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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I need a good, old fashioned MN pep talk

30 replies

Peasoupgreen · 10/03/2019 20:49

Have name changed.

I realise this is pathetic and that people deal with way worse every day. But please don't flame me. For context, I have PND. Been on waiting list for therapy for three months with no end in sight. It's been the worst experience of my life. DH works FT, I'm on Mat leave.

For the past couple of days I've been feeling poorly with a heavy cold and a sore throat and to top it all off last night I came down with food poisoning. I was up all night being violently ill, my stomach is still upset now and I still can't face food. I have IBS so it always takes me longer than average to get over anything gastro related unfortunately.

This morning I realised that the baby (almost 5 months) has caught my cold and also has conjunctivitis. He's miserable, clingy and has thrown up a couple of his bottles due to coughing. I know I'm in for another sleepless night tonight as I'll be so worried about him being sick in his crib and choking. At bedtime this evening DD (5) was very sniffly and kept saying that her eyes "feel like they have sand in them" (classic conjunctivitis). She's in bed now and I can hear her coughing and sniffling, poor thing, so unlikely she'll be at school tomorrow.

DH will be out of the house from 7am until 7pm at all earliest tomorrow and all this week, as is normal for him. He can't take time off, he's delivering a week long training course that people have come from abroad for. My parents are away, PIL aren't interested, all my friends will be working. I was already feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and completely exhausted before all this illness struck but now the prospect of a long day alone with a poorly baby and poorly 5yo when I'm not well myself just seems terrifying. I've lost all confidence in my ability to cope. A lot of my PND related worries revolve around the health of the DC so it's hard to be rational.

I know I need to put on my big girl pants and get on with it. Would just be really grateful for any words of encouragement, a hand holding, a pep talk, advice on getting through the next few days until we're hopefully an illness free household again.. anything really.

Thanks. Sorry if was long Blush

OP posts:
PurpleWithRed · 10/03/2019 20:53

Oh you poor thing Flowers what a bum deal. Plan to only do the absolute minimum you need to do to survive the next few days, sleep when you can, eat when you can, and let DH fend for himself. This too will pass ((((hugs))))

DesperatelySeekingSu · 10/03/2019 20:55

I understand how you feel. It’s hard enough when you feel well but illness can feel like it tips you over the edge.

It will be a difficult few days but you can do and you will do it.

You sound like a lovely mummy, just need to find your inner strength. You can do it xx

JaneEyre07 · 10/03/2019 20:56

You'll get through it.

Do as the PP said and literally do the basics. No housework, washing, cleaning. Just do food and drinks, and make beds in the living room by the TV. Nothing else matters.

DoomOnTheBroom · 10/03/2019 20:56

You poor thing, you've got a lot on your plate.

For tomorrow have a duvet day. Literally. Duvet on the sofa and throw away any standards that you usually have. 5yo on the iPad or watching unlimited Cbeebies or films? If it gets you through then do it. If anyone feels like eating then make whatever is easiest - cereal, toast, sandwiches. If they sleep, have a sleep too. Basically just do whatever you need to do and limp through it until DH gets home then he can take over and do bedtime Flowers

MrsWooster · 10/03/2019 21:00

Batten down the hatches. Get dh to go to the 24 hour garage and get eye drops and plain, easy to nibble snacks for you and dd, tomorrow hit the sofa and all three of you doze the day away watching cbeebies or listening to stories and drift through the day. Good luck.

MrsWooster · 10/03/2019 21:01

Note self: type Faster!

lljkk · 10/03/2019 21:02

Pamper yourself tomorrow(!)
If you get to end of tomorrow & everyone is safe, fed, & clean, then you did an amazing job. Don't pressure yourself to achieve more.

OpiesOldLady · 10/03/2019 21:02

Oh you poor love. It sounds so stressy, but you can do it.

Firstly, make sure you have enough calpol in, also cotton balls for eye wiping and a jug of pre boiled water. I'd either make a camp in your bed - if that's where the TV is - or on the sofa, with duvets and tissues and plenty of snacks and drinks. It's going to be tough but if you're all together then you won't need to keep getting up and down.

Secondly, just forget everything that isn't concentrating on getting you all better. Housework etc can wait.

You can do this, promise.

lljkk · 10/03/2019 21:05

Could you do anything social tomorrow? I mean as simple as chatting to a neighbour or getting a friend to drop in, or even just a phone call to another adult. I know it would help me.

Gosh, HomeStart still exists. PND is on their list of reasons to become regular visitors. I know tomorrow is too soon for a HomeStarter to visit, but might be a line of support you can get rolling in next few weeks?

AntiHop · 10/03/2019 21:06

Put cbeebies on for the whole day. You're absolutely allowed unlimited TV for the kids tomorrow.

Plus you don't need to keep kids off school for conjunctivitis.

Original poster
Peasoupgreen · 10/03/2019 21:07

Thank you all. I was honestly prepared to be flamed for being so pathetic. Nest of vipers, my arse. You're all bloody lovely.

It's so strange, I've always been someone who was really happy in their own company and very independent but since PND started I feel anxious about being on my own with the DC generally, let alone when they're ill. I also get really down on myself and feel like a shit mum for not being 'productive' enough or not constantly doing stimulating, educational stuff with the DC, cooking everything from scratch etc. Just need to grit my teeth, accept that not much is going to get done around here for a couple of days and get through it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peasoupgreen · 10/03/2019 21:13

Plus you don't need to keep kids off school for conjunctivitis

Really? I thought it was super contagious. I remember Nursery sending DD home because of it when she was little.

OP posts:
Beniejaney · 10/03/2019 21:21

Flowers oh i really do feel for you. Being poorly is bad enough without the littles ones to deal with. I had a vomiting bug this week, plus 3 DC (under 6) at home because of the --bloody-- necessary 48 hour school rule. I did whst PP said, kids on tv / ipad / watching films all day and drove to McDonalds drive through complete with pjs & bucket just incase for their lunch. I counted dpwn the long painful 12 hours for DH to get home (felt like 12 days) but I got through it and you will too. You got this!

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 10/03/2019 21:23

You dont need a pep talk you need a hug Flowers

Just set yourself up for a duvet day tomorrow- get DH to bring home any tissues, calpol etc home with him. Then tomorrow, get the duvets down to the sofa and have a duvet day with your little ones.

A lovely cuddly duvet day can do masses to help- plus you are already coping. These are just a rough couple of days. You will be grand.

katmarie · 10/03/2019 21:25

NHS guidelines say that kids don't need to be kept home with conjunctivitis. It is super contagious, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a minor illness.

however, no one would blame you for taking a couple of duvet days for you all. If you have a slow cooker get DH to shove some ingredients in it before he goes out the door. If not, tell him he's picking up takeaway on his way home. Get him to help you prep some snacks/lunch etc for the kids that can just go in the fridge for you to grab when you want them.

Lower your standards, or even abandon them completely. Focus on what absolutely must be done to keep you three going. I guarantee it will not involve a vaccum cleaner or a duster. Hunker down, lots of blankets, pillows and tv. pretend the world doesn't exist for a day or two. Hope you feel better soon :)

Bobbiepin · 10/03/2019 21:26

It is contagious but WHO and NHS guidance state no reason to keep them off. Maybe ring school in the morning and see if they'd be ok with it?

Otherwise it's not about big girl pants. For a couple of days take the pressure off yourself. Do what you need to do to get through it. Aim to get some fresh air if you can. Hope you're all feeling better soon.

ColourMeExhausted · 10/03/2019 21:30

You poor thing OP, that sounds awful Flowers I remember being on maternity leave with my 3 month baby and 2 year old, and coming down with a UTI. I didn't sleep at all the first night and was so ill the following morning, but DH had to go into work that morning. My friend came over to help, I could not cope by myself and it was scary. Being ill and exhausted but having to pull it together to look after ill kids is the absolute worst. And I didn't have PND so can only imagine how hard it is for you.

Agree with the sound advice on here about battening down the hatches and doing as little as possible. You're already enough of a super mum just getting through this! Do you have any friends who could pop over and help a bit? This will pass, just know you can get through.

SummerInSun · 10/03/2019 21:36

Just another voice saying that it's totally understandable that you feel the way you do. Don't beat yourself up about it, or think you are somehow failing some mythical standard of motherhood (that doesn't exist in the real world anyway). I agree with all the other PPs - suspend all normal standards/rules about limiting screen time, eating balanced meals, housework/chores and just do whatever the minimum is to get by. Stay warm, hydrated, calpol-ed up and fed on whatever the easiest and simplest thing is (a couple of days living on toast won't do anyone any harm). Do not, under any circumstances, feel guilty about any of this.

SoaringSwallow · 10/03/2019 21:38

Flipping heck that sounds like multiple piles of crap!

The next few days don't worry about getting anything done. If you want to be productive, it'll be measured in cuddles. Order food in if you can, nobody has to eat anything they don't want to (don't add to stress in any way).

If DH is back at 7pm then can he immediately take over child care (watching out for conjunctivitis as that won't help his training!) and you nap for a couple of hours? Or at least take the baby and you put DD to be abd sleep a bit too?

If DH likes a tidy house and meals ready maybe pre-warn him that those things shan't be happening (purely because it'll reduce your stress, not because he should expect those things).

Let everything go until the weekend and you'll probably find things improve before then.

Original poster
Peasoupgreen · 10/03/2019 21:57

Thank you all.

Will see how DD is in the morning and if she's well in herself other than sticky eyes will just ring school and check they're ok with her going in. If she has come down with this rotten cold me and baby have got then I don't think I can send her in but she can just have a duvet and cbeebies/tablet day as you've all suggested.

No friends who can pop round unfortunately as they're all working or at home with very young DC so wouldn't expect them to enter the house of germs!

DH has just washed and sterilised a load of bottles ready for tomorrow and he's washed and dried a couple of loads of laundry so that's something I don't need to think about tomorrow. He's definitely not the sort to get funny about the house not being in order or dinner not being done etc, it's more me that beats myself up about that stuff.

OP posts:
ILiveInSalemsLot · 10/03/2019 22:11

You’re not pathetic at all! It sounds like a trying time.

I agree with everyone to take it easy. Tv and blankets on the sofa is fine.
If you do all feel up to it, take a walk to the local shops and to buy some soup or just get a bit of fresh air. Even just opening the windows for a bit helps if you’re not up to going out.

Otherwise, feet up and just relax and get better. All the best op.

PaulineK32 · 10/03/2019 22:12

You need to phone the doctors ASAP and get an appointment and tell them how overwhelmed you are feeling as it sounds like you body is just about ready to give up. You need to speak to a health care professional and get some help and support. PND will not go away without you seeking help. It's great that you've reached out on here but speaking to someone face to face and having them tell you it's all going to be ok is far more reassuring.

peachgreen · 10/03/2019 22:22

Definitely get your HV to refer you to Home-Start OP - they were a lifesaver through my PND, really and truly.

hiddeneverything · 10/03/2019 22:29

I had a moment like that today when dh went to work, and I regularly worry about bro g alone with both dc, but try to just get out a tiny walk round the block once or twice tomorrow. It will break the day up so much for you all. I did that today and it rescued the day. Hope you're felling better soon

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 10/03/2019 22:40

Oh bless you my lovely. I remember a hideous couple of days when dd2 was about a month old and dd1 had just turned 2. I came down with a sickness bug and had to look after the 2 of them whilst dh was out of the house for 12 hours. My main memory is of poor dd2 screaming all day because I had to keep stopping her mid feed to go and puke!

The housework etc can get to fuck. Settle down on the sofa for the day with tv/iPad etc for dd. It doesn't matter if all she eats all day is cereal or beans on toast. Get through it as best you can and remember that this too shall pass Flowers