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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you cut yourself slack when on your period?

61 replies

oweus · 08/04/2019 10:39

If you are able to

I was just recently diagnosed with endometriosis and really struggle getting through periods. I constantly dread the first day of my period as I know I will be in agony.

Last Friday I had to take the day off when my period came (javelin arse in an open plan office is no joke) and coincidentally had a family friend staying with me (who is closer to my mum's age). She made comments to the effect that I'm not doing myself any favours by wallowing in self-pity etc.

"What do you think women did during the war?"

Over the weekend:
I grazed on chocolate and Nik and Naks
Ordered a couple of takeaways
Stayed in comfy clothes
Did a couple of face masks
Had several naps
Watched more episodes of 4 in a bed than I care to admit
Was a miserable cow
Self-medicated with Peroni

Obviously, I don't do this every weekend. Got a text from my mum this morning basically telling me off! Apparently, I'm young so should be out enjoying my life Angry

AIBU?

What do you do to make yourself feel better (still feeling horrendous)?

OP posts:
Tinkhasflown · 08/04/2019 10:45

Do you have 4 days of downtime every month? I'd love the luxury of even 1, but unfortunately I just keep popping the ibuprofen and get on with it. I've never taken a day off work over a period but then maybe mine are just not bad enough!

I've also 3 young kids so no lying around feeling sorry for myself!

Orangecake123 · 08/04/2019 10:48

Pain at the end of the day is still pain and shouldn't be minimized.I'm sorry you've not had any real support. I can have very painful period, and try to take it easier as I do get much more tired and stay in bed if i need to and I eat a lot more chocolate!

FraAngelico · 08/04/2019 10:49

Well, I don't think your periods are in any way typical of most women's -- endometriosis is a horrible thing, and you're not in the least unreasonable to do whatever you need to do to get through very painful periods as you can. And your 'friend' was being an arse. I hope you told her precisely what your diagnosis is, and why you are in agony. I would have hoped your mother was more sympathetic.

I currently have horrifically heavy periods to the point of having to take changes of clothes with me everywhere on the heaviest days, and where giving a lecture is difficult because I'm leaking through a superstrength tampon and two pads by the end of it which make me anaemic and exhausted. I have one at the moment, and unfortunately, circumstances meant I needed to do important stuff at the weekend, regardless. I tend to try to keep going as usual, but there's no denying it requires a large bag of stuff, dark clothes, and a reluctance to have to change tampons and all clothes in, say, a train toilet or scuzzy public loo...

I did have to pull out of a longterm professional commitment last summer with only two days notice, and I know those involved were not impressed, but it would have involved a bus or taxi, an hour on the train, and then another half hour or so on the tube, then a two hour event with me talking throughout, and the same home again -- and I was flooding like mad.

Sympathies on your diagnosis.

Orangecake123 · 08/04/2019 10:50

P.s you're not wallowing in self-pity OP .

tisonlymeagain · 08/04/2019 10:52

I guess everyone is different and has different levels of pain. In the past mine have been extremely heavy and painful but I tend to just get on with it as much as I can in the day, then curl up in the evening. I've never taken time off work though, just dosed myself up with painkillers.

Original poster
oweus · 08/04/2019 10:52

Do you have 4 days of downtime every month?

Pretty much. Thankfully my company allows me to work from home if I'm feeling really shit.

Last month I was working in Amsterdam and had to spend the majority of the time in my hotel room- everyone was very sympathetic. I don't take the piss, if I am able to sit at a desk without screaming/crying I do go my best to go in.

OP posts:
Aberforthsgoat · 08/04/2019 10:54

I don't give myself four days off because I can't - your weekend sounds lovely though despite the pain etc

I do cut myself some slack in accepting that I'm not going to be feeling great (two failed pregnancies seem to have left me particularly susceptible to hormonal changes and my periods are now worse than they were before) and I'm always on a bit of a go slow.

My period is due in a few days and I'm already feeling really fatigued, a bit sick etc and I don't have endometriosis. I don't think you're wallowing OP, and even if you are, so what!

Oysterbabe · 08/04/2019 10:54

No 2 women are alike in this regard. Mine aren't too bad and I just get on with things.

nutellalove · 08/04/2019 10:55

I have endometriosis too (now managed with the mini pill so don't have periods at all) and suffered really badly for years. I can empathise with your pain. I tended to not take days off work and just power through the pain because my work were unsympathetic to sick days but would totally not judge anyone that did. If you're in severe pain, what can you do.

SoyDora · 08/04/2019 10:56

I think endometriosis periods are a different ball game to most ‘normal’ periods to be honest. I’ve never lived my life any differently during a period, but I’ve never needed to. If I was in excruciating pain and writing around in agony in the office I would probably work from home that day too.

Kamma89 · 08/04/2019 10:57

Your mum & her friend sound outdated & ignorant. Endometriosis is not a bad period. When it's at it's most severe women are hospitalised because of it. Organs can fuse together or to the walls in your body.

Women need to stand up for each other more. You don't get any medals for "manning up".

Angellucy07 · 08/04/2019 10:58

Mine are a nightmare at the moment.
I get really paranoid on the heavy days and put 4 pads on to be on the safe side (I don't really need four but definitely need two).
If I have a meeting or anything my worst fear is that I'll stand up and I will have leaked on the seat!!
Never happened yet thank goodness, but it does make me over anxious.

I can sympathise as I suffer from awful pms in the build up to it and then the joys of pain and headaches during the event.

Drogosnextwife · 08/04/2019 10:59

I don't get them often but still get most of the symptoms once a month, just not bleeding.
I'm having a bitch of one just now, finding it very strange though as I'm in a mood to obsessively clean and clear out and seem to have a lot of energy. I'm also in fowl mood, losing my temper at the slightest thing, yesterday I actually sobbed at DP, as in cried like a child for a few things that would roll off my back usually.
I don't get pain like you though OP, I think if I did I would do the same. I don't really have any control over what I eat either, my appetite seems to be controlled by my ovaries at the moment.

jellycatspyjamas · 08/04/2019 11:01

I tend to go a bit slower during my period, I’ve always had very heavy, very painful periods though for the most part I just get on with it as much as possible. Every so often I have a particularly hard time and I’ll try to stay in bed with painkillers etc but that’s entirely dependent on DH picking up the slack.

Angelicinnocent · 08/04/2019 11:06

My DD is prescribed morphine for her endometriosis periods. Hardly just being a wimp if she curls up on the settee for the duration.

@Nutella my DD gets migraine from the combined pill but was told the mini pill wouldn't help with reducing endo growth. Have you had any issues with it?

grincheux · 08/04/2019 11:08

Ah OP even the people with dreamy carefree tampax-ad style periods have had a stinker, and everyone experiences pain differently. Downtime is a must for some. I've let myself off the hook with things like the gym or classes for an evening but luckily I've not had to take time off work before. Flowers

LumpyPillow · 08/04/2019 11:10

Dont let the aggressive 'that must be nice' or 'just get on with it' martyr crew come in and make you feel shit. Self care is important. Periods can make you feel all kinds of things, those that say 'its just a period, get over it' can't fathom that it affects people differently and that not everyone WANTS to be a robot slave, continuing on no matter what. People will kill themselves trying to 'get on with it' and its unneccessary. Self care and feeling pain and giving yourself time is not a weakness.

A lot of people dont look after themselves the way they should and keep up with this robotic, must be perfect and soldier on attitude. They aren't usually happy or particularly mentally/physically well either. Mostly angry and passive aggressive.

The type that gets ill and refuses to take a few days off to get over a virus, and carries on increasingly looking like death, infects everyone else, then ends up in hospital with chest infections and pneumonia for two weeks cos they couldn't bear to have a day off work, because they think its pathetic/weak. Hmm

You treat yourself/give yourself a break and feel no shame. Cake

SleepingSloth · 08/04/2019 11:15

Your friend doesn't sound like much of z friend.

I never used to get much pain with periods but then a few years ago the pain started increasing. After about a year of suffering each month I got diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis amongst other things. Some months the pain is like labour. So yes, I cut myself some slack. It's not a choice. Some months I only have 2 days of really bad pain but ther months I have 10 days. Sometimes all I can do is curl up in bed as it hurts to sit or stand.

I can't stand the comments like 'just get on with it' from people who have no clue about this.

SmallFastPenguin · 08/04/2019 11:16

"What do you think women did during the war?"

Do these people still live by wartime rules in other areas of life? Or do they take advantage of modern technology and comforts when it suits them? Its not like you are neglecting your family and even your career won't suffer since they allow home working.

MindyStClaire · 08/04/2019 11:18

Was your relative offended that you didn't put more effort into hosting her? Maybe she felt uncomfortable with you lounging around etc. Not saying you should have done, but maybe she just didn't realise how miserable you were feeling and so felt unwelcome.

My periods are about as easy as they come, but I still make allowances for the fact that I'll be more tired than usual, and hungrier, as well as moodier.

Endo is a whole different ballgame and I don't think you're being unreasonable by doing whatever it takes to get through. Flowers

Eliza9919 · 08/04/2019 11:18

if I am able to sit at a desk without screaming/crying I do go my best to go in.

If your periods are causing you to scream you need to see a Doctor and don't give up until they help. Don't let them fob you off.

PinkHeart5914 · 08/04/2019 11:19

Well I’ve 3 dc, a business and a home to run so wallowing for days isn’t really possible. I take painkillers, eat more chocolate than one should and get on with life because I have no choice. It’s just how it is.

If you have no commitments, can take days off work or work from home and want to stay on the sofa then go for it. Your not hurting anyone and It’s nothing to do with anyone else really

PinkHeart5914 · 08/04/2019 11:21

I don’t really get comments like this What do you think women did during the war? It doesn’t matter because you aren’t living in a war 🤷🏻‍♀️

SleepingSloth · 08/04/2019 11:22

Well I’ve 3 dc, a business and a home to run so wallowing for days isn’t really possible

It's not wallowing. It's getting through the pain. It's not convenient for my life to be affected so much, you imply it's a choice, it's not for many.

BadPennyNoBiscuit · 08/04/2019 11:25

To all the women who think that all you need to do to overcome any problem is just try harder.

Here, this is just for you Biscuit

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