Aibu about soy milk

[DaisyDuvetDays]

When going out for drinks - tea, milkshake, the sort of thing that involves milk, aibu to assume the go-to milk would be dairy based, unless I mention a dairy intolerance?

I mean 99.9% of places seem to default to cows' milk unless you ask for something else, therefore would you be surprised to be served soy milk in a normal non vegan cafe?

The background: I have on two occasions now asked for a milkshake / yoghurt lassi and been served a soy based drink. I have oral allergy syndrome - only recently diagnosed - and anyway soy is a known allergen. I suffered a lot of discomfort and expressed my surprise that when I asked for milk I was given soy. (I was polite) on the first occasion - about 5 years ago, the lady apologised and said they'd run out of milk (well yoghurt on that occasion) and she didn't charge me. On the second - this year in a different place - the owner seemed very concerned with telling me I hadn't told her I had an allergy. I said it was fine but that I had ordered the same drink the week before and had been given dairy as normal so i hadn't anticipated they would change the recipe without notice.

Would you expect to get milk if you ask for milk or aibu?

For context I'm fine with soy sauce and the soy they add to foods as it is processed.

I would assume any milk would be dairy milk, unless stated otherwise. And from an allergy point of view, it doesn't sound that responsible to serve something that is so obviously different to what the vast majority of people would expect, particularly if you've asked directly for "milk."

I hope they wouldn't do it with nuts because its much more of a known allergen, but hearing about things like this worries me because if my other half asked for "milk" and was given almond milk without it being mentioned, he'd have an anaphylactic reaction.

Unless they explicitly state on a menu it's a soy drink, then YANBU and they will soon kill someone

If it's a normal cafe (not a specifically vegan one) then yes, milk is normally dairy. The cafe needs to be a LOT more careful about labling! I hope you're okay OP.

I'd be very surprised and pissed off, because it tastes different and I don't like it! That's totally out of order. How hard is it to say "sorry, we've run out of normal milk so is soy OK?"

Even in the vegan cafes I've been too they state soy milk where it's used - you aren't expected to guess the substitutions and it's obvious that in food service you make it clear what the customer will get when they place an order.

That's bizarre bordering on batshit and I agree dangerous!

I would completely expect a 'milkshake' or 'milk' to be dairy based and I would complain wholeheartedly each time it wasn't!

If it says milk I'd expect milk, the stuff that comes from a cow.

Something made from anything else, be it beans, nuts or oats isn't milk so shouldn't be sold as milk.

Would they put tofu in a shepherds pie and sell it to you as lamb?

Oh phew, I thought I was going mad here! I'm ok, thanks for asking but every time it happens the reaction is more acute.
I thought perhaps because so many people are turning away from dairy, people might think it's safer just to go for soy without realising it is also an allergen.
Either that or they had some soy milk that they wanted to use up!

They should definitely say but I think those with allergies have a responsibilty to check as well.

Don't worry I make sure I ask now! And most people look at me funny and say yeeeeessss of course it's normal milk!

Any reasonable person would assume cows milk. I’d complain.

EU law states that "milk" means cow's milk, unless otherwise specified.

eur-lex.europa.eu/eli/reg/2013/1308/oj/eng

'"Milk" means exclusively the normal mammary secretion obtained from one or more milkings without either addition thereto or extraction therefrom.'
...
'As regards milk, the animal species from which the milk originates shall be stated, if it is not bovine.'

I'd presume they meant cows milk. They should advertise it as been soya milk if that's what they are using. Very dangerous practice to substitute without making it clear.

Absolutely, it's very dangerous. See also Costa Coffee, who's "coconut milk" is actually a coconut and soya blend. FFS Costa.

I agree with a PP. Soya/nut or oat liquid is not milk.

I can't have soya - not allergic but it interferes with my medication, and I don't like soya liquid any way - so I would be demanding a refund if it happened to me!