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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws expecting me to host them

216 replies

saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:21

Am I right to be annoyed at my inlaws.
Yesterday went down like this In-laws were coming round to see us and the kids. I told them early-ish that morning that I wasn't cooking a Sunday dinner (we didn't even plan to previously but I just made it clear incase they thought they were getting fed) because I'm shattered and was up all night with two kids with sickness bugs and a baby teething, I had no sleep blah blah blah - we did a large brunch type fried breakfast around 11ish so kids were all full. I made it clear that they should eat before they came round earlier. I cleaned all the cooking mess up from brunch and dirty plates away with 4 kids that takes an hour. Inlaws turn up an hour later with food to be cooked, pizzas party food nibbles etc. So I ended up cooking all this food, serving it all etc. Cleaning away all the mess again, making numerous teas and fetching bits like napkins etc the stuff you do when your hosting. I was trying to be polite and smiling but secretly wanted to kill them. Why couldn't they just got a sandwich in the car lol 😆 I feel like I spend every weekend cleaning and hosting people mainly the in-laws... I might as well be a bloody caterer! Sometimes I think people.dont realize that I'm fucking knackered and NOT my jobs not to serve!!!!!!

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 15/10/2018 14:23

Can your partner not help ? I’m assuming they are his parents

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:24

If I smash up my table and chairs that would solve this

OP posts:
Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:25

He was a bit embarrassed but did say sorry to me

OP posts:
TheOneWith · 15/10/2018 14:26

You lost me at two kids up all night with a sickness bug.

Why didn’t you tell them not to come over?

Next time, spend 20 minutes saying hello and catching up with them, and then take yourself off on some prearranged outing with friends, and leave your husband to see to them and his 4 kids.

flowery · 15/10/2018 14:27

”So I ended up cooking all this food, serving it all etc. Cleaning away all the mess again, making numerous teas and fetching bits like napkins etc the stuff you do when your hosting.”

Why didn’t your partner do it?

user139328237 · 15/10/2018 14:27

How far away do they live?
If they live much over an hour a way and they make the effort to go to your house it is rather rude not to offer to feed them (although it definitely doesn't have to be a Sunday roast) .

Thisreallyisafarce · 15/10/2018 14:27

You can't invite people over at lunchtime and expect them to neither expect to be fed, nor to being their own food. If you don't want to cook for guests, don't invite guests. If you weren't the one to invite them, tell your husband you're not hosting and he will have to do it.

SuchAToDo · 15/10/2018 14:28

Op your mistake was cooking the food they brought with them

You should have reiterated that you had no sleep, was up during the night with two kids with sickness bugs, and a teething baby and that you were exhausted and that if they want the food they will have to cook it themselves ..and if they objected you could have reminded them that you did tell them before they came that you wouldn't be cooking a meal...

Booie09 · 15/10/2018 14:29

Why didn't you just tell them not to come because of sickness bug going round? Maybe thought they were helping by bringing food round.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 15/10/2018 14:29

They shouldn't have come if children have a sickness bug. I don't think shoving some pizzas in the oven is too much trouble for family. Seems a bit harsh to grudge them some food. Obviously your partner should have helped.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 14:31

Probably would have been best to cancel altogether tbh. But yes where was DH in all of this? Saying that they should have helped clear the plates and tidy up too.

floppyearsandtail · 15/10/2018 14:31

Why did you do it and not your partner (their son)? Or better still why didn't they do it themselves? Selfish gits. No way would I show up at someone's house uninvited expecting them to cook for me and especially when you've been up all night.

reallybadidea · 15/10/2018 14:32

Why on earth are you doing it all? Didn't your partner help?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/10/2018 14:33

Why are you doing this every weekend?

Motoko · 15/10/2018 14:35

Why didn't your partner do it?

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 15/10/2018 14:36

You should have told them the children had been ill and so they might put off visiting their son's family/grandchildren.
Once you'd said they could come and THEN said not to expect food, I imagine they were just as offended as you.
Was their son not involved at all in the saying yes/brunch prep/clearing up/heating pizza/making tea?

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:36

We didn't invite them they asked to come a few days ago 🤣 I normally always do food for everyone who comes round but yesterday I was knackered like beyond tired and just wasn't up to it.

OP posts:
HellenaHandbasket · 15/10/2018 14:36

I dunno really, if you have people over over lunchtime, and tell them you are too tired to do a big meal some would see it as considerate that they brought round some easy to whack in the oven food. Your issue here is the partner.

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:37

Made it clear that I wasn't up to much and said it's up to them if they still wanted to come or not as the kids were sick. My polite way to say don't come. I should have just said don't come

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 14:38

But why isn't your husband doing nothing?

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:38

No my DH doesn't know the difference between the oven and fridge

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 14:38

Is not isn't

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:39

Plus he was working on his laptop the whole time. He's such a shit

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 14:40

Your problem is with your DH then OP. He didn't lift a finger when he knew his dc were poorly and you were tired and stressed out?
Not on at all.

unfortunateevents · 15/10/2018 14:40

He was a bit embarrassed but did say sorry to me - oh well, that's all right then! Angry Seriously, WHY was he not helping? And if he didn't offer, why on earth did you not say "X, please put this in the oven/fetch the drinks/clear the table"??? Don't be a doormat or a martyr, you told the ILs you were not up to cooking, they probably thought they were making things easy by bringing food, you needed to stand up and politely show them how to use the oven and where the plates were!