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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...in not allowing my dd (8) to have all the latest gadgets??!!!

43 replies

justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 18:52

My DD is 8.5yrs old - she's a bright kid and up until now has been happy with her library of books (she's a real bookworm) and our pc which she loves to use.

But she's now constantly asking for a mobile phone and a Gameboy.....just because her mates have them.

I don't see the point in buying a mobile phone because she's too young to go out/down the town etc on her own and a Gameboy, in my view, teaches her nothing and does nothing for her eyesight.

Am I right or wrong??

I let her play with her mates, she has mates over for tea, she's going away on residential trips soon, after school clubs, discos...so its not a case of me holding her back but I just don't see the point in forking out for electronic gadgets!

OP posts:
BettySpaghetti · 08/07/2007 18:57

Her friends have mobiles at 8

My DD is 7.5 -she doesn't have a mobile and neither do any of her friends or classmates to my knowledge.

She does have a Gameboy but thats only because I won one here on MN . Some of her friends have Gameboys, DSs or similar but not all of them by any means.

There is no problem with not owning theses things at age 8 IMO

ChipButty · 08/07/2007 18:58

I'm with you JustGiveMeOneMinute. It's a slippery slope if you start now. There's plenty of time for mobiles etc when they are older.

tuppy · 08/07/2007 18:59

I agree with you; ds1 and 2 got phones at 13 and 11 last September. Ds1 was starting senior school, and although ds2 stayed at his old school, his afternoon school bus means that he sometimes lets himself in and is not always under my supervision.

Dd is 8 and knows better than to ask me whether she can have a phone.

None of mine have gameboys or similar.

Splishysploshy · 08/07/2007 19:03

My DD does have a gameboy but it is her older brothers old one. No mobile phone for her until she goes to secondary school though ~ she will have no one to ring on it.

Original poster
justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 19:04

It's just that she is constantly asking us - she'll ask me and I say no, and I give my reasons why....you don't need a phone, gameboy etc etc....then she goes and asks her Dad and he says no and gives the same reasons why but she just won't let up.

I agree it'd be a slippery slope because if I agreed to her having a phone, for example, it'll only be a matter of a few weeks and she'll want it updating or run out of credit etc etc.

I know of some kids who had phones for Xmas etc when they were much younger than 8 - I also see kids completely mesmerised with a gameboy - even a child I know of 4yrs old.

I don't want to seem old-fashioned but that's the way dd is making me feel at the moment and I'm fed up with it but I'm so determined not to give in but wanted to check with you if I was being reasonable or not?!!

OP posts:
Denmark · 08/07/2007 19:07

My children are only 3 1/2 and 2 but my partner and I are both saying this about the future "it is not because everyone else has it that You are going to get it.
My nephew is now 10 yrs. old but I remember him asking my sister about gameboy and playstation and she said YES you can have it, but you will have to save the money your self. And he did it and it took him almost a year. He saved money from birthday and other occasions + pocket money. I think that if a child wants all these things they have to learn to save the money, because it is really expencive and they will learn to value the things even more when they have bought it.
My 3 1/2 is at the moment saving money for a DORA t-shirt (yes that is what she wants) so just for the fun, she has a small box and I will give her 1-5-10-20 cents (we are in france) if she tidy the toys, set the table, help with the laundry (what she can do ofcourse) and other things and she loves it. She will "work" a few week and then she will pay for it herself. And then she will find something else (not to expensive ofcourse)

Judy1234 · 08/07/2007 19:30

No 8 year olds I know have mobiles. I would just resist as long as you can. Mine have a Nintendo DS but that's as much because they have an 18 year old brother they like to copy as anything else.

Original poster
justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 19:31

My nephew is 14 years old. He has had more mobile phones than I've had hot dinners. Each time he gets a new one I ask him what was wrong with the old one and he replies 'nothing, just wanted a new one'. He has all the latest in computers, software, MP3, DVD players, IPODs etc etc....and he doesn't put 1p towards any of it - his parents buy it all for him. I'm sure they do this to keep him happy and keep him quiet. Sad I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 19:32

Oh and to add to this....he is academically behind, has very poor attention span and can't sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. He also has behavioural problems and takes medication for this.

Are the two linked I wonder?

OP posts:
AuntyQuated · 08/07/2007 19:36

no play stations/gameboys etc here
dd is 11 and ds is 8
we have just bought dd a phone as she will be going to secondary school in sept and has been the only one in her class without one for ages

imo it isn't the money issue with gameboys it is the way they can affect lives!

janeite · 08/07/2007 19:36

UANBU. At all. Young children with gadgets, phones etc just makes me wince. I may be old-fashioned but I fully intend to stay that way. DD1 is 12 and has recently been bought her 1st mobile, the cheapest in the shop, as she now goes off to school alone. We have no Game Boys etc but did succumb to 20Q and they have the PC to play on. That's the sum of the electronic stuff in this house!

ApuNahasapeemapetilon · 08/07/2007 19:38

my eldest two are 15 with no mobile and not allowed on pc at home apart from odd bits of writing up
they do have gameboys
they have ps2 and ds1 may well buy himself a ps3 if he does well in his gcse taken this year
i dont succumb to their peer pressure
dd has a mate to tea tonight - i was cleaning the bathroom with them milling round me

dd's mate (12) said 'you are 'original' for not having ears pierced ' i said 'same goes for the phone'

be firm - then they respect things' more

ds is tight with the money he earns - makes him more aware of the value of money

mine earn a lot of their stuff - even the younger ones by good behaviour

Original poster
justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 19:43

I'm glad I'm not alone on this one then because I'm often being made to feel the 'odd mum out' by not giving in. I don't see how these things can help a child. My friend has recently bought her 4yo a gameboy and the 4yo sits with it on her lap in her buggy playing it. I don't even comment on it because it horrifies me so much.

My dd doesn't have her ears pierced either. I see so many girls with infected ears and it puts me off completely.

I just don't want to see my dd completely obsessed with computer games, phones etc - I'm sure it doesn't help their sleep, behaviour and general well-being.

OP posts:
iota · 08/07/2007 19:45

my 4 yr old had a gameboy, but had long since given up the buggy - I am more horrified by the buggy than the gameboy

Original poster
justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 19:50

Er no actually. Don't be horrified. She may be 4yo but she is in a buggy because her Mum walks her eldest child to school and we have to walk along and cross an extremely busy main road. OK?!

OP posts:
Original poster
justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 19:51

And not all 4yr old's are good on their feet, hold their Mum's hand etc etc. I've seen plenty of kids her age in buggy's so don't think really that's an issue. More to the point what is your 4yo doing with a gameboy? Good grief....they'll be born with them in their mouths next?!

OP posts:
Marina · 08/07/2007 19:57

Ds is 8 and has a Nintendo DS. I used to think we would never budge on this front, but since buying him his and seeing him ecstatic in a way that no other present has ever made him , I remember Tigermoth's wise words from some years ago.
If you turn the peer pressure on its head and see children animatedly and courteously sharing a sole DS, chatting with real absorption about game techniques and so on, and also playing the game in real life in the playground, you can see they are not all bad. You need to ration them though.
They can go on top of the wardrobe - and ours does.
Ds still reads, draws and spends plenty of time on his other interests. I do resent having to enforce time limits tbh, but other than that it has only had a good effect on him. It has made him take proper responsibility for something of value.
Oh, and Dr Kawashima's Brain Training makes it quite good nerdy fun to do maths, memory games and sudoku
Mobile phone or any other gadgetry (eg TV in room, own laptop etc) - not while at junior school.
And as for a four year old in a buggy - presumably with no mobility issues or other reason...

Marina · 08/07/2007 19:58

x-posted re the buggy!

Hopeitwontbebig · 08/07/2007 19:58

justgivemeoneminute - I've only read your original post. SO forgive me if this has already been said etc

My boys are 10 and 8. Neither have mobile phone or televisions etc in their rooms. We do actively encourage them to read at bedtime, which they both enjoy. They do have occasional supervised access to the internet. We also have an Xbox and they have Nintendo DS's. We do, however, ration their Xbox/DS use to a couple of hours on a Saturday and again on a Sunday. They aren't allowed to play at all during the week.

They do seem to be more and more frequently asking for more things (mobiles) and comparing what their friends have. It's a difficult one. But I just stand firm.

Just to play devils advocate... gameboys etc are supposed to be good for developing problem solving skills and hand/eye co-ordination. I believe that some schools are actually buying in consoles so that children may have some 'sessions'. Of course it does depend on the game they're playing.

Original poster
justgivemeoneminute · 08/07/2007 20:01

...slightly different subject here then. What age would you allow your child to walk and not go in a buggy with a very busy stretch of main road to walk along and an unmanned zebra crossing and a walk that takes 20 minutes each way?

OP posts:
Marina · 08/07/2007 20:05

3 - we had a similar-sounding walk to ds' nursery.
But I can see that for that kind of walk others would leave it later than 3.

Quattrocento · 08/07/2007 20:12

justgivemeoneminute - In response to your original post

My two are 9 and 7. Neither have mobile phone or televisions in their rooms, although they both do have computers with regulated internet access. This allows them to chat to their friends through Windows messenger, which is free. They also have cd players.

We also encourage them to read at bedtime, so we have a rule about all gadgets being off at 8pm so that they can read until 9pm.

We don't allow Xboxes or playstations but we have relented on Nintendo DS's.

EnidJane · 08/07/2007 20:13

mine is 7.5 and has a nintendo ds

no phone until she is 12 (random age plucked from air by mother on the spot )

Anna8888 · 08/07/2007 20:14

My stepson got a mobile when he started secondary school - he has 1 hour a month worth of calls and that's it. He hardly uses it, but it is useful to be able to contact him when he is out on his own.

My stepsons have had every games console going, and every last game. They always end up getting bored with them.

EnidJane · 08/07/2007 20:15

i have no problem with computer games at all

in fact, when I see some of the graphics and game design of the newest games, I am constantly amazed at the invention and creativity in a way that I am not with television

appallingly written but you get my gist

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