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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t like my neice.....

62 replies

cheeseandegg · 15/03/2019 16:43

I just don’t like her! I feel awful, but I don’t. She’s only 7 but she’s unkind and a bully to my DD the same age. She is an only child. She will be cruel to my DD. My DD will retaliate and she will run and tell her Mum my DD has been. This starts within 5 minutes of her getting to our house. She will find out what my DD would like for her birthday in 3 months time, then arrive at our house with item for herself having been bought it the next day. The first thing she says when we see her is “look what I’ve got” not even a hello! Am I being horrid? She’s a little girl?

OP posts:
HopeClearwater · 15/03/2019 16:46

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DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/03/2019 16:47

Well, even 7 year olds can be unpleasant, but this is clearly learned (and excused) behaviour, especially the present thing.

Original poster
cheeseandegg · 15/03/2019 16:48

Smile I know! Typed in a hurry!

OP posts:
RabbityMcRabbit · 15/03/2019 16:49

The fact that she's an only child has no bearing on whether she's kind or not l. This kind of comment really annoys me. It's to do with her upbringing. YANBU to not like her, but you need to hide those feelings as she's a child. Next time she does the "look what I've got" just say "oh that's nice" and then change the subject.

GiveMeSteam · 15/03/2019 16:51

I dislike my nephew but hopefully he has no idea (he’s 9). I think he’s rude and spoiled, but hopefully, even though he ignores me right now, he will grow up knowing that I’ll always be there for him whatever happens.

Original poster
cheeseandegg · 15/03/2019 16:51

RabbityMcRabbit You are right! It doesn’t matter that she’s an only child, I thought someone would ask if I liked her sibling(s).

OP posts:
KM99 · 15/03/2019 16:53

RabbityMcRabbit totally agree with you. As an only child myself (and with a DS who is an only child) this stereotyping gives me the rage. I would never behave like that and neither would my son because, you know, proper parenting.

mummymeister · 15/03/2019 16:53

does it really bother your daughter or just you? sometimes adults are more sensitive to this than other children. Mums can hold a grudge against childrens friends after their child has had a row with them and it goes on long after your child has forgotten all about it. ask your daughter if it bothers her and if it doesn't just forget about it. if it does then explain to her that not everyone, even family, can be nice all of the time and that she needs to be cautious around this girl. don't fall into the tit for tat trap though of saying stuff like "oh dd wanted that but now she hates it" etc. We cant all love all of our family equally.

Birdsgottafly · 15/03/2019 16:54

How is she your Niece? Are you close enough to pull the Parents up, if it's your Partner's Sibling, can they?

How do her Parents react to her behaviour?

A lot of 7/8 year old children go through bratty behaviour, but it's up to the Parents to handle it.

Original poster
cheeseandegg · 15/03/2019 16:55

GiveMeSteam I’m thankful I’m not alone. I hope she has no idea and will always think our home is her home!

OP posts:
lablablab · 15/03/2019 16:56

Call her out on it every time.

Niece: "look what I've got"
You: "that's funny, that's just the toy that done DD said that she wanted for her birthday"

Niece: "dd did this, said that"
You: "I think I have just heard you say the same thing to dd, so why don't you both try to be nice to each other"

All said in a nice breezy no nonsense way will help set the record straight and let niece know you're onto her game. Hopefully she'll grow out of it. Confused

MammaMia19 · 15/03/2019 16:57

My niece is spoilt and has never heard the word no in her life but my brother is very quick to tell my Dd off! I get where you are coming from! She even tells my mum to move out of a chair and she will do it! It is the parenting and not the child's fault though so I try to let a lot go over my head.

Original poster
cheeseandegg · 15/03/2019 16:58

mummymeister my DD doesn’t really like her very much. She thinks she’s mean to her. When she arrives with things she knows my DD has asked for I always do the whole WOW that’s amazing, you are so lucky blah blah blah

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 15/03/2019 17:00

Is her mother competitive? Is she buying these things and allowing her dd to show off with them? She is learning this type of behavior from somewhere.

HaveACupOfCoffee · 15/03/2019 17:01

I have no advice, but My nephew is the same. He’s like the human version of Bing Bunny but my sister is no Flop. He’s pandered to, spoilt and the head of their household. I love him, but if he was a friend instead of their cousin I would never let them invite him over to play.

BlueMerchant · 15/03/2019 17:01

I'd keep them at a distance and not act so impressed.

PositiveVibez · 15/03/2019 17:08

Not your nieces fault. Its their parents fault. Is it your nice in law? I'm guessing it is.

It's much easier to get annoyed at your husbands sisters/brothers kids than your own siblings.

If it was my sisters children I would tell them not to be mean. This is trickier when it's the in laws children.

Remember though it's the parents fault and not the child's.

I would be extra kind to try and counteract the perceived meanness.

ShinyRuby · 15/03/2019 17:08

Just play it down when she's showing off her latest toy. Dont rave about it, a simple "oh lovely" & then move on. You wouldn't like any child that behaved like this towards your dd, seven year olds can be pretty mean sometimes but it's usually down to insecurities & a bit of jealousy. Most children just want time from parents, the fact she's showing off new stuff shows she's missing something from her own parents. Do you see a lot of her? Keep neutral, sounds like you're doing a good job for your own dd.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/03/2019 17:08

slow handclap for HopeClearwater.

I like lablablab's advice, OP. Your niece does sound a bit of a pain. As long as your daughter sees you presenting a united front with her then all should resolve itself when your niece realises there's no purchase to be gained from her behaviour.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/03/2019 17:10

Could you get together with your dd and next time she asks what she wants for her Birthday you come up with something Dd doesn’t want and when she arrives with it the next time Dd can comment that she has changed her mind on what she wanted because she has outgrown the toy.

And do it every time.

Might put a stop to that bit of lunacy

Bahhhhhumbug · 15/03/2019 17:15

My step dgs is a very unlikeable child and its horrible to think like that about a child (he's 12 though so a bit older) but we can't help these primal feelings especially when another child's behaviour is hurting a loved one of yours. My Dsgs is horrible and lies about his half dsis who is my biogical DGD so that's why l struggle very much with him. I just avoid as much as poss, visit when he's at school or out on some activity or other.

Toooldtocareanymore · 15/03/2019 17:16

just keep repeating the chant as you take a deep breath, she's only 7 she's not the worst, (well she hasn't set fire to your home, on purpose!!or smashed your toilet with her fathers new aftershave bottle she threw in it, as she didn't get a present for his birthday, or hidden your keys and purse on way to airport on family holiday when she wasn't allowed fill her brothers bag - all of which my niece did on her parents) she will learn, meanwhile teach you dd to answer if she's asked what she wants for next occasion, oh I don't want presents i'm giving to charity or getting a pony or something else ludicrous , leave her mum to deal with that.

kaitlinktm · 15/03/2019 17:17

When she arrives with things she knows my DD has asked for I always do the whole WOW that’s amazing, you are so lucky blah blah blah

Why would you do this? Just say "That's nice dear" and then move on to something else. Don't reward bratty behaviour with praise and attention.

kaitlinktm · 15/03/2019 17:18

Oh - and get DD to say she hasn't decided what she wants yet for birthday or Christmas.

BMW6 · 15/03/2019 17:20

Personally I'd have as little to do with them as possible.