4yo being shown MoMo, driving a car and skinning a deer!

[DTG23]

So I have full custody but acces rights to her father (and I facilitate it all). Every bloody weekend after DD visit I learn that there have been totally unacceptable (to me and my partner) activities.
This weekend, her Dads non biological tenneage daughter introduced my 4yo to MoMo. This was also the weekend he ‘forgot’ a school party and she returned wearing the same (and not clean) pants that I sent her in on Friday!!!
A month ago, she told me drive a car with a teenager in a pub car park... oh and she has been poking a dead deers bum with a knife.
Please help me understand what I am meant to do?? I have acknowledged that we have different parenting standards but is this acceptable or AIBU?

You know full well it's not reasonable and I'd be speaking to him about it, but unfortuately thats about as much as you can do unless you want to take it back to court

Showing that to a 4 year old of course it's not acceptable. Its sick.

I’d be going back to court

She'll live. I'd be questioning to validity of a 4 year olds version of events before getting your knickers in a twist. Skinning a deer would be a good lesson. Maybe not to actually participate at that age, but you're never too young to appreciate where your food comes from.

If she is being neglected then you need to stop her going and let him take you back to court where you will have to prove it [disclaimer I don't know how this works legally but sometimes the other parent won't pursue it]. Can you ask social care for advice.

Thank you. I have addressed it all and through text, kept a record of the things that worry me. He keeps telling me to ‘stop getting bent up’ ‘lighten up’ and that I am only making an issue to be a pain. The court awarded me full custody on the basis of the care we give and that he doesn’t meet the same standards.
Her version of events are always confirmed by him but he doesn’t see the wrong.
Luckily for us, she is well adjusted and always feels comfortable telling us about this stuff but if she tells school/ SS I can’t defend him and his actions and I won’t.
We have the evidence but not the money to go back to court

O/T what is 'MoMo'

and have you name changed?

• forgot a school partry - hands up, we're all guilty of that

• didnt change pants - not good but not something I could get completely worked up about - you only have to look at the 'how often you change you bra thread' or 'how often do you shower' threads to see standards vary wildly

• driving in a pub car park - nah, I'd want to know what that actaully meant . A 4yo couldnt reach the pedals and see over the wheel, so sitting on someones lap in a safe environment, holding the wheel whilst someone else is also holding the wheel isn't goign to revoke access. You'll also get parents on her whose kids do competitive carting at that age, or live on farms and operate quads at that age.

• 'poking a dead deers bum with a knife' - I dont believe that is a 4yo terminology. TBH kids like poking in muck. Again I couldnt get worked up about that (remembering back to that age where I was always headfirst in manky ponds looking at toads and newts and covered in slime).

My issue is with this line Every bloody weekend after DD visit I learn that there have been totally unacceptable (to me and my partner) and it just makes me ask WTF does your current partner have to do with the way your ex chooses to parent? nothing, thats what.

but if she tells school/ SS I can’t defend him and his actions and I won’t. there isnt anything that SS would pick up on.

Hi,

Thanks for your honesty. Yes there are a couple of things in isolation that shouldn’t/ don’t mater. In isolation!

MoMo is a nasty internet thing that involves children being exposed to a gruesome figure who encourages children to engage with them and threatens them. I don’t want to go into it (google if you like) the MoMo challenge.

The pub car park was on the lap of a 17yo. Not safe and not an appropriate thing IMO.

The poking the deer was the terminology she used. He also confirmed it.

I referenced my partner because we both parent my DD and her level of standards are the same as mine. Her safety and any potential risk is absolutely relevant to a significant adult.

I was seeking a round balance of opinion and I appreciate the feedback. I’m not here to get grief or fuel any personal motives of others

I am really interested in the deliberate minimising here.
"She'll live"
Fuckinghell.