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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister keeps attention seeking

17 replies

6Kolacubes · 12/03/2019 18:12

Hi
Very long history with my older sister, her and her husband have a very volatile relationship with an ongoing issue of children - he wants one, she’s always said she doesn’t.
This has led to many issues in the last 10-12 years which has resulted in her being the main focus of my parents attention.
Fast forward to last year when I announce my pregnancy (recently married and wanted baby) and she began to be more attention seeking than usual with lots of minor things ( too many to mention)
Lots of upsetting scenarios like no congratulation, no comment on scans, no visit in hospital when baby was born (I was admitted for a week due to a massive blood loss)
She has visited baby 3 times in 2 months and lives on the same road as us.
Here is the worst bit - when baby was born her husband and her have a blazing row as he’doesbt want to hear about babies as he doesn’t have one’ no visit or text from him 🙈 the day we get discharged sister asks for family meeting and announces that she has changed her mind and wants a baby.
Now, my baby is 8 weeks and she announces she is pregnant, around 6 weeks.
So basically she has conceived when my baby was discharged from hospital after 10 years of not wanting a baby.
Am I right tk have mixed feelings? I am excited to have a niece or nephew but so drained of their drama and feel that my little baba will now get pushed to the side by my parents 😐 please someone tell me I’m normal and not a horrible bitter bitch here

OP posts:
TheLoneWolfDies · 12/03/2019 18:15

Your definatly normal. Try not to let her get to you though, just concentrate on you and your baby. She sounds awful.

Singlenotsingle · 12/03/2019 18:23

Of course you're not horrible! Surely she hasn't just got pregnant just for some attention? She'll find she'll have to be giving the attention to someone else, not getting it herself!

It'll be interesting. Sleepless nights, nappies, no time to herself, sicky baby throwing up, screaming. I don't envy her if she doesn't actually want a baby anyway. Hopefully your mum will dispense her time and favours equally, but your baby will always be doing new things first. Walking, talking, potty training.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2019 18:24

Ignoring her completely is your best course of action. I feel sorry for her. Her desperate need for attention just shows how low her sense of self-esteem is. Just focus on your little family and leave her problems to her.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/03/2019 18:26

She sounds like a nightmare. Just detach as much as you can, focus on your own baby and family and don’t get owned by her drama.

Maybe this is the day you smile, shrug, and understand that you need some distance from her and the element of your family dynamic that supercharges this.

ThreeBagsFullofWool · 12/03/2019 18:30

Just treat her and her husband as they've treated you.

Littleraindrop15 · 12/03/2019 18:34

Think if I was in your position I would of said something like... Oh you must be so devasted to have found out you are pregnant are you considering an abortion as I know how you never wanted one, plus can't see you being all maternal.

Wait as your sister clutches her pearls and throws a strop...

But I can be a real bitch and petty sometimes

Ellisandra · 12/03/2019 18:38

So she’s possibly finally been bullied into having a baby she doesn’t want by her husband, and you think she’s doing it to steal the limelight from you?

Remember that if your parents give their baby more attention that your baby, that’s actually your parent’s a thing fault - not your sister’s.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 12/03/2019 18:42

I think you're being unreasonable actually, maybe your sister is so upset about her DH not wanting a baby so she doesn't want to spend time around your baby. I don't think any of your examples are particularly bad.

I'm sure she's not got pregnant to steal your thunder, maybe try and be happy for her

PutyourtoponTrevor · 12/03/2019 18:43

I misread the post, apologies, it was she that didn't want kids

Original poster
6Kolacubes · 12/03/2019 18:49

I totally understand that if my parents mollycoddle and pander it’s their issue, and I would be very sensitive to any upset, if they perhaps had tried and couldn’t conceive etc. But this isn’t the case. She has openly said how pregnant women are repulsive and how pregnancy sounds disgusting. When asking how I gave birth (very traumatic and scary experience) I told her and she shrugged and said how awful it was to hear and why didn’t I get a caesarean?!
I suppose there’s a tonne of history that predates this too.
I am just glad to hear from most that I’m not going mad. I will just embrace a niece or nephew of my own and focus on that 🙈

OP posts:
ThreeBagsFullofWool · 12/03/2019 19:03

On reading this again I suspect your sister got in a lot more arguments with her husband while you were pregnant hence maybe why she had more issues and that he gave her an ultimatum after you gave birth.

I suspect they'll be divorced in 2 years, which will probably be for the best since if I'm right about the above then he's emotionally abusive.

TwoRoundabouts · 12/03/2019 19:06

Your sister is in for a shock as when the baby is born she won't be the centre of attention. And that baby will be lucky to have its grandparents around as your sister sounds deranged.

If possible I suggest you move a few miles away from them or preferably to a different town/city for a number of reasons as soon as feasible.

Jinglesplodge · 12/03/2019 19:12

Like others have said, I'd be worried that your sister's relationship may be abusive: a husband who is furious with her about not having children and who is behaving in that way might well have put her under undue pressure to get pregnant. I really do sympathise with the disappointment you feel at the way this special time in your life is playing out but I think you need to count your blessings that you've had a healthy baby, with a husband with whom you have a respectful relationship. Your sister is going to have a hard time from here on in, especially if she really did not want to be in this position.

TriciaH87 · 12/03/2019 19:13

I would be thrilled that my baby is going to have a cousin just down the street around the same age. I would suggest reaching out to your sister but don't threat i was worried when my brother had his daughter as they live far away so when visiting i thought my mum would push my boys out in favour of her. Turns out grand parents have far too much love to give to just one child.

warriorprincessandwidowed · 12/03/2019 19:18

Your sister is a knob
Your parents are no better.
Move far far away because when they favour the defenceless child the mess that your sister is having you will be hurt.

Your not a weirdo your family is.

AzureApps · 12/03/2019 19:30

I think the back story is skewing your view a bit, I didn’t get a text or individual attention from my BIL when I had my DC, nor would I expect it.

I think that you need to smile and nod, don’t share intimacies with your Dsis. Expect her to be super high maintenance in pregnancy, it sounds like she has been pushed into this decision and won’t embrace anything uncomfortable. When your DN arrives be helpful, excited and kind.

A big congratulations on the birth of your baby, try not to let this detract from your enjoyment of this really special time.

TwoRoundabouts · 12/03/2019 21:28

Don't be helpful or extremely kind just be pleasant otherwise you will end up looking after that child a lot as well.

And as I said before move away if you can.

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