that there must be a another reason for this

OP posts:

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/04/2019 21:13

I would be very frustrated with the teachers too, they should be discussing all options with you not just shutting you down. They're being totally absurd to not even consider that he's faking this (which he must be for whatever reason).

Quartz2208 · 08/04/2019 21:17

What is your son saying - what is causing him to end up in the school office - is he going there and saying he is feeling unwell.

Speak to your son - he is the only one who can tell you what is going on

Original poster

threeboysandus · 08/04/2019 21:23

He is just saying he feels sick in school but also said that he just says it to his teacher and she says ok I'll ring your mam.

He said there is nothing bothering him. I'm surprised he hasn't told us what it is because he is normally very open if something happens with people and tells us. I honestly don't know what to do. I suppose I just need to go to gp and then arrange meeting.

I just can't believe how unsupportive the head is. She was completely rude to me on phone today and undermining me as his parent.

OP posts:

exLtEveDallas · 08/04/2019 21:25

Here's one of your problems:

The minute we left the school, he was absolutely grand, no temp, no sore tummy, ate as normal and played with brothers as normal

"Right then DS, into bed with you. No sorry, no screens. No sorry no TV. Here's a book"

"Here's some water, no sorry, no juice, no squash, no pop. Better just have a simple soup and bread for tea just in case you are sick"

"Sorry, no playing tonight, you don't want to be sick or get your brother sick do you?"

"Early night then love, sweet dreams"

If he won't tell you what's wrong, you need to make home as boring as possible. If he's sick, he won't care, if he's not he goes straight back to school.

Quartz2208 · 08/04/2019 21:29

Take the head out for a moment and focus on your son - he is key to all of this. Each time it is him telling his teacher - I admit I think the school are ringing you too quickly but that is secondary to the fact that he is telling them it hurst

So its either physical or psychological

So physical side - what does he eat, could it be something there causing it. Definitely go to the GP appointment to remove that from play

Interestingly though today he went with a sore throat - why the change and why the dislike of the after school club

It does sound like it could be anxiety is there something that he can think of that causes it to come on

Or is he simply saying it now to come home i.e. the first time he did it it hurt and he got to go home and now he is playing on that fact: where are his brothers etc what do you do when he gets hom

adaline · 08/04/2019 21:42

If he's being sent home sick, why is he being allowed to run around playing, and being able to eat what he wants?

Surely if he's sick he goes to bed. No TV, no food except plain toast and water, no running about, nothing.

You know he's faking but at the moment he can come home, play, eat and have fun - so why are you allowing it?

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