To minimise visits PILs & extended family

[Mnet]

Everytime my DH and I visit PIL they moan and bitch about my DHs siblings partners. Talking about how useless they are, terrible as parents, "guess what he/she said".

It is so deflating and exhausting hearing them bitch and moan, I know they don't like me either, they tolerate me and the other partners for the sake of their kids and grandchildren and I'm fully aware that they will be saying the same about me behind my back, they play their kids off each other. They insist on a lot of family gatherings with wide and extended family and me not wanting to go is often causing a rift with my DH. AIBU? How would you tactfully explain to DH?

also PIL made a "joke" that if they had it their way they wouldn't have the partners visit them

Has your DH not noticed the way they talk about his sibling's partners? What does he say?

I would tell my husband to have a lovely time visiting his miserable parents, but I am staying home to enjoy the peace and quiet. End of. Stop subjecting yourself to this shit.

Tell your DH you are happy for PIL to have their own way and don’t visit them again.

You have a DH problem...

Book some joint counselling? Tell him it needs sorting...

also PIL made a "joke" that if they had it their way they wouldn't have the partners visit them

Awesome. See you later. Dh can visit with the dc's.

Give them what they want. How can your DH impose on them someone they don't want and would rather you weren't there. It's rather rude, you don't take people not invited to other peoples homes

FIL wasn't joking, stop bothering with visiting him.
MIL tried this crap one Christmas, we were just finishing dinner, she made some flip remark about not making anyone come to her house to eat blah blah she only wanted people to have what they wanted at Christmas or something. Sil stoood up and told her Dh lets go then and walked out. Dh and I stayed for an hour and followed suit. We went NC about three years later.