AIBU to be pissed off - dp practically accusing me of cheating.

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Dp paraded down the stairs baring a pair of boxers this morning. He declared they are not his and asked if I knew where they'd come from. I said probably the launderette as he's done a few loads there recently but he says he "doubts that". I asked him what he was implying and he said nothing.
I am categorically not cheating btw and never have done with this partner and haven't messed anyone around since my early twenties. I'm now mid thirties. Been with dp over 4 years and although things have been hard since having our dd, we are trying to make it work. This is not the first time he has implyed I am cheating however. Wwyd?

Just to say as well, there are other issues we are dealing with at the moment but they are unrelated to this incident. I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

For me that's a huge red flag. He's either manufacturing excuses to control you, has a guilty conscience for his own cheating or is so incredibly insecure that any relationship he has will be unhealthy without help. Either way you're in for a rocky road I fear.:(

He's cheating but trying to turn the tables on you to cover up. Make you out to be the bad guy so he can leave without repercussions.

Usually on MN when the partner is irrational and starts accusing the other of cheating, they are the ones who have stepped out either physically or emotionally sometimes both..

I agree with PP it's a red flag, he is either hiding something and projecting or revealing his controlling behavior if he hasn't in other areas I'd be surprised.

I had similar with an ex, he indicated at my used pants on the floor and implied it wasn't normal and that I've been up to no good. Horrible feeling to be accused but not directly. They know deep down there's s nothing in it but they just want a stick to beat you with.

Yanbu and I would be nipping it in the bud ASAP if you can as it can get worse believe me.

I'd say just walk away now before this escalates... in my experience theres no way back from mens insecurity and paranoia and it just gets worse... it's the slippery slope to control and abuse. If this is not the first time then I'd be packing his bags.

Hes cheating.

PROJECTION! he’s the one cheating! I remember the first time my X accused me of cheating early in the relationship, I was horrified, insulted and angry! Years later when I found out he’d been regularly cheating, the penny dropped! He was accusing me of doing what he was doing either because he could justify his behaviour to himself or he genuinely believed everybody does it! Like others said it’s a huge red flag!

Projection yes.

If you're not cheating and you truthfully said ''eh, from the launderette'' and he conveniently doesn't believe you when you're telling the truth then he is projecting.

I have acquired leggings and pj tops and so on in bags returned from the launderette. couple of things I've never seen again as well.

Thanks everyone. I'll have to have a proper chat with him later when kids are in bed.