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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School banning hugs

25 replies

Justicegf · 21/03/2019 20:51

Just that really.
DC's secondary school has just implemented a no hug rule with a consequence of detention.

DC is gay and has been a victim of hate crime many times in school, the latest time a few days ago. DC says teachers have ignored friends hugging and told DC and partner to stop and so DC feels targeted.

Aibu to be that parent and complain?

OP posts:
QueenofCBA · 21/03/2019 20:57

If they want a ban on hugging it needs to be universal / non-discriminatory. Complain about it and mention their hypocrisy.

Serin · 21/03/2019 21:29

YANBU.
How ridiculous.
If I was sure DC and partner were just hugging (and not snogging each others faces off) I would complain too.

JessicaWakefieldSVH · 21/03/2019 21:33

YANBU my DD tells me her and her friends hug at school often- she’s autistic and loves to hug if people are ok with it. Seems very strange to ban it. If your child feels targeted, absolutely tell them

BellaVista1540 · 21/03/2019 21:36

whats your DS’s sexuality got to do with it?

malmi · 21/03/2019 21:40

They are letting 'no hugging' slide when apparently platonic, i.e. same-sex hugging, but enforcing the rule against OP's DS because they judge him to be engaging in non-platonic same-sex hugging.

The whole thing is stupid because hugging is great and almost always platonic when done correctly.

BellaVista1540 · 21/03/2019 21:42

Oh I see, the OP never said the school SLT, board of governors and local authority were homophobic. I get it now Confused

Seeleyboo · 21/03/2019 21:53

Oh ffs. We all need hugs. Tell the school to ffffff. Ok not quite but still. Human contact is a must. Tell your DS to hug away.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 21/03/2019 21:58

I can see how teachers wouldn't bother with 'friendly' hugs. But if kids are in a relationship those 'hugs' will be a lot more sexualised and teachers are right to stop them. Don't see how you son is being targeted.

NailsNeedDoing · 21/03/2019 22:00

There can be platonic friendly hugging and hugging between people who are physically attracted to each other. One is acceptable at school and one isn't, regardless of whether it's same sex or opposite sex people doing it.

Find out what it is exactly that they are trying to ban before you complain.

SmileEachDay · 21/03/2019 22:03

Jees. The school has made a completely non enforceable pointless rule that will cause conflict with students.

We have a slightly amorous couple in year 10 at the moment and a bit of good naturedmild teasing does the trick.

Silly rule.

BellaVista1540 · 21/03/2019 22:09

@SmileEachDay so #metoo is a silly concept? Cos ‘hugs’ are part of that

Chouetted · 21/03/2019 22:15

Is this a modern incarnation of the old "six inch rule"? It's probably a good idea but needs to be enforced fairly.

Bookworm01 · 21/03/2019 22:21

It's a stupid rule. Rather than impose it, why doesn't the school teach consent and about personal space in SRE instead?

YYY to pointing out the hypocrisy.

FullOfJellyBeans · 21/03/2019 22:24

I think it seems like a silly rule. On the other hand are you sure your DS is just hugging his partner in a friendly way? If they're getting hot and heavy then there would be a reason for the school to object. If they're doing the same as platonic friends then obviously it would be hypocritical.

SmileEachDay · 21/03/2019 22:34

@SmileEachDay so #metoo is a silly concept? Cos ‘hugs’ are part of that

What the fuck?

Lovingbenidorm · 21/03/2019 22:38

Don’t want to out anyone here but my dd told me today of an event at school where 2 girls were ‘snitched on’ by another girl for ‘making out’
Could this be the same school?!
My feelings are that school is not really an appropriate place for anyone, totally regardless of sex and/or gender to be getting jiggy but I certainly take objection to a ‘no hugs’ rule.
If it was my dc, I think I would definitely be having words with the school.
Surely the issue is ‘don’t snog in school ‘
I say again regardless of anything else.
Hugs are lovely and should NOT be banned!!

CheshireChat · 21/03/2019 22:41

Banning hugging in general is bloody stupid.

If kids get a bit heavy, then deal with that don't ban basic human contact.

This reminds me of a headteacher that dealt with difficult teens, and after allowing small, physical contact the rate of violent offences plummeted.

Lovingbenidorm · 21/03/2019 23:10

Why are some people assuming that op’s dc is a boy?
She never said

Rottencooking · 21/03/2019 23:14

@lovingbenidorm why are you assuming OP is female? They never said. [santa]

PurpleDaisies · 21/03/2019 23:14

There are hugs and there are hugs. Was it possible that the hug between partners was a bit more amorous than you were told?

I agree a blanket ban on hugs is wrong.

Lovingbenidorm · 21/03/2019 23:16

Rotten I’m not assuming anything! Just pointing out that op didn’t disclose whether her dc was a boy or a girl.
A few posts have said “he” and “DS”

Lovingbenidorm · 21/03/2019 23:21

Oh Rotten ! Yes, thank you, just caught on.
I have no idea if op is Male, female or indeed any of the many other options available now.
I apologise

Original poster
Justicegf · 21/03/2019 23:26

It was just hugging.
DC was told it was a new whole school rule but I've asked friends with DC's in the same school and they haven't heard of it yet. Hmm
There is a lot of hate/bullying at school and online because they are gay. They are both very sensitive about different treatment to them than other children.

OP posts:
Lovingbenidorm · 21/03/2019 23:40

Don’t think it can be the same school op. My dc’s School is certainly not known for hate crimes, bullying or homophobia.
Who did you hear this new school rule from?
If your child was hugging someone else, a friend or partner, then there is absolutely no reason at all for it to be banned

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