AIBU to have abandoned potty training?

[TheSheepofWallSt]

DS is 2.6- had shown readiness and interest in potty training and initially was dry the whole day for 4-5 days.
The thought of pooing on the potty made him hysterical- I think he did it once or twice (once at soft play- which I thought was a real triumph).

At home he was doing great- at nursery things got worse and worse until 2 weeks in he didn’t go to the potty once.
The next morning, he absolutely refused to use the potty and was hysterical at the suggestion.

He was so emotional about it, I was worried forcing the issue would create a real aversion- so have put him back in nappies. He seemed relieved (oddly for a 2yo) but did say to me consistently throughout the day “I’ve just weed in my nappy. I think I’ll
Poo in my nappy” etc etc.

I think the best thing to do is rest the issue entirely until the Easter break- and if he seems happier with it “conceptually” then, really focus on it for the 5 days (if he’s still upset I’ll postpone obviously).

I felt okay about my decision but his keyworker and other nursery staff seemed disappointed and a bit shocked- I don’t know why, as they’d seen his pottying deteriorate to the point of non existence ...

So have I cocked up/BU? I didn’t think so, but now not sure at all...

Sorry - after a terrible week at nursery, he then also refused to use it at home. To the extent that he would stand next to it and pee in clothes, after being adament that he didn’t need to go..

He’s also been very clingy and upset at nursery drop off - including this morning back in nappies...

Being "adamant" about not needing to go continues for some time after potty training - my DGS says No when I ask him if he needs to wee, "I'm just doing my dance!" says he. But he does it in toilet in the end.

If I were you I would stick to your guns. Let the nursery be shocked - you know your child best. Hr won't be going on his first date in nappies!

Eh he's under three, let him work it out in his own time for now. I'd suggest getting him to still sit on the potty to pee and poo, even if he's sitting there with a nappy on. It'll keep him in the routine and eventually you can just undo one side of the nappy so that the poo kind of just hits the nappy first and then slides into the potty.

Free-fall poo is terrifying for toddlers until they know nothing bad will come of it! Poor little beggar.

If it's becoming a battle I would pause too.
My DD resisted potty training. She finally got round to using the potty for wees at around 2.5 but would hold on for a poo until her nappy went on at night. It was a pita and it probably took another 6 months before she would poo in the potty too.
On the plus side she never had any accidents outside the home. Once she was out of nappies she was entirely reliable and had it under control.

There's no rush. I think you're doing the right thing. My youngest was trained just after 2 my eldest was like your DS, physically ready but found it really upsetting. We left it pretty much up to him (he knew when he was ready he'd get a sticker chart and a prize when he completed it but there was no rush to get started). He decided around 3 to do it and it was effortless - no accidents at all.

Would he feel better using the actual toilet if it had one of those family seats on it? My 2 year old is quite tall and I'm wondering whether to just go straight to using the toilet as she sees us use it. Otherwise I would leave it too if it's causing distress.

Nope, you are right. Tell nursery to talk to the hand.

Mine were all really late potty training - really late - all just over 3. It just wasn't something I was prepared to make an issue of. The result? They all ended up being 'trained' within a day - really. They were just ready and they understood. So there was no training really. One was also immediately dry overnight too, the others took a bit longer.

When I see the absolute hellish time-consuming rigmarole people go through for this I am . Unless they are much older than yours, you can really save yourself a lot of time and washing by just leaving it for a bit.

I first attempted potty training with my dd when she was 2 (and 7 months), I lasted about 48 hours, she wet herself 5 times in the space of 2 hours so I called it a day.
We tried again 2 months later and it went really well in the main however poo remained an ongoing issue for about another 4-6 months. However a poo accident is a lot easier to deal with so it was never a problem. So YANBU to abandon potty training, I’d leave well alone for a few months and then have a go again. If they’re ready it should be relatively easy (in my incredibly limited experience)

My child had several disasterous attempts. I left it and tried again when he was 3.5. He cracked it in a day and has never had an accident. He simply wasn’t ready before.
Have a break and try again another time. He will get it eventually and there’s no prizes for how soon. You know him best, so do what you’re happy with.
Completely ignore the ‘my child was dry ten minutes after being born’ brigade. It’ll make you feel like a failure and it’s still very early days.

Given he is still young could you try using pull ups so he can use the potty easily but also accidents are less of a problem? It seems a shame not to use the potty at all given he is showing lots of signs of being ready.

You're right to wait til he's ready, but I would ask him how he feels about pooing on toilet. DD hated pooing on potty as she'd do such long turds (sorry TMI) that they'd touch her bum cheeks when she was on the potty- she had no issues when on toilet.

Thanks all.

Have a toilet seat but that has been similarly rejected as unacceptable. Also already in pull ups.

He is notoriously lazy about self care etc though- very much a “pampered prince” in terms of being dressed etc. Have to admit that’s my fault as it’s just the two of us and mornings are fucking frantic so will end up doing things for him, rather than waiting for him to do them.

He hates his own poo. He’ll scream “get that away from me!!!” When I change his nappy- and on occasion has gipped at the smell- no idea why, as I’m very calm about bodily functions and there’s no big deal made of fluids etc.

Poor kid- I often think how hard it is to be a baby/ toddler. Think I’ll definitely just park this until he’s ready.

My eldest was potty trained in a day at age 3.5. No issues, no fuss and no accidents.

I had tried at ages 2.5 and 3 and it was a disaster. Don’t force it and it’ll happen quickly when he’s fully ready

Don't beat yourself up. Pop can be the trickiest part of the whole potty training thing.
When you are ready, try again. And only when you think it's feasible.
Couple of things to try when you are trying again: open a nappy onto a potty on the floor. See if he'll sit on that and if he'll poo on it.
Blowing bubbles (real or imaginary) while you are sat wherever also gets the right muscles going for a poo. We had a hilarious omigoditsappedmysoul time with dd blowing a huge imaginary bubble that floated in the air and surrounded me. I had to pull all sorts of comical faces trying to pop my way out. Oh how I laughed.williteverendjustpooforheavenssake

Chocolate and wine for you. Bribes for him. You will both get through it. I promise.