Frustrated with my mum

[BandOfOses]

Just had the most frustrating conversation with my mum. A few weeks ago I suggested we go out for a Christmas lunch with her and my grandmother. She was really up for it.

So this morning I rang to ask when they wanted to go. The conversation went ...

Me: “when did you want to go for thus lunch?”
Mum: “whenever you wanted to go, I thought maybe you were too tired?”
Me: “no I can go this Friday?”
Mum: “erm, yeah ... but don’t worry about it if you’re too busy?”
Me: “no, ask grandma about Friday then”
Mum: “ I will do, but I did say to grandma that you might be too busy?”
Me: “I’m not busy, Friday is fine”
Mum: “ok, I’ll ask her. We didn’t know if you’d be working this week so wondered if you’d be too tired to go? It doesn’t matter if you are too tired ...”

????!!!
Me: “don’t you want to go?”
Mum: “oh yes we do! But if you’re too busy we’ll understand”
Me: “it’s not about me being tired or busy, I just want to know when you want to go”
Mum: “oh, well it depends on you really ... we could go this Friday if you wanted too ... your grandma won’t be bothered either way so if you’re too tired we don’t mind going after Christmas”

Oh man! Why not just say she doesn’t want to go?! So frustrating. In the end I just said “we’ll leave it till after Christmas then” so she’ll immediately ring my grandma now and say I’m too tired/busy to go.

Weird. Maybe she's the one who's too tired to go? If I were you I'd turn it around on her:
"I'm absolutely fine but it sounds like maybe you're too tired to go."
"But you keep asking me if I'm tired or busy so I wondered if you were tired or busy."
"I'd love to go but maybe you're too tired?"

Maybe too late for this conversation, but if someone projects stuff onto me I usually push it back in their direction.

Bizarre. Is she always like this? If have said "I REALLY WANT TO GO!!! DO YOU?!"

I wonder if she's quite similar to my mum. Do you have a lot on at the minute/have you told your mum you're feeling run down or stressed?

I really wanted to see my mum when I was going through a bit of a bad time and she kept saying things similar to what you've written. We had a big chat and it turns out she thought I was overworked/stressed and was only seeing her because I felt like I had to. She wanted to see me, but kept trying to make it clear that I could cancel/we could make it another time.
After a loooooong chat I explained that when she says things like that it just sounds like she doesn't want to see me. She was mortified!!
We are a lot more honest with each other now

Ring your gran and ask her out for a meal on Friday!

She sounds like Margaret's parents in Bob and Margaret

My mum's a bit like this. It can be frustrating but it comes from a place of deep love as she doesn't want to disturb me. I have to re-assure her that I love spending time with her.