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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate a last minute change in plans?

14 replies

Plinytheprettier · 27/03/2019 14:17

I know ABU to some degree, but DAE absolutely HATE last minute changes in plans?

I was meant to see my BF for a drink tonight, then he would stay with me. Then at the last minute his mum arranges dinner with the whole of his family (she's offered to pay for dinner and a taxi back if necessary).

Now I have to go home first before meeting them for dinner, which is rather a pain, but more than anything I find the psychology of having to adjust my expectations for the evening really difficult. I suffer from anxiety which doesn't help (I'm in therapy atm). But even after I told him I would rather go for a drink, he still says he wants to go for dinner (which I said is ok) Now part of me just wants to cancel all together

OP posts:

Whynham · 27/03/2019 14:26

Use this a step to overcome your anxiety, I'm sure your therapist would agree. Its an opportunity to experience something unexpected which may be better than your original plans. Don't cancel just because it wasn't what you expected.

Original poster

Plinytheprettier · 27/03/2019 15:02

I’m sure you’re right, I’m just having a difficult week and it can be hard to snap out of this sort of frame of mind

OP posts:

MeredithGrey1 · 27/03/2019 15:19

You sound very similar to me - I also have anxiety and like to know the plan (I generally don't mind what the plan is, as long as I know it, and it doesn't massively change last minute).

I agree with PP that its an opportunity to push your anxiety but if it feels too much, maybe think about you can do to feel like you have a bit more control of the situation (while still not cancelling). For example, do you know where you're going for dinner? If not, can you find out, and if you do, maybe look over the menu or something? It might help you put some new plans into your head? This would help me, sorry if its not the sort of thing that would help you.

Singlenotsingle · 27/03/2019 15:32

At least you're included in the dinner invitation. I was expecting you to say he was going off to dinner with the family and had blown you out! Off you go, and enjoy a lovely evening!

Purpleartichoke · 27/03/2019 15:36

A sudden group dinner would stress me out as well. I’m honestly not sure if I would go.

Original poster

Plinytheprettier · 27/03/2019 15:48

MeredithGrey1 thanks that's really helpful.
I understand it's important to push through it, although I think so many people don't understand just how overwhelming it can be even if its triggered by something petty!

OP posts:

RMogs · 27/03/2019 15:55

Also struggle with anxiety and a sudden group meal after planning a quiet night would really make me struggle.

If you can, try and push through, but not if it's going to cause you a lot of trauma.

Treaclesweet · 27/03/2019 17:22

Yes I am the same.

What I find helps after a sudden plan change is to give it 15 min & think through all the 'steps' of the new plan. Usually after that I am okish.

It can make me very emotional and cross though so you are definitely not alone.

Original poster

Plinytheprettier · 27/03/2019 17:44

Thanks both - glad to hear I’m not the only one

OP posts:

thirstyformore · 27/03/2019 17:50

I don’t suffer from anxiety but also dislike changes in plans. I like to know what I’m doing and when (and for how long) as I like to be in charge of my own time. It doesn’t make anxious when things change but I do sometimes get annoyed and a little stressy!!

Some people thrive on the unexpected. I am not one of them!

CloserIAm2Fine · 27/03/2019 17:51

meredith that’s exactly what I always say too! I don’t really mind what the plan is but I need to know it and I don’t like it changing. Although actually if it changes once I’m there I’m generally ok, probably because I don’t have time to get stressed about it.

blackteasplease · 27/03/2019 19:11

I hate it. Really hate it. Like to know what is going to be happening and be able to visualise it in advance.

TwistedAnkle · 27/03/2019 19:26

I know how you feel. I used to be like this. Hated changes of plans or people being late. Worked through it in counselling. Understanding how the feelings of being let down as a child and feeling very insecure were being reignited in these situation. Therapy helped to separate it. Still not overly chuffed with feeling let down but can keep it in perspective and not let it overwhelm me.

Cinnamonhazelnut · 27/03/2019 19:47

No, your not BU. it's quite a big mental change from drink and just one other person to last minute plans with a group. Especially if your a planner and have already designed your behaviour and day around the previous plans.

I feel like this if a plan suddenly changes. My mind just cant comprehend the change after being so set on the old plan that I just go into a bit of a meltdown.

I've never thought of it as anxiety though however more and more I'm starting to think maybe that's what it is. Teamed with other little 'quirks' of mine. Hmmm.

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