To Feel A Shit Mom Even When I Try and Be Good

[ConcreteUnderpants]

Really really beating myself up about this as we've not had a holiday for years due to my illness and being skint, but I got a little extra when I got some benefits backdated, hence the trip to treat the kids.

In a moment of madness (quite literally, I am bi-polar) I booked a trip to Disneyland Paris for myself and my 2 children on the Eurostar, staying at a nearby hotel for a few nights.

When I came down, I realised we have no passports. Chased these up and we have no chance of receiving them in time.

I am now going through yet another horrible cycle of beating myself up for being a shit mom and desperate to get some money back (£330) so have any of you had success with selling tickets, if so, what site please?

Even when I try and do something good for them, I still end up failing. Sometimes I really really think they would be better off without me.

I don't think you need passports to travel to Paris just yet, you can use other forms of id
This includes all EU countries. Maybe someone else can shed more light on this.

If you are a British Citizen, you need a passport to travel.

If you are a national of an EU country that issues ID cards, you can use your ID cards to travel within the EU/EEA. This includes in and out of the UK.

You can use national ID cards if you don’t have passports.
However, sounds more like you need to re-evaluate what makes a good parent! Kids don’t need trips to Disney to feel loved, all they need is a happy mum though so put yourself first and take care of yourself.

When is your trip booked for? Although the website says it can take up to eight weeks or so for passports to arrive, quite often they arrive quicker.

Can you get to a passport office where you queue up to get them on the day? here [[https://www.gov.uk/get-a-passport-urgently]

Unfortunately the Internet seems to be sayig that as the UK isnt in the Schengen, passports are needed.
Passport office still has kids' birth certificates anyway...

@ConcreteUnderpants You wouldn't be able to travel using birth certificates anyway. You need passports. When is your trip booked for?

Booked for the end of half term .
Thought it would be nice and quiet then, so ok with my anxiety.
Just feel I can't do anything right.

I don't have any practical advice but wanted to come on and say you aren't shit! You tried to do a nice thing - it's not your fault bipolar is an arsehole.

(My DH, who is also not shit, has bipolar and is prone to splurging any windfalls if I don't jump in quick enough to be the voice of reason non-manic thinking. Is there someone who can do this for you?)

Of course you need a blinking passport. We don’t have ID cards and we’re not in Schengen. And worse it will get.

Have you called the passport office? They may be able to hurry things along for you and worst case you go to the local passport office and pay a little extra to hurry things along.

OP I looked on the Disney website and it says this:

If I have booked online, who can I talk to if I want to change or amend my existing booking?
The lead passenger can make changes to their reservation(s) by calling our helpful Disney Experts on 0800 169 0737, quoting the booking reference. You will be advised of any amendment charges and an updated invoice will be sent out to you or you can retrieve and review your booking details once the changes have been made.
Please note that guests under age 18 must have parent or guardian permission to call. Our opening hours are Mon-Fri 9am-8pm, Sat 9am-7pm, Sun 10am-4pm

That may help you not waste that charge of the trip. Could you enquire if it’s possible to amend hotel dates and also Eurostar dates? It may cost a bit extra but at least you won’t completely lose out on money??

And you are absolutely not a shit mother, if you were you wouldn’t have booked the trip for you all in the first place

I got a super fast passport for my child in 3 days by attending in person at the passport office. They said it would take a week but that is the max guaranteed time. Go tomorrow. You don't need to take the kids with you as long as you have completed the form and have had the photos certified. Good luck!

If all fails, try your local Facebook selling page. People seem to be trying to sell holidays all the time!

Thanks people.
Yes, I've done this kind of thing before. I'm actually on a debt management plan (£13k) due to my erratic overspending on, well shit, really. Things for the house, clothes for the children, nothing really important or worth it. Have no family support so am left to my own devices. Am much better now as have new meds and no credit cards.

Thanks for looking at the T & C's but I booked a package through Eurostar - nonrefundable.
Passport Office said they are waiting on my countersignitury to get back to them. She didn't think she had to do anything so I can't even go and attend an interview until they get that back.

I don't take them to the park, the museums anywhere really. It was such a huge thing for me to book this (not just financially) and ive spent weeks working myself up to it. I'm just not there for them. My mind is filled with so much rubbish, I'm not really present, if that makes sense. Have been having counselling for the past year, which I know I need to do, but is just bringing so many things up it's dreadful. Will keep trying my mindfulness.

Amazingly I thought my upbringing and family life were completely normal until about a year ago. How fucked up and ignorant is tgat?!

OP, it sounds like you've had a really tough time and are starting to bring yourself and your family out of it. Having a debt management plan is brilliant. Going to counselling is brilliant. Being on meds that work for you is brilliant. You are doing really, really well and all of that will be a huge benefit to your children.

I'm really sorry that this plan sounds as though it's not going to work out this time. Could you manage to plan at least one day trip for half term - park/museum/library/McDonalds for lunch? Something that the children will love but won't cost much. And then see whether you might be able to do a little bit of saving in your budgeting to try and manage a holiday next year?

I completely agree with bridge. You have made brilliant bounds towards looking after yourself and I hope you continue to. You are not a shit mom, you wouldn’t be posting this if you were. Do not get another credit card. Pay back debt as the most minimum you can pay it back. Can counter signatory sign and scan and email/fax document to the passport office??

It sounds like you’re doing some amazing work to turn your life around. I always beat myself up about stuff when my mental health is a bit shaky - I really have to force my inner voice to say “no...I’m not doing a shit job. I’m doing my best” - that type of thing.

What does the £330 consist of. Train + hotel + park tickets? The park tickets are usually valid for a year or so. Train and hotel are obviously tied to a particular date but if you call them they might let you move the dates rather than cancel completely with no refund. You could maybe try and shift it to Easter or May half term. It won’t be as quiet in the park, but I went in the August holiday and the queues really aren’t that bad - look into how the fast pass system works before you go, and the shows are fabulous and you don’t need to queue for those, so they break up the ride queues a bit.

But first things first...deep breath, stop beating yourself up, call the travel company or the hotel if you booked directly and see what you can do.

Oh, and I once turned up at Disney with tickets from a friend which turned out not to be valid and were confiscated at the gate! We all fuck up sometimes. Be kind to yourself.

OP, you’re doing your best and clearly love your kids. Hang in there and keep trying your best, and be kind to yourself.. I hope things get easier soon

Hope you’re feeling a bit better OP, and that you have a lovely weekend with your DC