Bad neighbours can ruin a lovely home, how do you get over it?

[CherryPieFilling]

Growing up, my mum & dad were very strict about not upsetting the neighbours. Probably too strict! But they are all still in touch and some have even visited my 'grown up home'. So it worked.

DH & I bought our dream home, it could be amazing but the neighbours have been awful. It's tainted all our hard work.

How do you deal with that?

Either develop a thick skin and ignore them or move elsewhere sadly. What have they been doing?

Plan to build a new patio...

Failing that, I have no advice, just sympathy!

I feel your pain. We bought our dream house in the perfect location and my neighbours are hell. We got our house values this week and we are going to sell. I’m really sad but it’s either that or one of us ends up in prison after the rage gets too much.

More context needed.. Why are they awful? Have you tried to speak to them? Are they approachable? Etc

I bought. House once, moved in, overjoyed and happy. Life goals reached and all that bollocks.

3 months later I had to leave due to anxiety, depression and stress.
Noisy neighbours, intimidation, aggression etc etc. It was stay and end up battering his head in with pole... I actually had the pile in my hand and my then wife holding me back... Or leave it behind and write off the money spent.

For sanity sake, I'd leave it as soon as you can. Nothing is worth mental health and risking prison..

We moved and went detached. Now my dream home is truly bliss. It's too expensive and important for you to be unhappy at home. Hate inconsiderate neighbours.

My neighbour is nuts. Completely batty.
My strategy is (though I say it myself) brilliant.
If I possibly can, I pretend that she is invisible. I can neither see her or hear her.
However, when she crosses my path, which she does every morning while waving her precious (horrible) kids off to school, and when not noticing her would allow her to accuse me of blanking her, I smile like Jack Nicholson in a Batman movie and wave manically at her like I'm giving her jazz hands on acid.
It achieves two things. Firstly, it means that she can't legitimately complain about me (I mean she still complains because she's nuts, but the neighbours can see right through that) and secondly, and way more importantly, it annoys the hell out of her.
Every morning, she goes back into her house grinding her teeth and I climb into my car giggling to myself.
Fair sets me up for the day!

It depends on why/how they are horrid. Are they impacting your life? Or are they just unfriendly?

I think it depends why you think they're problematic, what they are doing, and whether any compromise can be reached really. When you say hard work, have you been renovating?

We've moved before because of the neighbours, they made so much noise at unsolvable times I wish I'd moved sooner. What the house looks like etc and how much you objectively would like it is not more important than how you actually feel about it. You can only judge by what you actually have, not what it could have been in circumstances that don't exist, unfortunately. I fell into that trap, stayed an extra year nearly. When I moved I didn't look back, I hadn't realised fully how much of every day had been spent feeling negatively about them and the situation. It is a hiding to nowhere!

We have awful neighbors on one side. Their property surrounds ours on 2 sides. They've destroyed listed land, dumped rubble at the bottom of our garden and their dog is aggressive so we can't let ours out if they are in.
The only consolation I have is they are horrible people and horrible people eventually get their just desserts. Like right now they've paid for a brand new roof, and in the same week planning have been out and told them to rectify damage they've done elsewhere. I'll just smile and walk past

I really dislike most of my neighbours,they are incredibly stuck up.
They act very supieror and I noticed they only spoke to me when they wanted to know something......ie.they heard a lot of banging at the side of our house so when I appeared at the front the female next door went to approach me.

I handle things like this now by saying hiya but I just keep walking every single time

I feel your pain. I lived somewhere with noisy neighbours once and it was a nightmare. I'm always very careful to be on good terms with my neighbours but feel very vulnerable to it as our properties are attached.

What are they doing?

Counterintuitive as it sounds, it is sometimes possible to win them over by behaving exceptionally well towards them. My DD had a very difficult neighbour but has actually won her over by being relentlessly kind, polite and helpful towards her. It stuck in her throat to begin with, but has definitely been worth it in the long run. They're never going to be friends but they do take in parcels for each other etc.

I was bullied at our last house because I'm autistic. The neighbour's teenage son also targeted us with vandalism and throwing missiles. We ended up moving because it was making me ill.

You can't fix people. If an environment is toxic, move away.

I moved, sadly. Now in a detached house with no neighbours within a mile. It's bliss! But you really have my sympathy, it's so difficult

Detached doesn't always mean bliss. Been there and had the neighbour from hell... to everyone who lived nearby.

We're detached but our NDN's opposite are vile. They had visitors in the summer with a nasty aggressive dog - they were all pissed as farts, and the dog got let off the lead in their garden. It came through the hedge and attacked ours as we were walking off our drive - no warning or provocation. Our dog had horrific injuries and they were all too drunk to even realise what was going on let alone help. It went to court last month (I got bit trying to get the dog off), and as a final fuck you the NDN gave a statement to the Police say the owners weren't there and he was in control of the dog so charges under the dangerous dog act were dropped. All an outright lie.

I could happily set fire to their house I hate them so much.

We're putting the house on the market. Our dream home that we've raised our family in and have so many good memories of

I didn't realise how common it is to have awful neighbours.
I don't like the neighbours where I am. They are an entitled bunch. I don't bother with them. I only speak when absolutely necessary. I lived in a friendly place before coming here. The change was quite shocking.
I am finding it hard to move out of the house emotionally but I think I must brave it.

We lived in a small detached house overlooked by a row of terraces. Two of the families hated us just because we lived in the house. They would throw things into the garden or at the wall, and go out of their way to make as much noise outside as they could.

I'm happier in a terraced house. There's noise, but it's impersonal and not designed to get at me, so easier to live with.

Having experienced an absolute mentalist neighbour at our first home, we resolved to never be in the same position again. We reason you can’t always like people, so where neighbours have been less than amiable we’ve just gone for cordial.

Our present NDN though is the exception. I’ve just put up with 10 months of living next to his building site, which he told me would take 3 weeeks. The noise, the falling debris, the unsecured scaffolding, the foul mouthed builders, the vibrating and did I mention the dust which has billowed into our house through the shared chimney. Our relationship is in the toilet and will never recover. I hate him for treating us like chumps and have dobbed him in to building control.

I’d recommend moving whilst you can. We have a restraining order against our next door neighbour, we are regularly in court but she gets a fine or community service then comes home and finds a new way to harass us. We can’t move. Our 400k house is worthless. How do you sell a house with a nutter next door and a history of 10 years of harassment?

@CherryPieFilling, it’s so unbelievably frustrating when one neighbour brings an entire neighbourhood down to their —shitty— level.

You either have to talk to the crap neighbours and tell them what they are doing to cause you problems. Then hope they change.

Report crap neighbours to police/council/landlord for their inconsiderate behaviour.

Firebomb their Home (probably not my best idea)

Or, put up with them being twats. Is moving an option? (Sorry, not rft)

This is what puts me off moving. I don't love my house but the neighbours on both sides are pretty quiet and keep to themselves. They're ideal. I've had bad neighbours in the past and I don't think I can face risking it again just because I don't like my house that much. Bad neighbours are the worst.

what have your neighbours done?