... to let my son go to a big fancy dress party *without* wearing fancy dress?

[EBAB]

He is three. He understands the fancy dress theme in question, and does not feel comfortable with it/is slightly scared by it. We have tried trying to reach a compromise over the last few weeks - talked about it lots and made a bit of headway, but ds is now anti again.

I like it that ds knows his own mind and does not feel he should dress up just because everyone else is. I am inclined to let him go without an outfit. But I also wonder if this would be frowned upon? Making him participate feels wrong.

Thanks

Maybe he could take an outfit with him in case he feels like putting it on when he gets there?

Thanks, pania. Have got a few easy-to-add-on bits in my bag ...

You can get a cowboy hat in ELC for a couple of quid. I'd take that and a neckachief (I used a checked teatowel) thn he can just wear his jeans and when he sees everyone dressed up and wants to join in can just pop on the hat and necktie.

Myy DD 3.5 is exactlty the same - I would let him decide - take it with you as pania suggests but is important to let them be independant and make their own decisions and to have those decisions respected - especially if it is something that isn't a big issue - ie. is not a health and safety issue.

Agree with pania - even if it's just a few accessories. This happened to dd1 when she was 4. Refused to dress up for a pirate party. When we arrived everyone was dressed up so she willingly delved into my bag and put an eyepatch and head scarf on.

Please don't force him though it's not important.

what about something that doesn't feel too dressed up. Maybe like a pirate with some denim shorts and a stripy t shirt and you could paint on an eye patch or something, or he could carry a soft toy parrot ?
Either way i would send him how he is happy, no one will mind i'm sure.

Helpful advice, ladies. Thanks. It is a potentially scary theme, and ds is able to articulate really clearly that he is not comfortable with it. It would be disrespectful to force the issue, you are right; I suppose I just wondered if this would be expected (our first fancy dress).

I have a few bits in my bag (he has so far refused to add even these to his normal clothes!), and we will see how it goes. Better happy in normal clothes than distraught in an outfit.

Thanks

mine rarely wear fancy dress at parties - it has never been a problem. Just let him go as he wants to.

My ds has always hated dressing up. Last book week he wore jeans and a plain white t shirt, he carried a wand and I put a practically invisible scar on his forehead with eyebrow pencil. He was happy with that. Science week, he wore jeans and a plain white t shirt (can you see a theme emerging here?) with a coference badg-y thing saying he was Dr so and so Depatement of Environmental Sciences, Oxford University (nothing wrong with aiming high) I did make him a woodlouse costume because I like a challenge, but someone else wore it for him!
Pirates week he wore - you've guessed it - with a cutlass in his belt.

My ds didn't often like to dress up or have his face painted until he was about 3.5. He seemed to think that if you dressed up as something, you actually turned into that thing, so you can see the scary element of it.

I think you are doing the right thing by not forcing it, and taking a hat / cloak or something that he can put on if he wants to.

I wouldnt worry about it, ds1 now 6.5 still has to be coaxed into dressing up, and has never had his face painted. I've never forced the issue. Interestingly, he requested a halloween party for his 6th and loved dressing up as a ghostly ghoul!!

Thanks for all advice. Party was fine. Some conspicuously out-of-theme fairies/princesses there too, so ds was fine in his normal clothes. Like other posters' kids, he wasn't interested in having his face painted there, nor in the add-on clothes I had in my bag. And that was fine. He was himself, and I was proud of him.

Can't say I love fancy dress myself ...

Thanks again. EBAB